Sunday, May 31, 2009
Its Sunday again
Every Monday I look forward to the weekend, the weekend comes and ends with the wink of an eye. With about 5 weeks left, tons of work to do, tickets to buy and accomodation to settle, Im just going mad! Uni Services requires me to pay $60 for their services. My cousin isn't going to be home when I arrive, got to find an alternative place until she ends work. I never got anything easily in my life, so Im not even surprised this is even happening! Dont feel bad for me :)
Hope im able to find PT job to finance myself. Im glad I didnt have to trouble my dad, had to let go of my hero. No more luxuries, massages, mani, padi expensive restaurants etc. Back to student life, but I refuse to stay with students, probably another professional, not alone either,i'd probably not have a wink of sleep for days. In your 30s sometimes you want your private space. I go into silence alot nowadays, so its better to stay alone or with 1 other person. Getting to Uni from Whyndham Vale is going to be a challenge, was told there isnt any public transport there. GREAT! Hope to get a place before uni starts on 27th July!
Its finally starting to sink in that im going to be away for a long time fom my loved ones. I have many here whom Im going to miss like crazy, sometimes I ask myself what I have gotten myself into. What was I even thinking?!? Lata, my childhood friend got into Uni of Manchester and leaving in Sept. The irony of it all, she was trying to convince me to go to Oz initially and I was adament on going to the UK! I managed to change her mind to go to the UK and convinced her with Uni of Manchester just to realise later that Manchester didnt offer Education and it was supposed to be Uni of Edinburgh, I got it wrong, but she didnt have Human Resource in Edinburgh, Erghhhhh!!! She was trying to convince me with Manchester, mails went back and forth, got my referees, then got busy with work, we got the dates for the UK Uni exhibition wrong and by then Monash had offered. Figured I'll go with the flow as I was too tired by then. Will be UK if Melb Uni doesnt offer. So here we are, im making my plans to Oz and she to UK. Her dad is in France so it makes more sense for her, mine wasnt too keen on me going to the UK....
I was intending to apply for no pay leave. Things took a turn and Ive tendered my resignation instead. As for my PR application, this is my 3rd agent! After so many emails since March to this agent, I dont have the confidence to let him handle my case anymore, so Im going to do it myself once Im there! That is hanging as well, gets me thinking sometimes, why is all these happening, so Ive stopped planning....whenever I plan the guy up there has somthing else in store for me! Ive invited him to have tea with me so many times, but he refuses to accept my invitation, he probably thought i'd have too much to ask and is avoiding me! Im talking about GOD by the way :)
Im more upset and extremely sad than anything. Beats me why he cant even say a personal 'thank u', well im not talking about GOD this time. Is it that difficult? Isnt that basic courtesy? How dumb can someone be to even think that thanking someone in a blog and sending an email with a personal note is the SAME!?! He talks about a certain eye all the time, probably his special someone, poems of love and special moments with that someone are described vividly and often breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Its difficult but I have a choice not to read, heeee. Sometimes I wonder if it is so difficult for a man to realise that a girl is so in love with him and wants him in her life so much. I dont understand him when he says its a fresh start and he isnt ready to give his number, pathetic excuses for having no guts I take it. Even a place to stay, where did that come from? Well, some say that its easier to tell a lie than the truth. It is said that your life comes to an end when you are silent about the things that matter. Im silent nowadays, I yearn, feel pain, cry, recall the past and try to hate....nothing seems to be working....I dunno what to do....so ive decide to live with him in my fantacy world....i know he will belong to someone else one day....then maybe I'll let go.....You're probably going "How Stupid, just let go and go on. There are so many fishes in the sea" Trust me, i hate myself so much sometimes that I wanted never to wake up from my sleep. Why am I longing for someone who doesnt care to find out about me, doesnt bother replying to my emails, shuts me from his life and wants a new someone in his life....I cant hate him so I hate myself.....maybe I should have a lifesize mannequin of him and throw darts at it, but knowing me, i'd probably start talking to it, kiss and hug it! Ha! Sorry Im a rebel, I dont listen to anyone nor conform to anything against my wishes, I fight when it matters and go silent when I no more matter!
Hope im able to find PT job to finance myself. Im glad I didnt have to trouble my dad, had to let go of my hero. No more luxuries, massages, mani, padi expensive restaurants etc. Back to student life, but I refuse to stay with students, probably another professional, not alone either,i'd probably not have a wink of sleep for days. In your 30s sometimes you want your private space. I go into silence alot nowadays, so its better to stay alone or with 1 other person. Getting to Uni from Whyndham Vale is going to be a challenge, was told there isnt any public transport there. GREAT! Hope to get a place before uni starts on 27th July!
Its finally starting to sink in that im going to be away for a long time fom my loved ones. I have many here whom Im going to miss like crazy, sometimes I ask myself what I have gotten myself into. What was I even thinking?!? Lata, my childhood friend got into Uni of Manchester and leaving in Sept. The irony of it all, she was trying to convince me to go to Oz initially and I was adament on going to the UK! I managed to change her mind to go to the UK and convinced her with Uni of Manchester just to realise later that Manchester didnt offer Education and it was supposed to be Uni of Edinburgh, I got it wrong, but she didnt have Human Resource in Edinburgh, Erghhhhh!!! She was trying to convince me with Manchester, mails went back and forth, got my referees, then got busy with work, we got the dates for the UK Uni exhibition wrong and by then Monash had offered. Figured I'll go with the flow as I was too tired by then. Will be UK if Melb Uni doesnt offer. So here we are, im making my plans to Oz and she to UK. Her dad is in France so it makes more sense for her, mine wasnt too keen on me going to the UK....
I was intending to apply for no pay leave. Things took a turn and Ive tendered my resignation instead. As for my PR application, this is my 3rd agent! After so many emails since March to this agent, I dont have the confidence to let him handle my case anymore, so Im going to do it myself once Im there! That is hanging as well, gets me thinking sometimes, why is all these happening, so Ive stopped planning....whenever I plan the guy up there has somthing else in store for me! Ive invited him to have tea with me so many times, but he refuses to accept my invitation, he probably thought i'd have too much to ask and is avoiding me! Im talking about GOD by the way :)
Im more upset and extremely sad than anything. Beats me why he cant even say a personal 'thank u', well im not talking about GOD this time. Is it that difficult? Isnt that basic courtesy? How dumb can someone be to even think that thanking someone in a blog and sending an email with a personal note is the SAME!?! He talks about a certain eye all the time, probably his special someone, poems of love and special moments with that someone are described vividly and often breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Its difficult but I have a choice not to read, heeee. Sometimes I wonder if it is so difficult for a man to realise that a girl is so in love with him and wants him in her life so much. I dont understand him when he says its a fresh start and he isnt ready to give his number, pathetic excuses for having no guts I take it. Even a place to stay, where did that come from? Well, some say that its easier to tell a lie than the truth. It is said that your life comes to an end when you are silent about the things that matter. Im silent nowadays, I yearn, feel pain, cry, recall the past and try to hate....nothing seems to be working....I dunno what to do....so ive decide to live with him in my fantacy world....i know he will belong to someone else one day....then maybe I'll let go.....You're probably going "How Stupid, just let go and go on. There are so many fishes in the sea" Trust me, i hate myself so much sometimes that I wanted never to wake up from my sleep. Why am I longing for someone who doesnt care to find out about me, doesnt bother replying to my emails, shuts me from his life and wants a new someone in his life....I cant hate him so I hate myself.....maybe I should have a lifesize mannequin of him and throw darts at it, but knowing me, i'd probably start talking to it, kiss and hug it! Ha! Sorry Im a rebel, I dont listen to anyone nor conform to anything against my wishes, I fight when it matters and go silent when I no more matter!
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