Another month has passed

Today is dad's birthday, the thought of not being beside him on his 67th birthday saddens me. Spoke to him this morning. Everyone at home is happy with the gifts I sent them, especially the little one. The little one is excited on coming to visit me, apparently he has been telling even the photographer that he is going to melbourne. Every morning he asks my aunt when he is coming over to melbourne to visit me. I miss everyone at home.

My cousin, her husband and son were here for 2.5 weeks. That was the best time I had since I stepped into melbourne. It sure feels very good to see people from home. The road trip in melbourne and the trip to sydney were definitely refreshing and fun. To be amongst loved ones is definitely great. I miss them.

R is getting married, received an email from him yesterday. A little upset with him that he never breathed a word of his relationship when all this while we have been discussing about finding him a girlfriend. So much for friendship there. Upsetting, especially when Ive met him three times the past week and nothing was said during those long conversations and beer sessions.

My dearest loosu fren has been missing. Wonder if she misses me, havent heard much from her since I left Singapore. I really hope she is fine even though the last I received her sms she didnt seem alright. I hope everything between her and her bf is going good and they tie the knot in 2010.

Two of my ex colleagues are coming to melbourne for good, in Jan. Looking forward to seeing them in melbourne. Received my results, not what i expected but Ive cleared both my papers. It was obvious there was biasness when marking the papers. She contradicted herself when I went to see her. Well too late now, the marks are in and she is in the holiday mood.

The past month has been great. A few downs but what is life without them. That is part and parcel of life. There isnt any mood to get to know anyone, just trying to straighten and settle my life for the moment.

In a Month

So much has happened in this month or should I say nothing much actually happened
Uni has been my hideout, not by choice but more like being driven to it
TV just a box that stares at me when I leave home and return after dark
People I havent seen nor spoken to in a month, flatmates too just a "hi" & "bye"
Message heard just like the dream I had, but this time no dream it was
Lies and deceit, enough is enough, why I ask, as usual denial it was
Facebook & Windows Life my only companions, mom, dad & lesh whose only voices I hear
Thoughts fill my mind, with tears in my eyes, i walk the streets in a daze sometimes
What am I doing here, a life like a pauper, walls Ive created around myself
Family and friends I miss, life like a princess Ive dropped and left
Confusion, Assignments, Sadness, Anger, Loneliness and practically homeless
What Have I Done?!?!?

The day started early with greetings from my flatmates, what I was wearing gave the feel of diwali to them it seems. I missed home so much and the call from home while in the train station brought tears to my eyes. "Diwali is not the same without you", "I always spend the eve with you, today im home", "I love you", "Missing you", these are the messages Ive been receiving from friends and family since 1am this morning. Mom has been missing me lots and she had asked my cousins to come over so that she can feel my presence. Got to speak to my two little monkeys as well. The cards they made me on my birthday breaks a smile on my face on days when I feel very down.

Had four of my friends over at my cousin's, she was doing her house warming as well. Food oredered from her friends, the house seemed like S'pore headquarters. Then we headed to crown and I left with winnings of $35. Back home, its bright with tea lights around the house, pooja done by my flatmate and they were out to his cousin's, i didnt make it on time to go along with them. Home almost midnight, called home and spoke to all who were there, a pleasant way to end my 1st festival of lights away from home.

Dear God....

I met DR when I was back, he didnt seem his usual self. He left the party earlier citing something else, but later I learnt i was the reason he left. He is asking for a heart which isnt ready to accept someone else. Call me is what I heard last from him.

AM came into my life as a happy pill. Said he would love me if I did. But how could he when he already had 2 in his plate I asked him. He was angry and said he wasn't kidding. I cant share and my ex is in every vein of mine I told him. Text me when you get back down under is what I heard last from him.

SK came into my life sometime back. We were friends and still are. What do you want from me he asks, I said nothing is what I want. He said he liked me and would like to take it further if he wasnt in California. Geography is one and religion the other, both he and I know this isnt going to happen but I was surprised he felt that way and brought it up.

M talks as if he owns me, he probes about my ex and gets very jealous about him. He offered me an expense paid trip to sydney, I declined and he said he will come to my territory to spend some time with me. He was persistent and getting possesive. I just barred him a week ago and he doesnt have a clue I suppose.

V is every vein of mine. Im supposed to hate him and I did try very hard. I just cant and Im unable to move on. God why do I still love and care for the man who has hurt me so much? Will I ever get an answer god? I miss him God and I still cry over him. Will you please send someone to take over his place.....I cant take this anymore

Seeping Through Your Heart

No struggle with the gate, but a pleasant surprise awaits,
A warm smile, an enthusiastic greeting, glad it wasnt your mate,
Looks of expecting one, though words spoken later seemed otherwise,
Conversations ranging from family to updates on life and school,
Showing more interest than ever before, sharing on your plans and more
Drinking that sweet potion of yours, delicious this time around,
I want you so much in my life and yet I dont want you at the same time,
I wish I could seep through your heart and spend one more day with you,
I lived with you as your woman and now in my mind its still alive,
I miss you so much sometimes tears just roll down my cheeks,
Ive stopped trying to hate you and now live with you in me all the time,
As happy as you seemed having me around, I was too, seeing you after a month,
What went wrong a year back, I asked myself as we kissed goodbye,
You want me I can see and yet you dont want me in your life,
Like you I battle my feelings, the clash of the heart and mind,
Will you let me into your life, one more time,
To clean up the mess we left the last time around,
My dearest baby boy, its a daily struggle to let go and move on...

Just Like The Old Times

Nothing beats meeting old friends and spending time with them. Ive missed all these people for the past 3 months, makes me wonder sometimes why I dropped everything I had to embrace new pastures. Today I met my ex colleagues, my good friends, some since the time I started, some along the way. Talked about school, updates on their lives, i have missed these people so very much.

Ive been meeting my family and friends since I stepped down, its like having life into me all over again. Many more outings lined up for the week and next, not forgetting the work I am here for as well.

My little monkey is asleep, he woke up at 5am this morning to as me why the sky is blue, he is just full of energy and wit.

Im truly blessed to have so many people loving me so much, I wish time would have a temporary halt so that 5th Oct never comes. Along the way you make new friends, but its never the same.......

A Wonderful Birthday

Birthday is the time you realise how much you are loved and missed by your loved ones and that is also the time you get to know of the people who do not really care about you. Mine this year started the day before with dinner and cake cutting. Twelve midnight I got the 1st call from my flatmate, both of them returning from a movie. They lied to me they were in a fren's place but they were in the tram heading home. Some people had heard them wishing me and started singing "Happy Birthday". Ten mins later, the door opened, the 2 of them grabbed me, gave me a hug and insisted I got ready to hit Chapel for some drinks and fun. We headed to Imperial in Chapel, had a margarita on Vishesh, danced, ate at hungry jacks and headed home.

My flight was at 1330pm and I was out at 1130am, heading to the airport. At the airpost, alomost 12 hrs later, i was greeted by my cousin, her husband and my nephew. My nephew had made me a card, how sweet. Home sweet home, I was delighted to see my family, it was a surprise for them. I couldnt get my nephew up but he was up at 3am, saw me and gave me a big hug, we slept hugging each other after that. Heaps of wishes from friends and family, through Facebook, phone and in person. My friends had sent a present over to Melbourne, thinking i was going to be there, I never got to see it before I left.

Monday, lots of food cooked by my aunt, visits from cousins and another cake cutting session. I had a blast, reunited with my family and friends and also with family and friends back in Melb, some expected, some unexpected but there is still a void in some part of your heart when you dont receive the expected wish from that one person.....this is life.....

Death of My Heroes

Patrick Swayze, someone I watched growing up has passed on at the age of 57, after his battle with pancreatic cancer. He was a well known dancer and actor, who can ever forget his moves in Dirty Dancing and romantic persona alongside actess Demi Moore, in Ghost. I was 17 when I watched Ghost with the 1st love of my life. I remember it was my 17th birthday, he waited ouside my school n presented me a bear when I walked out of the gate. I searched high and low for the movie 'Ghost' after he passed on in 2007. My cousin would drag me away when i went into the shops to ask for that movie, can't believe I looked for it in S'pore, JB and Jakarta, but didnt get it in the end. Maybe I should look for it in Melbourne heh :-)In 1991, Patrick was named in People's magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive", he is definitely every womens' dream, a combination of masculinity and grace!

Micheal Jackson is another one I grew up watching and hearing. My brother was crazy about him and had his initials engaved on his comb. The 'King of Pop' had a song for souls young and old. He was a true legend, he wears no mask in public and was known for his cute sense of humour. I loved Micheal best when he was 26, he was so cute. He had a slight nose job done and his brows thinned and he looked amazing. My personal favourite will always be the single "Heal The World"

The People We Meet

I always belief there are reasons for crossing paths with some people, sometimes the reasons are not known but nevertheless its always an experience, some sweet, some bitter but they are all part of life's bittersweet journey.

This past week has been great. To start with, there wasn't uni. Then Antony came into my life, is he the angel god has sent to shadow me during these phase, I question myself. Im not sure, but what seems sweet is not a smooth path either. Why? I ask myself, why send me someone who isnt going to be there forever? He is like my happy pill and a fatal attraction at that.

Its amazing how strangers become friends. Our usual dinner outing, Jaisri and I headed to Chapel. There were a series of twisted events that took place today. She had changed her mind about going somewhere else and had come to visit me. After some cooked lunch and a few glasses of muscat, we headed to Chapel St. From lapocheta,to thai and after streaming throught the street we decided on Italian, no seats and we got the bar, people left and we seated proper in 20 mins. The table beside had two guys seated 10 mins later. Two glasses of sweet white, Rivioli and Fettuccini is what we had with conversation revolving around people from back home. Then the guy from the table beside says hi. Faruq and Ifi. Handshakes and a conversation started. We were invited to O' Reily, a club in Chapel St. We met Lina, 6 more glasses of Bourbon, a few hours in the dance floor, a chicken kebab along the street and now i am back home on my bed. We had a blast, clean fun, a night full of laughter.

Who are these people? Why do they cross our path? I wonder......its true, angels do exist.......

Perfect of A Perfectionist

http://www.iloveindia.com/astrology/sun-signs/virgo/woman.html

Im so tempted!

My cousin in online, he's in Sydney from now til the 2nd for work, I am so tempted to catch that flight and go up and meet him, Im dieing to meet someone from home....im checking on the flights now...but where do I stay, ahhh sunder is there, havent seen him for sometime as well, ok I shall give it a check, can meet up with Vik as well....hmmm tempting eh....

I havent started studying or preparing for my assignments, my brain wants to travel , shop, meet people and enjoy life...errr....Qualitative Methods and Evaluation for Management & Developement Vs Sydney, Cousin, Friends & Fun.....It all depends on the price of the tickets.....hehe

2 Hrs later....
After much thought, the former wins, I should start studying first and preparing for my essays, Ive been hearing horror stories of my lecturer. I should procastinate or take my chances, Im heading to uni soon. Well, I'll find something to do over the weekend :-)

My Dear Little Friend

You caught my eye the moment you walked into the temple holding your daddy's hand,
Sitting on your mom's lap, you hugged her so tight and wouldnt let her go,
You had no clue that my eyes were glued for very long on you,
In your light blue pullover and dark blue denims you resembled him just so much,
Your cute little smile, pearly white teeth, dreamy eyes and thick jet hair,
Reminded me of my baby, a charismatic tall man in his thirties,
From a stranger you became my friend, from a friend he became my stranger,
I miss him so much and I want to hold him close so tight,
He doesnt have a clue and he doesnt want me in his life too,
Your little voice rings in my ears and images of you runs in my dream,
"Where's my toy pati" I heard you say, those few words crisp and clear,
I smiled at you and you stretched your hands out to me to play,
You looked at me by the corner of your eye, when I looked away to do my prayer,
You were upset and you cried when your mommy had another child in her arms,
I cried too when my honey walked out on me for another lady in his arms,
I hope to see you again on the 19th in Rockbanks this time,
Its the eve of my birthday and having to play with you,
would be the best present ever my dear little friend.....

Happiness Is.....

having that weekly chat on the phone with my family
hearing my little monkey say "I love u athay"
seeing the words "approm mike" and "miss you SB" from my cousins on FB
receiving "I love you" smses from my dearest loosu friend
getting "How are u, i miss your teaching" messages from my ex students
bringing fun and laughter into my friends' lives
praying for the well being of everyone around me
going for that run in the park
playing with the children who i meet in places
having a chat over a cup of coffee, glass of wine or mug of beer with friends
oggling at cute men in the trains and trams
catching a man stealing a glimse of me when I turn away
walking 20 mins to hang food on the gates of someone close to my heart
cossing paths with the man I love on the streets
nursing an injured friend and getting her back on her feet
above all is......
realising that i am loved and missed by many and
knowing that i bring happiness into the lives of the people around me :D

Weekend Updates

Friday night dinner and coffee with Jay. We have been wanting to drink for weeks but somehow everytime we meet, we decide on coffee instead, oh no! Is this a sign of age catching up?!? Stayed over at her place and accompanied her for house viewing on Sat. I liked the one with the Tennis court nearby, she wouldnt play tennis but at least I can play with Ravin when he's here, well its up to jay, im not the one who is going to reside there, but i'll be a feature on and off in their residence!

Was mugged by a druggie while waiting for the train in New Market. Ive got a phobia now. They can be so irritating sometimes. Footy game at night. Tim is a coach and he was able to buy us tickets at a discounted price. He used to be a National Soccer Player, playing alongside Sundrum & Fandi, those were the days, how can anyone forget the famous Kallang Wave. So the game was between Richmond Tigers and Hawthorn Hawks. Hawks won, goes without saying, they are a better team anyway but the tigers had excellent passes. Learnt about the rules of the game from Craig, Tim and Daniel. St Kilda is leading with Geelong coming next.

Sunday, headed to sunshine temple for Mr Vinnie's Bday. the procedure took forever. It was very different from S'pore temples. back home they never do archanai after 12nn. We were there for about 4 hrs. The food was good, typical Singaporean style. Brought back some prasatham to be given away. Headed to Bamah's after that, watched a tamil movie, had mutton curry with beans and eggs and then the 3 of us, Pushpa, jay and myself headed back. Am at Jay's now, poor girl had a fall and wanted me to accompany her home. Will be heading home later. I didnt call home yeaterday, i miss all of them loads, have to call later. Soleiman is online, updates from his end. Alright, i can hear Raneta and Jay having a conversation downstairs, i shall go and join them! Ta for now!

Life Is A Game.....Play It

Thinking back, I realise Ive been very blessed in my life, great friends, doting family, had a well paid job, loved and missed by many. What else could I ask for right. yeah I do get lonely sometimes in the absence of a man, but I had heaps of friends who were always keeping me on my feet.

I want be the happy person full of zest that I used to be. Jaisri says Im a clown, well not many have seen this side of me. Heading for a footy match later with 9 others, well just for the experience. Tomorrow is Mr Vinnie's bday so heading to temple, yeah im going to temple, well im a changed person you know. Bought a tennis racket, now got to find someone to play with. Have to start my exercises soon, probably take up the uni membership or maybe start running at Fawkner Park.

Have decided to make certain chnages in my life. Im my normal self when Im around people. Guna and I used to dance while doing housework. Jaisri and I have our girlie sessions every week talking about anything under the sun.

Shona & Vishesh are fun people to be around with. They are my housemates. We went to temple during Krishna Jayanthi. The ambience was spine shivering and we were lucky! We were stopped when they were moving the idols and i was right in front and got first hand view. The bhajans were good, I miss the bhajans I used to attend back home.

On the whole im happy with my life. Well Im sitting here with my savings, basically taking a break from work and having the luxury of time while others are w orking their heads off. There are many out there who envy the guts I had to drop everything and make the move. Not a perfect life but Im better off than so many other people I know. Im strong and I know I can do it! Thats the spirit girl! Treat Life as a game and Play it til you reach your peak! this is the real me :-)

Pondering Again

On my bed staring at the ceiling and thinking, so many images flash across. Missing my family, friends, cousins and my little devil most of all. Received an email from mommy, "I miss you honey" was the message. Tears flow as guilt takes over, I never had time for my wonderful family. What was I so busy about, thinking back it wasnt worth being a workaholic, Ive drowned myself in work for the past 8 years and after coming here Ive realised there's nothing really much ive learnt the entire time.

Living a life of a student isnt easy. Lecturer with high expectations, assignments, missing everyone back home, adjusting to student life, PR, parents worrying about my marriage, finances running low and trying to forget the man I love is just eating into me everyday. "Its Aussie gal, relax", says my cousin online, how to when u have so many things running in your head all at one time. The many I have here have been a blessing in my life, what would I have done without them? They keep me going I should say and of course family and friends I see online give me the assurance that Im being loved and missed.

The last 2 of my cousins are getting married, younger ones I should say. March and May next year. "If you dont get married by 36, you will never", says my dad on the phone. Im here trying to battle my feelings over someone who has moved on. God what do I do? Can you please send me an angel to shadow me through this phase.

Its been a month

A month has gona by. Ive made many new friends but I still miss some good ones back home. 2 modules for this semester, Qualitative Methods & Evaluation for Management & Development. Ros is English and her classes are very interesting, the many international and local students with diverse backgrounds and experiences make it more enriching. Classes are 2 evenings a week, 3 hrs each. Moved in last sunday to South Yarra, near the city, conveneient to school, affordable rent, lovely flatmates, what more can I ask for. Of the many places ive inspected and some offered, this was just meant to be. They have been looking for a flatmate since June apparently, some they rejected, some not too contented with certain conditions. Went for brunch yesterday with the meetup group, a cafe in St Kilda, nice brunch, nice people, nice conversations, people from all walks of life and from various countries. I was glad Reneta and jaisri dragged me there.

Still searching for my bed, table and cupboard, need to get those soon, the room is in a mess.Ive to start studying as well, heard Ros is very strict in her marking and its very difficult to score As with her, ohh well she is the director, she would have her standards, just my luck Im in 2 of her classes!

Jaisri and I headed to the city after brunch, did some shopping, she bumped into her ex and I bumped into my ex colleague. We had Vietnamese for dinner, afterchich we headed for a movie, "The Ugly Truth". Well how ironic because prior to that I bumped into V with his girlfriend. Well they looked as if they were getting it on, he seemed happy. That explains why he never replies to my emails. His Sydney chick, must be spending the weekend with him. What I dont understand though is why the need for the lies and drama with me? Why lie that he's going through shits and he's not seeing anyone? Im able to see through his lies, he thinks everyone is as dumb as he is, well I do play along sometimes and I do give him the benefit of doubt, but he lives up to my suspicions most of the time and disgusts me. People do stoop THAT low to get away from returning money, clowns why cant they just speak the truth and live with dignity? To think of all the bullshit he came up with and the justifications and defenses that he shoots, never seen a morally distorted human being like him.

If Tears Could Talk

People cry for various reasons,
when they are sad, when they are happy,
when they see a loved one going through a rough patch,
when they pass an exam or when they are in physical pain,
why are there tears in my eyes?
If tears could talk maybe they'll give me the reason to the flow.

Dearest Loosu

Tears roll down as I think of you,
The times we hung out after school and roaming the streets with you,
I tried calling you, but its just so you not to answer any calls,
Disappointed I hung up, asked everyone about u, but u,
I hope you are doing well, Im lost without you too,
Noone can replace my loosu fren, I will call you soon,
Dont be sad, Im here trying to find a place to stay,
School is starting soon and im here running for trains and trams,
Still like a homeless child, my mind is running in all directions,
Ive been provided with everything, yet im feeling lost,
Feeling depressed as well but im happy, just missing everyone back home
You take care, i'll call you soon, dont be sad my dearest loosu friend
I Love U!

The Past Week

Its nice to be back here after almost 10 yrs, ohh well i was here last year and the year before but that was for a different reason. Now Im back here as a student. Have been here for almost a week now. Glad I had a place with my cousin in Whyndham Vale but the downside is that its really far from uni and Ive to take 3 modes of transport and almost 2 hrs later I would reach my destination, apart frm that Ive been provided with everything and Im well taken care of.

Sitting in Ascot Vale right now in a friend's place, since yesterday actually, tying to figure my way to uni and looking around for rental places, going back to Whndham Vale tomorrow. Went looking around on sunday, liked the St Kilda unit and the Albert Park unit but the agents arent responding. It is so difficult to look for a place as a student, they either dont entertain or ask for 6 mths advance, didnt have a choice so called V tday to check on my email. He doesnt understand what im going through, has to be the jerk he has always been. Let him think watever he wants to think. I didnt feel like arguing with him. Does finding another woman makes one talk like this i wonder. Im angry with him for so many reasons. Sometimes he frustrates me so much with his bull stories that he comes up with but I dunt have the energy to retaliate.

I miss my loosu friend, my family and my cousins, I have to call loosu soon, I wonder what she has been up to.

Sometimes to divert your pain to something else, you use pain itself.Finally I met Su with my design. I took an instant liking to the design. For months I have been trying to search for the perfect one, something spiritual. I like this, a siluette of a body elevating with a tribal shade on the background. Its known as Higher consciousness, it was just so me!

An Eventful Weekend

With only ten more days to go, the treats have started coming in. Did quite abit this weekend. Met all my family members during my cousin's housewarming. D was there too. The night ended with our usual drinks and games session. Went for the pre-departure briefing by the Uni. Met 2 fellow educators who are taking a year off for their studies,unlike yours truly who has quit. Had a breakfast and a high tea appt today. A lunch appt yesterday and more dinners coming up this week. I feel like throwing up now, the food is till my neck. Took lots of pictures and will be uploading soon.

Sameer was online, saying that he missed me and the walking from his hotel to plaza sing to serangoon road, I was his tour guide, we ate so much. He loves Singapore and the food, so told him to marry a gal from here. The next day we had ice cream and we watched a break dance competition in one of the malls. We had so much fun. But there is something about this guy which isnt right. He left singapore abruptly saying his company wanted his back in LA. He had seen me online and actually explained before he left but Im pretty sure there is something else to this guy and most of the time when I feel such way, my suspisions are usually right. Well he treated me well as long as he was here, I mean a man who opens the door for you, offers to pay for your food, offers to make you a drink etc is usually hard to come by. As compared to a man who makes you pay for everything in the pretext of having only a credit card, Sameer was definitely better. Ohh by the way his name isnt even Sameer heh ;-)
He showed me pics of his family, a guys who has travelled quite abit and is taking a year off to go to Brazil and learn Spanish! I really wish I was the one in his place!

Stories from Dad

Had time alone with my dad today as the rest stayed over at my aunt's last night. I decided to pop this question if he would miss me when Im gone. Well the answer was known of course but its always nice to hear it from the horse's mouth isnt it. Im a bit worried though, dad always looks for me if wants something done with regards to his business, with me away, he;ll have to depend on my bro for certain things.

We started talking and he was telling me about an experience he had with a stranger last week. This Indian man started a conversation with my dad by asking him if he was tamil,well I get it all the time too. Sameer even said I dont look Indian, he said I can pass off as some Spanish chick. Coming back to my story, so this man asked dad for his caste etc, dad was taken aback as here its not a norm to go into such caste details when talking to someone. So apparently when he told the caste and the sub caste that we belonged to, the Vellaler Pillai, the man also belonging to the same caste told my dad that apparently this caste is 2nd to the Brahmins in India and we should be proud of it. Dad had his own stand on caste issues so I suppose he gave the guy the his 2 cents worth.

Next were stories from his days in VanDaHorse (think I got it right). He was telling his experience as a union leader working with the Germans and British. Dad was a smart guy, good looking as well, til today and I suppose I got certain genes from him and of course not to mention his leadership traits ;-)

Then came the story about Christopher Columbus. Apparently he was asked by some Queen to go to India and look into Spices to preserve food and for trade I suppose. So Christoper Columbus set off and landed wrongly in America, there he saw men with faces painted in red, thinking he was in India, he referred to them as the Red Indians. Interesting eh, now I should start reading some history :-)

Dejavu

Had 2 miss calls this morning, was an unknown number, as I was dressing to go for the pre departure briefing, I received an sms. I didnt want to go, was all dressed up to leave, then changed my mind, read the sms, it was Sameer, he was already in town. Called him, set to meet in the evening and went online. He was online too, was qestioning me whay Im not out still, then he suggested we met up since I was dressed and all.

We met, he was a very good online friend of mine. I didnt know his name til like last week i think, i know im just hopeless, well I remembered him by his nick. I didnt even remember how he looked. He recognised me and acknowledged when we met, well even if he had walked past, I wouldnt have known, heh. He reminded me so much of V, a fairer version of V, the way he talks,walks, his height, his interest....gosh, it was almost like talking to V, its just that V has totally shut me off his life and has become so cold towards me. I was so pissed with him after the last call that Ive erased all his contacts. As Im typing this, D calls, im supposed to meet him for dinner and movie tonight. Sameer wanted to meet for dinner, so I cancelled with D. I know, Im terrible, D is nice but Sameer reminds me so much of V, am not sure if I will ever meet V again, I'm angry and hurt with what he has done and the way he has been treating me, but I know I love this man. V is busy I suppose, searching for his soulmate, well let him be, he'll never understand me :(

Another Friday down

I have 2 fridays more officially, farewell treats have started, have been eating non stop, all those pounds I shed the past months are back on I think, gosh. Havent gone to the gym since my membership empired in mid May. More to treats come, next week seems to be packed. Ive been in school past 2 days trying to clear my desk and area, its not happening, 9 yrs worth of things, in between distracted by colleagues who are back to get some work done and prepare for school re-opening. There is talk that the 1st week may be off, due to the HIN1 virus. Still waiting for directions from MOE. Im chatting with a chap from fropper.com, a married one, he asked what im looking for in fropper, threw the question back at him since he is the married one, he laughed it off. Funny people, there are so many of these social netwroking platforms nowadays, dont even know how I got into this one, must be invites from friends I suppose, I dont even keep track of these sites and these people. Last night, my cousin blurted out that she has become aloof with men nowadays. As I sat there listening to her, I could identify myself with everything she was saying. Ive become like that too, aloof, disinterested and distant. We concluded that we are just too happy with the way our lives are going and have become very comfortable with being single and probably waiting for destiny to play its part.

Met up with L two days back, he bought me food, with him food was always plenty, he probed about V, I just shrugged it off, well V was the reason I missed L's wedding in Jan 08, bcos V was in town that period. As we parted, L gave me a hug and asked me to take care of myself. L is happily married, Im happy for him.

Its amazing how when you are single, you want to be attached and at the same time, my married pals would anytime want to trade places with me. They envy my freedom and the fact that I am bold enough to drop everything and go for something else altogether. As Im clearing my things here, its slowing sinking in that there is only 2.5 weeks left, the number of people Im leaving behind to live alone in a foreign land, the bouquet on my table from R who passed away 3 yrs back, the photos of my family and friends....gosh what have I gotten myself into!

Toilets - Did You Know

Happy Toilet School Education Programme
Restroom Association (Singapore)

In 1519, the provincial government of Normandy, France passed a law making toilets compulsory in houses.

In 1996, President Clinton passed a tax of 6 cents per roll of toilet paper.

Sir John Harrington invented the first flush toilet for Queen Elizebeth 1 in 1596.

Toilet paper was used in China as early as A.D.875.

The average North American spends 35 mins to an hour each day in the bathroom.

Each flush of the toilet releases a plume of bacteria-laden spray, which settles on the toilet seat.

Doorknobs and handles in public restrooms are relatively bacteria-free, because metal, like porcelain, resists bacteria.

The average consumer uses 8.6 sheets of toilet paper per trip, 57 sheets a day.

London's underground toilets are among the cleanest in Europe. Custodial teams compete against each other for cleanliness.

In 12 hrs, 1 germ can multiply fast enough to become over 64 billion germs.

Only 30% of the world's population uses toilet paper.

A thousand pounds of toilet paper can be made with one cord of wood.

The average toilet is flushed 8 times a day.

Germs in human waste can pass though 10 sheets of toilet paper.

In the late 19th century, toilet paper holders had a built-in knife to cut the amount needed for use.

Joseph Gayetty invented toilet paper in 1857.

Women'spublic restrooms contain twice as many bacteria as men's public restrooms.

Urinals at Amsterdam's Schipol Airport have pictures of small insects in them to make aiming easier.

Soldiers in World War One were the first to use modern flushing toilets.

People are more afraid of getting sick from germs in public restrooms than from germs in any other place.

Each day, Americans use 4.8 billion gallons of water to flush toilets.

85% of people responding to a national survey said their home bathrooms were cleaner than their workplace bathrooms.

The toilet is set up for left-handed people; most toilets are made with the lever on the left side, and most people flush with the left hand.

Do They Know

When will you ever stop your deceit, my love;
How much more have you got up your sleeves to show;
How many have you taken with your smypathy seeking lines;
To quench your lust, under your spell, with more of your lies;
Do they know, Ohhhh do they know;

How you rip them off everythin;
How you leave them standing with nothin;
How you vanish as they cry in waiting;
Didnt your past teach you any lessons ma boy;
Didnt your ma tell you not to play with hearts dearest Gemini;
Do they know, Ohhhh do they know;

How is it you run to the phone thinking its your ma;
When darling you said noone has your number including her;
I aint stupid ma boy, I can see through all your lies;
You blame me for everythin, but try and recall;
The mail that you sent from down under when I went missing;
When will you ever have the guts to face me, my dear;
You have no dil to know your wrong and go on your knees ma man;
A person like you will never understand, love, unconditional & true;
Do they know, Ohhh do they know ma friend

Dino Morea

Dino Morea is soooooooo hot! Has amazing looks and superb body any girl would die for......Im watching him on tv dance in the rain....weeee weeee

Taking Back My Love

Hockey World Cup - Singapore Vs Poland

Today Singapore was playing agaisnt Poland, 4 of my ex boys and 1 current boy are in the Singapore Team. They are all grown up and so mascular. Many current and ex Northlanders were in Senkang stadium to support our former boys. Poland scored the 1st goal and my dearest godson Sabri scored Singapore its 1st goal. Poland won Singapore 2-1 in the 70th min in a penalty shootout. It was nice to see my boys after such a long time.

I remember accompaying the hockey team to Penang for Fiesta Hockey in 2003 and 2004. Then on I took an interest in the sport, supporting our players duirng matches. We have a niche in Hockey. Almost 50% of the Singapore team is made up of former Northlanders! Tomorrow Singapore is playing NZ at 730pm but I wont be able to make it for the game :(

3 days of Strategic Planning has drained my brains but was a good learn. Ive been trying to look for a place to stay and realestate.com doesnt seem to have anything withing my budget, looks like ive got to bust it, im heading to Jayshree's once I land and my cousin will pick me up after work, gd thing I have Jayshree at least, have to make my way to Ascot Vale from the airport in the morning.....I have less than a month.....havent done so many things.......its been a week and my veins in my left arm are twitching still after the drawing of blood, looks like some nerve has been disturbed, arghhhhh just what I need at this moment.....melbourne, NSEW Melbourne, Parkville, Southbank, South yarra, St Kilda are some of the areas I have in mind.....hopefully I get a condo.....i know i know im spoilt! But I love to have some luxury in life hehehe!

I Miss You

This is something I found while clearing, thought I'll park it here before I throw the slip away...appropraite at this point in my life as well......a good 17 yrs Ive had it for....I think I took it off a card...cant remember the author...

I Miss You
I know we have said our goodbyes and I know we have gone our seperate ways,
but I stillmiss you.
I wish people were like chalkboards and we could wash our memories clean,
but we're not and we can't.
Yet despite the anger I feel sometimes, I remember how we smiled and laughed,
and how you held my heart in your hands.
I remember the tears and fights and how I took my heart back, bruised & witted,
but still somehow I miss you and I just wanted you to know that.....

The Lemming Dilemma

Another weekend has passed, the end of the 1st week of the school holidays, 3 more weeks and school starts, did all my packing, have 6 boxes, will send out tomorrow, years of collected items now in the bin, im finally seated to do some reading and prepare for the next 3 days of strategic planning!

Principal gave the heads some homework for the weekend, to read "The Lemming Dilemma" by David Hutchens,ive completed mine,it helps that im taking the public transport nowadays,cos I do my readings while travelling. This book is simple yet thought provoking. Its about living with a purpose and leading with a vision. This book explores the principles of personal mastery at an individual level. The story is about Emmy who wakes up to her own purpose and vision and also inspires other lemmings to wake up to their purpose. The answers to lives meaning can only be found within, it is impossible for someone else to tell you your purpose. Every organisation has their vision and mission statement. This is later cascaded down to every employee so that their own vision and mission is in line with the company's and everyone is working towards a common purpose. Its definitely easier to follow the herd than to stop, think, know what you want, get out of your comfort zone and make that change. What is the difference between purpose and vision? Purpose I would say is more general and address on the whys of existance, whereas vision is more specific and addresses on the whats of creation.

Pressure & Scuba Diving

Pressure is one of the physics topics for GCE O Level, sometimes the experiences you have gained in other areas is used in the classroom to make the teaching of physics more interesting. One such time was during the topic on pressure where my scuba diving experience and the theories learnt were used to embrace the topic.

Pressure is defined as force per unit area and is also expressed in PSI (Pounds per square inch), bar and atmospheres (ATM). We all know that pressure increases as you descend and decreases as you go higher. Have you wondered why dams have a larger base area (built slanted with a thicker base) and boiling takes a longer time at the peak of a mountain?

In diving, the surrounding pressure refers to the sum of air pressure and water pressure. At sea level the atmospheric pressure is about 1 bar (14.7 psi). This is the measure of the downward force on an imaginary 1 inch (2.5cm or 25mm) square colum from the top of the atmosphere to sea level (96km or 60 miles). As we know that water is denser than air, pressure increases when a diver enters the water and goes deeper, thus he experiences discomfort while entering and popping of the ears while ascending.

Our body comprises of 70% water that cannot be compressed but we have parts in our body that contains gases (sinuses, middle ears and lungs). When a diver enters the water, at 10m, where the body is under 1 atmosphiric pressure, Boyle's Law (by physicist Robert Boyle) takes place. As the depth increases to 10m, the pressure increases the the volume of your lung decreases by half. In order for a diver not to experience the squeeze (discomfort), he has to equalize his ears as he descends, this ensures that the pressure inside of the air spaces is equal to the pressure outside of the air spaces. Our eardrum is the wall between water and air. When the water pressure pushing on the outside of the eardrum is greater the the air presure from the inside, the diver experiences discomfort. That is why pinch shut our nose and descend as we blow gently into our nose. If halfway through there's any discomfort, just flip your legs, ascend to a comfortable depth, eaqualise then descend. I remember during the 3rd dive I couldnt get rid of the discomfort and had to stop descending. The discomfort lasted more than a week after I arrived in Singapore.

My Purpose

In my line of work, I do deal alot with external agencies and I should say meeting these people and working with them for the various programs for the youths in my school is demanding yet very fulfilling. I have had opportunities to meet ministers, work with personnel from other ministries and change the lives of youths under my charge. But by profession Im still a teacher. My classroom is my playground where physics comes alive! My Principal couldnt agree less when I asked him for some advise on whether I should do specialisation or a general masters degree in education. His advice for me is to go into the leadership track as he feels I have the traits of a leader (he must have been impressed with my frameworks hehe!) Judging from my personality, he says I'll be very bored if I do a specialisation. I do get bored easily and I need change, that should explain why im packing up and still single! I enjoy every bit of my freedom! Many of my friends talk about kids, diapers, cooking etc and me on the other hand am planning for a diving trip and dropping everything and re-starting life in a foreign land....This is me for you!

I thank many people along the way for who I am today. Ive worked with great leaders and the many falls I had were a step closer to success. Success is in the eye of the beholder to me. To each success is measured in different ways.

The book given by principal to be read by Monday and discused during SEC is simple yet makes you think.

Dads for Life

Dads for life is a national fathers movement headed by MCYS (Ministry of Community & Youth Services). We have a high number of pupils in my school coming from a single parent background and in most cases its the mother of the child in the picture. Researches have been done on how the quality of a father-child ralationship, the amount of time spent togther and the parenting style impacts a child in terms of cognitive , socio-emotional and At-risk behaviours. Needless to say, when there is positive father involvement in a child's life, the child has a higher IQ, higher linguistic ability, better academic achievement, better social emotional competencies (better ability to cope, secure attachments, moral maturity,rpo-social behaviour) and lesser at-risk behaviours (delinquencies, theft, substance abuse, truancy).

Some Findings
In UK, even controlling for mother involvement, father involvement at age 7 was found to be significantly associated with educational attainment at age 20 (Flouri 2005).

US Department of Education study found that children are 43% more likely to earn mostly As and 33% less likely to repeat a grade (Nord & West, 2001).

In Singapore, Dr Ong Ai Choo (2000) found that good fathering was associated with adolescents’ positive school engagement and higher academic achievement.

AT the same time studies have also shown that children exhibited more conduct problems when their parents engaged in anti-social behaviours and were more aggressive and delinquent when subjected to harsh parenting techniques.

In my life my dad was always there for me. I should thank him for the leadership traits, practical mind, the strength and the values he has instilled in me. I know he favours me over my brother anytime and its very evident sometimes. Im the the gem in daddy's eyes and not to mention that im daddy's little (far from that ;)) girl! I know my dad is proud of who I am and my achievements so far but at the same time ive also subjected him to many disappointments when it comes to relationships. But I knew he loved me when he gave in to my happiness and silently backed me up when the men he rejected turned out to be the jerks he expected of them. I still hold the guilt in me for hiding the truth to protect this jerks. Ive been daddy's 'secretary' all these while, collecting rents for him, writing up business agreements, renewing business licences etc. I know he is going to be lost without me and me without him.

Im closing the chapter finally and Im happy about it

The day started with a sense of relief, realised nothing shatters me anymore, good isnt it ;) Received a mail, surprised at the time it was sent, nothing surprising about the reply, an expected one. Loads of work to do but my mind is clear. Finalised my tickets yesterday, sent an email to all my family and friends, received a couple of replies. Nice to know I'll be missed. Sometimes I wonder if Ive made the wrong choice, maybe I should have applied for the UK, ha who knows maybe i'll meet someone from the UK in Oz, probably thats why my PR agents keep disappearing!

Had a long chat with M last night. He was on his way home from work, stopped his vehicle to give me a call. He is happy that im going for my dreams finally. Yesterday's conversation made me realise that he cared alot about me, it was a nice feel to know someone genuinly cares about you. The first thing im gona do when I land is to find an open speace and scream, something Ive been wanting to do for a long time. Like what M told me, Im going to leave everything behind, forget my past and start afresh. Im excited to meet Jayshree and my cousin. We always had our gal fun! Ravin will be joining us soon as well, the gundooo who was trying very hard to convince me to go to OZ cos he was going there! It wasnt because of him that im there, I was just procastinating on my UK application!!!!!

Im closing my past finally, everything deleted from my mailbox & hp. Some things are just not worth my time and effort but it more for a satisfation that I gave a shot and the assurance that i was right about my decision. My best friend was right, If I had gotten a "yes", I would have thought hard and eventually rejected it for practical reasons. I was split into a third of a fraction wanting and the rest not. I had to do it so that the "what ifs" dont kill me later! The sense of relief is amazing......

Aishah from the gym called to ask if I was free yesterday. My membership had expired. I have about 5 weeks and Ive found an alternative, so rejected her offer. Its going to be at my cousin's frm this week. Pool, sauna, tennis and gym. I was packing my tennis and volley ball, my dad was standing there giving me that "I cant belief you look!"

I Am Dead & Living

I am dead and living, the living dead they call me,
You have already killed me with your silence, actions and words,
There's nothing more in me that is left for you to take,
My soul has long been gone to give any chase,
So dunt you worry your gals are very safe,
What you see is just the shell, with tears on its lifeless face,
In the streets we may pass, dont be surprised
If this souless shell looks through while walking past,
Dont ever cry for me, I am sure you wont,
Nothing of you was ever meant for me, you never let it mean
Let me be, this living dead wants to walk alone.....

What else is in store

Didnt like what I heard today....I dunno what else there is in store....heart feels heavy.....need some time alone with my fag....when will I ever get a break from my miseries...im giving up on life....

Im not sure what D meant on Sat, 'No matter where u go I wunt let u go'...I brushed it off with my usual laughter......i dunt care....just leave me alone....just wana be away from everyone....got the add of the tattoo artist finally.....maybe this pain is better than the one im already experiencing

Its Sunday again

Every Monday I look forward to the weekend, the weekend comes and ends with the wink of an eye. With about 5 weeks left, tons of work to do, tickets to buy and accomodation to settle, Im just going mad! Uni Services requires me to pay $60 for their services. My cousin isn't going to be home when I arrive, got to find an alternative place until she ends work. I never got anything easily in my life, so Im not even surprised this is even happening! Dont feel bad for me :)

Hope im able to find PT job to finance myself. Im glad I didnt have to trouble my dad, had to let go of my hero. No more luxuries, massages, mani, padi expensive restaurants etc. Back to student life, but I refuse to stay with students, probably another professional, not alone either,i'd probably not have a wink of sleep for days. In your 30s sometimes you want your private space. I go into silence alot nowadays, so its better to stay alone or with 1 other person. Getting to Uni from Whyndham Vale is going to be a challenge, was told there isnt any public transport there. GREAT! Hope to get a place before uni starts on 27th July!

Its finally starting to sink in that im going to be away for a long time fom my loved ones. I have many here whom Im going to miss like crazy, sometimes I ask myself what I have gotten myself into. What was I even thinking?!? Lata, my childhood friend got into Uni of Manchester and leaving in Sept. The irony of it all, she was trying to convince me to go to Oz initially and I was adament on going to the UK! I managed to change her mind to go to the UK and convinced her with Uni of Manchester just to realise later that Manchester didnt offer Education and it was supposed to be Uni of Edinburgh, I got it wrong, but she didnt have Human Resource in Edinburgh, Erghhhhh!!! She was trying to convince me with Manchester, mails went back and forth, got my referees, then got busy with work, we got the dates for the UK Uni exhibition wrong and by then Monash had offered. Figured I'll go with the flow as I was too tired by then. Will be UK if Melb Uni doesnt offer. So here we are, im making my plans to Oz and she to UK. Her dad is in France so it makes more sense for her, mine wasnt too keen on me going to the UK....

I was intending to apply for no pay leave. Things took a turn and Ive tendered my resignation instead. As for my PR application, this is my 3rd agent! After so many emails since March to this agent, I dont have the confidence to let him handle my case anymore, so Im going to do it myself once Im there! That is hanging as well, gets me thinking sometimes, why is all these happening, so Ive stopped planning....whenever I plan the guy up there has somthing else in store for me! Ive invited him to have tea with me so many times, but he refuses to accept my invitation, he probably thought i'd have too much to ask and is avoiding me! Im talking about GOD by the way :)

Im more upset and extremely sad than anything. Beats me why he cant even say a personal 'thank u', well im not talking about GOD this time. Is it that difficult? Isnt that basic courtesy? How dumb can someone be to even think that thanking someone in a blog and sending an email with a personal note is the SAME!?! He talks about a certain eye all the time, probably his special someone, poems of love and special moments with that someone are described vividly and often breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Its difficult but I have a choice not to read, heeee. Sometimes I wonder if it is so difficult for a man to realise that a girl is so in love with him and wants him in her life so much. I dont understand him when he says its a fresh start and he isnt ready to give his number, pathetic excuses for having no guts I take it. Even a place to stay, where did that come from? Well, some say that its easier to tell a lie than the truth. It is said that your life comes to an end when you are silent about the things that matter. Im silent nowadays, I yearn, feel pain, cry, recall the past and try to hate....nothing seems to be working....I dunno what to do....so ive decide to live with him in my fantacy world....i know he will belong to someone else one day....then maybe I'll let go.....You're probably going "How Stupid, just let go and go on. There are so many fishes in the sea" Trust me, i hate myself so much sometimes that I wanted never to wake up from my sleep. Why am I longing for someone who doesnt care to find out about me, doesnt bother replying to my emails, shuts me from his life and wants a new someone in his life....I cant hate him so I hate myself.....maybe I should have a lifesize mannequin of him and throw darts at it, but knowing me, i'd probably start talking to it, kiss and hug it! Ha! Sorry Im a rebel, I dont listen to anyone nor conform to anything against my wishes, I fight when it matters and go silent when I no more matter!

Step Up 1 & 2 - The Final Show

I Love Hip Hop!!!!

Do U Get Wetter Running In The Rain?

During one of those wondering moments, my mind wandered off in inquiry. Whenever it rains, some people run towards the nearest shelter and there are many others who would continue walking towards their destination. It is one of those moments that got me thinking if running or walking in the rain would actually make a difference to the amount of wetness (mass of water on an object).

Like in any other experiment, one makes a hypothesis, sets the constants and determines the variable. Wetness refers to the mass of rain on an object. In this case the constants should be the surface area of the object (your body), the amount of rainfall (assuming the the mass of rain falling per area is the same), time spent in the rain (distance traveled by a body/speed of body), relative rain velocity (velocity of the rain - velocity of the body), angle at which the rain hits the object, density of rain. The variable would be the speed of the object.

Well we have to bear in mind that alot of assumptions are made in this case (surface are of body cant be constant throughout and the speed of the various body parts differ as well).

So the verdict then? I would think it is more as when you run, assuming that the rain is from the back, your back happens to slouch and there is more surface area that captures the rain for the same amount of time as when a person is walking, bcos we have kept time as a constant factor in this case.....maybe I should do an experiment in our turf, as we have powered water jets to water the turf...hmmm good idea!

Nice To Know

Is nice to know that people do look for me when I go missing, got a call from Mahesh in the morning tday. He was on leave and wanted to lunch with me and catch up...miss him....Sameer was online as well...my friend from the US, was in s'pore over the weekend and now in Jakarta, has promised to meet up with me next week, told him i dun even rem his name & only got his real name today! Im just hopeless! Das said he wld be in melb around the 25th for a conference and would drop in to see me, Sharm will be Melb at th same time as well, he didnt believe me when i said i was single! Is that so difficult to belief? I wonder? Will be gng skiing with him. Its nice to know that some friends still care about you and come looking for you when you go missing.....and there are others who .....its alright...i shall not go there....Thank U ma friends! U must be wondering why all the names are of males, well like ive said before, for me ive found true friendship in my male friends, i dunt have that many female friends to start with...the ones who care about me are still in my heart the rest know where they stand & will be gone with my departure.......

Do You Know

Too many sleepless nights, the ceiling at most times is a witness to my gaze
Memories of us in each others' arms, your first touch and kiss in the east,
Mails from your gals ive read over and over, memories of your lies and deceit ive run through in my head forever, non seem to seep through to erase memories so dear
What do I do and how long more I know not, no light at the end of the tunnel
It knows of your ignorance and yet it seeks for you, no words has let to its stop
What do I tell, that you want it no more? That you want to seek elsewhere, that you find happiness in someone else's arms? That you care too less of its existance?
It listens not to any, it has its own beat and synchs with the mind no more
Have you never wondered how I am or what im doing? Am I not in your friends lise, have you not thought of me a sec? Can you hear my plead with GOD, do you feel the vibration of my voice calling out for you, can you feel the hotness of my tears? Do you know that I want you back in my life so much, do you know that you're the only one I'll love and want to be with till eternity? Tell me what to tell cos Ive no words to describe my pain no more, my voice you wunt hear either, it hurts to know that you find happiness in keeping me away, If for the digits you think so much, your actions speaks louder than your words....why can I ask you do this to me? I would like to rip it apart and walk with it in my hands....than maybe it will realise you seek for it no more!

Food of Love

Slept alone in that huge bed last night, mom, aunt, my little rascal and my maid had gone to my Periamma's place to stay over. "Settle daddy's meals tomorrow". mom had instructed me before she had gone, asked me if I wanted to go as well, passed the offer. I didnt have someone to hug and sleep last night but at least I had space and didnt have to worry about falling off the bed on one turn!

Dad had taken his breakfast by the time I was up, well he gets up around 6ish every morning, does his prayers for an hour, thanks to him, family is well. Went to a turkish place last night, dinner was good, so decided to try out something similar, but dad is vegetarain, so anything I do has to be vegetarian as well. Went through the fridge...hmmm.....decided to cook up some pita filling to be eaten with pita bread. Potatoes, brinjal, tomatoes, capsicum, mock mutton some spices and walla it was done...dad was happy when he entered the kitchen and saw me cooking, must have been thinking "great im gona get something different today", he knows I normally try out new dishes and he's usually my guinea pig! Pita bread, spread some yogurt as i didnt have sour cream, some lettuce, filling, roll, cut into half on a plate and dad'd lunch was served to him at 1130am!

Smsed ma bro, "Come try my pita", my sis in law and him decided to forgo their lunch date and come try my food....i had compliments.....i was smiling from ear to ear....its nice to see people eat and be happy. Dad says i take after my grandpa (his dad), I havent seen him before, but apparently he used to house and feed immigrants from india who had come to s'pore in search of work....my thoughts went out to my baby boy....wonder what he had for lunch today...hmmm..just hope its not maggie...i decided to have a cone of ice cream, a habit I developed with Lesh on sundays....we would grab a cone each and watch tv....today he isnt around, as I was scooping I was smiling to myself....I remembered how my baby boy used to eat his ice cream....in a huge bowl and I wouldnt trade watching that satisfaction, that gleam on his face afterwards...

Need to do some online payments, with my hero gone i thought my expenses would decrease, doesnt seem like it, $450 for visa, $150 for medical, %1000 for tics,$300 for courier.....and not mentioning my credit cards bills....may burnt a hole in my pocket....birthday presents, treats, mothers' day...i'll have to watch my budget.....better keep track....went shopping last saturday, since i was in town.....didnt have time to go to the post office on monday, so got a friend to help me do a registered post....just to ensure its receipt, but I hope someone is home.....my packing is killing me....i havent sent over my stuff yet....got to do it by end of this week at least.....have dinner with amma tonight....her long over due mothers' day dinner.....Need to spend some time with amma before I leave as well, she was the one who took care of my since I was a baby, til I was about 12 yrs old. This is my other family....so when its mothers' day, I have 3 of them in my list, the other is my aunt who lives with us since my younger days....not to mention that her bday and my mom's bday is in May as well......bought my mom a card and gave it to her last sunday, she cried after reading it....told her that I love her even though I seem very distant from the family for the past few years...mom had vouched not to waste the next month by picking an arguemnt with me...lets c....

Dear GOD.......

Did some packing and realised I had too many things to bring over. Pondered for some time, vacuum packed all my clothes, still have more to go, was clearing the cupboard and came across a box containing letters and cards from the last time I was in Melbourne. Henty Court & Crampton Cresent both in Mill Park & Haines St in North Melbourne, going through the cards and mails gave me a very nostalgic feel, nothing beats receiveing something through snail mail as compared to email. Some from the list still remail, some long gona and lost from touch. Then I stumbled upon the rosary, the stalk of orchid, tummy trimmer and the hair straightener...brought back the good memories in Melbourne a yr back. I remember him saying "Im in the giving mood, so u better grab watever u want", damn I was so stupid.... Shopping with him was fun....even when we were in Malacca, i enjoyed every bit of dressing him up and making sure he looked good when he left home.....he used to ask me to choose his clothes for him......i used to irritate him so much & loved to see him get irritated and annoyed with me, then I would smile on the inside while he walked around with the constipated look of his! my adorable baby.....yeah he was like my big baby...is still..more in my heart.....and who can forget his picnic bag....it was a joy seeing him eat, like baby krishna eating Neiyi but of course being men they would enjoy thier mommy's cooking the best.

Its been a yr, but it seems very real still, he is very much in every vein of mine, so fresh in my memory. Went for a play today and in the cast list, his name was the first....so many things reminded me of him today and I just drifted back to the first time I met him in the airport....memories....

Jeevan called, enquired about me missing in action and wanting to spend time before I left, he is my irritating adorable nanban....very nice boy....received a call from Yayshree, she seems to be doing alright, jobfront still slow she said....asked her if she can help me look for a place to stay....her landlady doesnt let her sublet, said she'll be in the lookout but no promises......student services gives free airport tranfer ONLY in the city! Gosh What do I do......well I'll leave all as it is till mid June maybe, then I'll make the necessary changes.........its nice to hear from people who care about you....but there are some calls you wish would come one day......

GOD? hello U there? Listen, I cant take this anymore, u either erase my memory or give me back my baby boy cos this is damn bloody painful...literally....or maybe its chest pain or mild heart attack that im experiencing hehe ;)

He's Not That Into U

Watched that movie and have received emails on signs & symptoms to see if a man is into you, sometimes you identify with the signs & symptoms and sometimes it just confuses you even more. He loves me, he loves me not....he wants me....he wants me not......is this abt her, to her or its to me....

Who is it that you love so much that has walked away. Your intended parties may be many. Nowhere near you is what you wanted and has been granted, The Yes never left from within, its living in dreams that one day it will be swept by that very knight in shining armour (or a pirate, a rose by any other name is still a rose isnt it), Does love still exist in you, sometimes ignorance seems to be the bliss. If you love a woman, show her that you do, go for her and im sure she loves and wants you just as you do, or maybe even more.

The one in waiting may not be the one in your thinking, sometimes words unspoken may be left unspoken....

Paakatha Enna Paakatha Kothum - Aaru

Today didnt start very well, maybe my mind in pre occupied with the loads of things thats in my to do list, D called yesterday, apparently he was expecting my call on sunday, the day after our date, told him I was busy. Truth is I didnt feel like talking to him, have nothing to say, m not interested in anything nor anyone, Im gona disappear from everyone's life here & downunder. "What are u thinking", have been questioned repeatedly by my close friend lately, i just shake my head & continue. Ive been spending alot of time just with her, gym, lunch, dinner, movies etc, I dunno what Im gona do without her down under. Sometimes relatives and people whom ure close to play you out, its just good to stay away from everyone, at least you dont impose on them in any way.

The staff trip to JB has been canceled, Im not sure what is gona happen to my diving trip. We are planning one in June, have to gt my open water diving license this time. Lets see what happens. Shall discuss with Brian....I shall be back in the afternoon...

Marking Dramas!

I would have wacked my students' heads if they were beside mei swear! Their ans are irritatingly funny

Q: Why does a dog stick its tongue out on a hot day?
A: To tell us that its thirsty!

Q: State 1 alteration the gardener could do to the wheelbarrow so that lifting the handle would be easier.
A: Put 2 jet rocket engines at the handle!

Ponderings.....

Head is filled with to do things, briefed my colleague who is taking over all my classes, judging from her face, i think she's gona be on another 6 months child care leave, considering she just returned from one, marking is still on the way, moderation of marks tomorrow, visa done, medical still in the list, PR agent has gone missing, have to hook him & get started on that!Packing items all on my bed, sleeping in the next room for now, need to send my stuff over through post, 6 weeks to reach, currency is going up, investments getting better, accomodation seems to be on the streets for now, "dont worry you'll have a place in June", i was told, owner claims to have asked the existing people to move out, but I doubt there was even an attempt, so much for trusting someone for a simple thing like a roof over the head! Nvm, i'll bring my tent along if need be, that has never failed me as humans do.

Ive my successor shadowing me from now, seems overwhelmed by the responsibilities, have work review with my Principal, meeting my cousin at 1pm, an appt with Mr Nicotine, has been along time, waiting for her to move into her new condo, friends I havent seen for some time, so many things to do, so little time,resignation letter has to be in, need to contact my VP for a testimonial, he has promised to give me a good one, thank u sir! Knew I can count on u! Speech day will be my last school event, BBQ with the 'At-Risk' group will be the last gathering in school on the day of my departure....sadness in my heart, pondering how its easy for some to just move on and accept another into one's circle, what is it in another u find peace and happiness that u lack in one...ive given up seeking for answers...Rebels live for the day!

Breakfast Table

We met for breakfast, our discussion topic: alcohol
Had wheezing after consuming alcohol and mango said my colleague
My husband asked why we should chill wine, blurted another
Alcohol should not be taken with fruits like mango and durians
there is a chemical reaction that occurs between the fruits and alcohol
what is the exact reaction is my weekend homework for now
Alcohol when kept in the open, reacts with oxygen and becomes sour,
oxidation we call it.....what do you expect when 3 chemistry, a physics
& an english teacher get together...

If Moving On Was That Ez

He has been asking me out for sometime but Ive been putting it off. D calls me on Sat to remind me that I promised to be out with him that night. Felt like banging my head, well at least I owe him that much. Didnt want it to be a date, so I asked my cousin along, she knew him anyway. An hour before the scheduled meeting my cousin backs out. He wasnt someone new to me, he's the same one who told my brother he would marry me if I was still single a couple of years down the road. He had bought the tics for Angels & Demons, my kind of movie. I totally enjoyed the movie, like how I enjoyed the DaVinci Code as well, but the book was better than the movie for the latter.

Movie ended, he suggested dinner and drinks therafter. He came prepared, there was another helmet secured to the back of his Super 4. I looked at him thinking am i supposed to get on the bike?!? This is where I miss my hero, if only I still had him! Dammit! When was the last time I got on a bike? Yeah 2001/2002, I remember J, well he is already married and has twins, we still keep in touch, sometimes laugh over the past. Last month, he said he regretted his decision of breaking up with me and his ego had stopped him from coming back. Wats the point of regretting now was my only response to him.

Now coming back to D, so I got on the bike, my hand on his shoulder and making sure there was sufficient distance between us,the tamil film scenes came to my mind at that point! Directed him to the coffeeshop. The night was good, we shared stories of our past, discussed about life, relationships, sex, men, women, the movie, people we know, indian mentality, etc and gave each others' perspective on each. Then he pops the question abt when imintending to get married. Told him ive given up on marriage and love, he probed further, then I confessed that Im still in love with my ex boyfriend and I cant forget him no matter how hard I try. Ive let him be and have refrained from writing or calling him (well i dunt have his number and not making any attempts to get it either), but he is still in every vein of mine and every day in my thoughts. He has asked me to move on, but how do I tell him that I cant. Maybe when one day he is married I will move on......"So are you thinking of reconciling with him" was D's next probe, how can I with a man who has already moved on, holding him back would be selfish on my part. As we were talking i received an sms from M, "Bought 2 tics for 1240 movie, angels & demons, would you join me please?" A married one bugging me. Ignored the message and continued with my converstaion with D. ITime passed, it was already 4am, he dropped me back home, during the ride he tried braking a few times along the road, well there wasnt a need to, but of course i held on tight and my cg never shifted! Sorry to disappoint u Mr D, Im only for 1. He saw me to my lift, I thanked his for the night and walked away.

If only moving on was that easy....I still love you my dearest gem downunder......

Dont Try So Hard to Hide

Know the truth before you shoot,
Watch ur mouth before u send that para out,
The entire world aint just after you,
So shove that number up urs for all I care,
Wat is it ure trying so had to prove & what
is it that ure runnig from u mite care to share.
Appreciate people if your brain aint disabled,
Noone aims to see you be crippled,
Learn to differ people with their name cos all arent the same,
Reasons many you may give, but the truth wunt be long underlit,
Lines by you are responses to One, go on & deny all u want,
The pieces uve given, Put them together and the puzzle will make sense,
Perth it may be, new found love it has to be, fisheyes is Kayilvizhi
Learn to sieve the good from then bad, I can see that uve already done that,
Its ur life and there isnt a need to hide, So chill ma fren & learn to fight!

Im A Rebel!

No norms I conform to, have my own mind & my own style too
The rebel in me wants to live again, you will see it coming soon
Tattoos ive designed on my own, dont come back home i was told
F* the world I dont care! Come get me if u can, im gona make my life a story to tell

Havent been feeling very good lately, you're gona die says my cousin cheekily,
was never afriad of death and she knows, should have been dead a long time ago,
the road was always my deathbed, speed devil ive always been called,
summons & demerit plenty Ive got, sleep om my wheels I never forgot,
Love I did unconditionally but only to be crushed and left lonely
Sympathy I dont need & bait with carrots a smart one doesnt carry
Im a beauty I was told, dont u worry I'll never walk alone.........

My Tattoo Design

This is what happens when the online visa application page is under maintenance!

My Superman

I had a conversation with my nephew the other night, well ive been sleeping with him and my aunt since the disturbing dream I had in Feb. I asked him " Lesh, Im gona leave in 2 months, what will you do? There wunt be anyone sleeping beside u" His response "I will fly like superman and save you from the plane you're flying on, dont worry Athay" Well Im gona miss my little monkey. When asked if he would cry during my departure, he says no and that he would laugh like this: HA HA HA.

He is the one who questions me when im late or asks me where im going and whith whom im gona be out with....my little monkey is turning 5 on July 16th, but he is my playmate, my victim, my band, my drawing board, my crying pillow and most of the time my dad. There are times when we run around the house, sing our lungs out and dance in front of the TV....I dress him up like a gal, i steal his food when he's not looking, make funky hairstyles for him, try my tattoo skills on his skinny arms and get a scolding from my mom for making a mess of him when he had just showered!

Im gona miss him, my nights are gona be lonely with no my little rascal missing, we talk stories or watch movies on my laptop sometimes in bed.....Im gona miss him so much...noone to question me, no more whys and noone to tell me "Athay look at my arms, im strong cos Im eating chicken and eggs!".....

Take Me Away

Shivers down my spine, droplets of perspiration
Something wasnt right but the day has to move on
The heart feels hollow and stomach churns the same
I pray to thee my lord, erase my mind or my heart
shall run dry today.

What is it the past that holds memories todate
Havent I served my time & why isnt it up yet?
Have mercy on me please, am I also not yours....

I Think I Felt Pain

The day started out alright, with the absence of my hero, one kind soul who lives next to me offered to give me a life to school. I was activated for the temperature taking exercise, with my gloves, mask and the thermometer I headed to the classes, looked like a scene in ER. After invigilation I headed back, opened up my mails, many FYA emails from my P, received a call from the finance, "I was told by your office that you've instructed them to stop our payment?" "Yeah I did, maybe you should check with your service department why I had to do that? Payment will be done once your service is fulfiled" and blank went the phone...I bet she would have cursed & sweared.

My stomach started churning, I get this only when Im nervous....I was gng numb and losing my thoughts, wats happening? Im not gng for an interview nor a presentation, then why am I feeling this way? I sat with my hands on my heads and then I felt it.... The Pain, it not an heart attack....so this is it...ive felt it at last...u know how people say abt the matters of the heart? "Its Painful?" Yes thats it I felt THAT PAIN today....wow that was one hell of a pain i should say.....it happens I suppose when u miss someone like hell and u have so much inside u that wants to burst out....

The rest of the day went on fine, headed to the gym after work, my heart rate was fluctuating between 179 to 182 and I was doing cardio....am I alright? 120 crunches, machines for the thigs and arms and off we were to the steam room...our topic for today....we were dicussing abt a book and the different kinds of love depicted in the book....its very different....so what is real love? The author had a different stand to it....well before we got to that, the steam stopped and we were forced to leave after a 15 min wait....showered, had a healthy dinner of fruits & a miz of carrot & orange juice....that felt damn good!

As I entered the house, My dad asked me a question, got me thinking.....y ask after all these months.....

Ignorance

Yesterday, Sat, My friend & I were crazy enough to catch a bus to terminal 3 for dinner. As I was getting ready I receive a call from my bro's fren who over the past 2 years has become a permanent fixture in my family parties. "Hey what are you doing? Your bro said u needed a favour?" I remember once I asked him why he wasnt married yet and his response, "I wana marry u, how? Wil u marry me? In fact I told your bro last yr that if ure still single in the next couple of years I'll marry u." "Im running away from this country, if ure ok with running away with me then i'll marry u," was my reply with a cheeky smile :d

I went to drop my mom and her friend at someplace, as I got off the car to cross the road, I could hear her friend asking her my age and if im seeing someone. Finally a few phonecalls later, she tells my mom there is an eligible bachelor. Haha i was thinking to myself, tday is not ur day. "Ur mapillai, is he ok with running away?", i blurted. She was taken aback, well I was in my rebelious mode that day too bad eh! 2 weeks later she calls trying her luck again, my mom was on the phone, I was opposite her doing a charade of a bird flying and a plane taking off, I swear my mom felt like throwing something at me heh :))))

Of course I still get messages from THE sleezy MF matrimonial website, y am I still in then? well, when Im in my stressed rebel mode some MF gets it from me, its better than a stressball, trust me... Ive met tons of sick chauvanistic Bs! One was ready to give me 300K and move to Aust and take care of me. When I told him I was in love with someone else, he proposed marriage!!!!! Of course not mentioning the tons of sex maniacs in there whose conversations revolve ONLY around sex....anywhere around the globe they are all the same, they all think thru their other head!

But there was one, who chat with me one nite, I happened to be up late doing my assignment that night. We shared the same thoughts, we were discussing abt the website and life. He had his own set of problems, the women he met were more interested in marryig his US citizenship rather than him. Recently an interesting soul whom I came across in Orkut sometime back, shared his life story with me. If he was anywhere near me, i swear I would have given him a huge hug. I take my hats of to this guy who amidst all his miseries is still able to infuse humour and make me smile reading his mails. Chandler, as he calls himself, and I have become friends, its kind of wierd how we met actually, was an accident. He had gone missing since Jan and re-appeared last week with a 'hi' email. I would want to meet him one day. The most courages soul Ive come across in my life! A true hero.

Its amazing how some people have so much of love to give and people either are ignorant (or maybe just dense) or just take advantage of their kindness. There are yet others who go after women or men who are totally worthless when they have a soul still in waiting for them. They are totally blind to the good people around them and rather go after some selfish, manipulative, boastful, disgusting being...trust me Ive met 1 such woman, who had no qualms lieing to the man she was practically having an affair with. Not that this man was any angel himself....she had lied to him that she was single when she was already engaged, and her defense, I just wanted to see how far this man would go to marry me...guess what this man actually went all the way to Europe not knowing what he was in for...of course he wasnt there solely for that purpose himself. Disgusting women like her dont think twice about faking their pragnancy nor lieing about having a sibling in hospital with his stomach out. She thought everyone around her was as sly and dumb as she was...of course there are others who stick around you in the name of helping you, with a different agenda of course and some others who go into a total 'silence' cos the world has come down on them but of course their other 'face' is secretly functioning to fish for some sympathy....i have shivers down my spine til tday when i think of the lies I was told by these women....that sould explain why most of my frens happen to me male....there are people who would actually stoop that low.....hmm.....but it was a good experience dealing with these women..as I tell my pupils everyday, no school prepares you for the challenges that life is gona challenge you with...now when i think of it, its just hilarious!

Alright my 30 mins is up. Ive got a drinking session soon. Its been some time hehe.....Vodka, JD, Bombay Sapphire, southern comfort...hmm my cousin is shifting and we are there to finish off the bottles, the last day in this house... Cheers to 689D!

Dedication - Songs by Bryan Adams

1) Please Forgive Me

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me

This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch

We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'....

2) Here I Am

Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true

It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of young hearts
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am

Here we are - we've just begun
And after all this time - our time has come
Ya here we are - still goin' strong
Right here in the place where we belong

Chorus X1

Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true

Chorus X2

Here I am - next to you
And suddenly the world is all brand new
Here I am - where I'm gonna stay
Now there's nothin standin in our way
Here I am - this is me

3) When You Love Someone

When you love someone you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon put out the sun
When you love someone
You'll deny the truth believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe
you can really fly
But your lonely nights have just begun
When you love someone
When you love someone you'll feel it deep inside
And nothin' else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone
When you love someone - you'll sacrifice
You'd give it everything you got and
you won't think twice
You'd risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone

All Time Favourite

Movie Name: Roja (1993)
Singer: Balasubrahmanyam SP
Music Director: Rahman AR
Lyrics: Vairamuthu
Year: 1993
Producer: Balachander K, Mani Ratnam
Director: Mani Ratnam
Actors: Arvind Swamy, Janagaraj, Madhubala, Nazar, Pankaj Kapoor


kaadhal roajaavae engae nee engae
kanneer vazhiyudhadi kannae
kannukkul needhaan kanneeril needhaan
kanmoodip paarththaal nenjukkul needhaan
ennaanadhoa aedhaanadhoa sol sol

(kaadhal)

thenral ennaith theendinaal saelai theendum njaabagam
chinnap pookkal paarkkaiyil dhaegam paarththa njaabagam
velli oadai paesinaal sonna vaarththai njaabagam
dhaegam rendum saergaiyil moagam konda njaabagam
vaayillaamal poanaal vaarththai illai kannae
neeyillaamal poanaal vaazhkkai illai kannae
mulloadudhaan muththangalaa sol sol

(kaadhal)

veesuginra thenralae vaelai illai inru poa
paesuginra vennilaa penmai illai oayndhu poa
poo valarththa thoattamae koondhal illai thaeindhu poa
boomi paarkkum vaanamae pulliyaagath thaeindhu poa
paavai illai paavai thaevai enna thaevai
jeevan poana pinnae saevai enna saevai
mulloadudhaan muththangalaa sol sol

(kaadhal)

Past, Present & Future

Today Is the Tomorrow I was Taking about Yesterday.
Today marks the 50th annniversary of the NPCC.
Students say they like me better in uniform,
As a cadet in the past and in the present an Officer,
Adjutent to OC. Rifles & pistols being my favourite,
Never ending camps from then til now. Trained first aider,
and still a range officer. Have you seen a gun
someone asked me once. Trophies Ive won in competitions for
officers. Its been 2 years since the last. Time passes,
responsibilities changes, age catches up, been there done
that, now its time to pass on to the freshmen who joined.
No more camps in Ubin, no more sleeping in safari beds under
moonlight. No more muster parades, range duties, orienteering,
high elements nor hikes. Its time for me pass out with my 2nd
batch of cadets. That marks the end of 8 years as an officer.
The future will not see me as the woman in blue again.

Today

Rainy morning but responsibilities still continue
Missed my hero who was always in waiting for me
The day passed with the usual routines
Evening came and united I was with my hero
Nostalgic feel but only to last a couple of hours
Familiar faces, friends they were,sometime it has been
irony of all, Mexican it was, started with 7 and 2 added later
Had a night full of humour and laughter, memories of days together
You are troubled by something blurted the one opposite me
Brushed it away sighting work and lack of sleep as the culprit
Few glasses of margaritas, good it was to the bleeding heart
You're lying to me, I know you better, what is it,u can tel me
What am I to tell if I myself am pondering still, thanks to the
margaritas, this high feel is what I need. Kissed my hero goodbye
we shared many moments together and he holds many memories
Im off to my slumber, tempted to push the buttons but if a man
is into you, he'll know how to get you I was reminded. Today
is over, tomorrow shall come, nothing much of a change but
its still a new day!

I Wish One Day My Man Would Sing These Phrases

LOVE
By Backstreet Boys

Yeah, Oh, Oh Yeah yeah.

Once there was a time,
love was just a myth,
it just wasn't for real,
it didn't exist.
Until the day you came into my life,
it forced me to think twice.
I didn't have too much,
no I wasn't rich,
You made me believe someday,
I'd be more than this.
That's why until this day I'm still your man,
cause you made me understand...

{Chorus}
Love is,
kisses in a bean bag chair
the two of us with no one there
Love is,
the moment that I climb the stairs
to hold you in my arms after we made love.
Love is,
waking up to see your face,
or kissing in the morning rain.
The only thing that keeps me sane,
at the end of the day is that I've got you.

You're my secret place,
where I can be myself.
You connect with me,
like nobody else.
Even though our circumstances changed,
our love still remains.
Keep me on the ground,
still you help me fly,
You taught me to be patient,
I taught you to rely,
so no matter what tomorrow brings,
we got the simple things cause...

{Chorus}

Love is,
a Sunday morning with the blanket wrapped around your waist.
Love is,
the way your lips seems to curve when you say my name.
Love is,
and when I'm stressing like the world's turnin' upside down.
girl it all makes sense when you're around.

{Chorus} 2x

Who Would U Marry?

A couple of weeks ago I was asked this question by a friend. Would you marry the man who loves you or would you marry the man you love? Well it took me sometime to answer cos obviously my ans is gona be biased. She wanted an opinion as she was confused. She is dating this american who is currently working in singapore. Does love exist still? Im not sure about that but Ive given up on love cos most of the time even though its expressed by the other, somehow in the end it ends up one sided. Well it is nice as long as it lasts but after that all that stays is pain. How is it to be told by the man whom u hold so dear that ure no longer in his future plans?

Ive rejected many in my life, but this one, he's just impossible to be erased and I wonder why. Well there's nothing I can do as it looks like he's found himself another. My friend asks me, how do you bring urself to wish him well? My response to her, when u love a man anything is possible, u dont even have to think. Somehow along the way u stop fighting for the love u want and eventually settle for the love that wants you, if you dont get what u want then at least let the other who desires have u. Many come into your life, some leave footprints and there can only be one who is engraved for a lifetime. Life goes on, responsibilities continue, we meet new ones along the way, but you know your time has passed with the past......

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter"

Its been 3 Dayz

As we were walking out of school, my friend asked me "Did you this?" I was puzzled as to wat she was referring to until she pointed to the shattered glass shelter in the walkway. "Did you try throwing stones at GOD?"

Well this girl, my buddy, my colleague, my gym mate, my best friend, wasnt in school on Mon. Finally she had picked up the courage to do what I had suggested to her. She told him exactly how she feels abt him and he reciprocated! Wasnt it that easy? Wats the point of playing the guessing game? Well what could have happened? Either he accepts or he rejects, yeah its gona be sad but seriously wouldnt she be putting a stop to her miseries once and for all? Well im partly to be blamed for her current state. She didnt want to date this guy and get into this love mess, but I made a bet with her, $50 bucks for having the guts to go out with him, she did, she liked him and was in a confusion as to his thoughts. My ex tells me he regrets not coming back to me, apparently the only thing that stopped him was his ego at that time well then, wats the point of regretting after having kids? Men!

Past 2 days ive been on gate duty for visual checks. It was more for the recent hype but since I was there, I was pulling out pupils with improper attire, coloured hair,
shoes, socks, bag check etc. I bet I'm in the students' dart list already!

It has been 3 days since I spoke to anyone at home, noone bothered to make an attempt
either. Well Im hurt and Im going to let it be. I'd probably miss them and regret my actions once im alone down under but I like it this way, at least for now.

School is as busy as ever, im still waiting for the confirmation from the uni afterwhich Ive tons of admin to settle. Well, accomodation is more or less confirmed,I can sleep peacefully tnite! I just hope there is no change of mind from the other party. Im physically & mentally exhausted and Im absolutely in no mood for anything, friends, family, relationship, job. Nothing interests me anymore, sometimes I wish Im in a COMA and detached from the entire world. God take me away please. Grant me this wish at least :@