Simply Amazing

It was the National Day long weekend, concert was over and the 5 of us left for Nirwana Resort, Mayang Sari Villas. It was just simply awesome but I must say Bintan it very expensive too. I spent almost $450 for a day. We had a private pool, the bikini babes had a great time in the pool, peaceful SPA massage, scrub and mask, delicious seafood dinner and we ended the night with strawberry barcardi. I thought it was pretty short but it was truly enjoyable and I must say I got to know the girls a little better.

Was looking at some property, thinking of moving out and living on my own. Im eligible to buy my own place now, but the sad bit is that Im not eligible for the CPF fund or HDB Homeloan because of my payscale! And I cant buy an EC because Im single! What crap right? What do people like mw do then? Buy a private condo? But the prices are up the roof...geez....Looks like Im going to remian single, so I thought I might as well get my own place and move out, so the target is Dec/Jan, I shall start working on it from now.

This week has been reconnecting time with people from my past, some through SMS, and one over coffee. I havent heard from the one that truly matters, missing in action as usual. Must be busy with his babes, anyway I was never his priority, so I should know him better. Dint answer my call today, so I suppose he is with one of his gals. PS called today, I should say I was surprised, It been over a month. What was more surprising is that he passed the phone to his mother, not giving me any reaction time. His parents landed in Canada yesterday. Nice lady, sounds quite down to earth, spoke as if she has known me for ages, this is the first Ive spoken to her. I dont know how my tamil was though. PS asked if I thought of him over this month, I was honest with him, Ive lost it for him. Its over, It never started to begin with. Im beginning to think that relationships are a no no for me. Im fated to be alone I suppose. Let it be then. One colleage during our trip revealed that the impression she has of me is that I am wild. Maybe I am, but its my profession and my bringing up that is keeing me grounded. I am a rebel in my own skin. I love the way I am, and i know my friends and family love me the way I am, but will I find a man who will love me unconditionally? I should say, there are no such man, and I have given up hope certainly.

Heart Flutters

Heart flutters for one and only one;
The familair yet the not so familiar one;
Feelings that have stayed for the past years;
Sometimes you wonder why after all these years;
The heart wants but the mind has its fears;
Commitment doesnt seem to be his cup of tea;
Both happy in our current shoes;
The heart does seek for that familiar voice;
This is how life is going to be, distance apart and the annual meet.

My Dearest Uncle

You held me in your arms when I was a child, You guided me through life as I grew. My Kimono & pink panther I rememeber til today. Roasted turkey and presents under the Christmas tree we looked forward to as kids every year. I was looking forward to the day, together with my dad you will hold my hand and give me away. A gem who loved kids and never failed to have a platter on your table. Your eldest daughter is what you always say. A year has passed and I have vivid memories of today. Your last breath as we watched.......I Love You MAMA……

 

PS

Today's cookie fortune: "your first love has never forgotten you". Its funny cos he is already dead. Actually come to think of it, i dream of R during the week and was actually pondering why he came in my dreams. He hasnt appeared for the longest time. There are some answers here:
http://www.dream-interpretation.co.uk/meaning/meaning_of_dreams_about_daffodil.html
PS and I are talking again, not like before but this is the start. I broke the ice this time round. He claims that Ive hurt him, well the same with him. Im not gona sit here and allow him to degrade me. Im glad he realised the women in his country arent what he thinks they are. Im sure he is secretly liking every bit of it. There are certain values and beliefs that I feel strongly about, and im not gona change that for anyone. You can be THE MAN, but sorry Im a woman and I shall not tolerate MCPs. I must agree though that I miss him at times and I love arguing with him :D. As I type certian things I smile to myself. I despise men who do not respect women, I dislike men who think that women should tolerate anything from them regardless of however mean they treat them. Sorry but any self respecting woman will not tolerate such treatment. No men in my family or circle of friends treat their women this way, they believe in equalism and respect, decisions are made together, there is no such thing as 'Im the man and you listen to me'. Sorry but if you are gona be the mama fellow then Im definitely not the one for you. I'll love my man to the fullest, provide and be a pillar of support to him, but if you disrespect me and provoke me, then you'll meet the rebel in me, and PS I think you already have a taste of it. I like you, but Im not gona take shit from you. I despise your attitude and ego. You are a nice person but your attitude and ego is repulsive. And talk about personality, I dont know what to make out of yours yet. You could be putting me through a test and Im aware sometimes you say stuff on purpose. You are free to choose another :D If you want me in your life, you'll know where and how to find me........

Wandering Mind

As I lay in bed with my laptop my 2 adorable nephews are entertaining me with thier dance and song which sounds very tribal. For some reason they love coming into the room and being around me, they follow me like a trail when I return home and my room is like a playground for both of them. The small one is replying to every sound made by the bigger one, a musical is going on in my room, just that I cant comprehand what each is uttering!

School was good, conducted a talk for all the sec 2 girls on managing relationships and sex. A research in a wall street journal revealed that teenages with multiple failed relationships in their teens are more likely to have troubled relationship later in life. Maybe PS should relook into his past relationships because it is clearly affecting him currently. What he needs is some counselling. I belief how he was treated in his past relationships has a part to play in how he is treating women in the present. He absolutely has no sense of respect. Its shocking how he seeks for other women the moment we have an arguement. Wouldnt you try and make peace with the girl you are dating instead of seeking for someone else? How on earth does he expect someone to marry him if this is how he is going to react? He mentioned about Brenda, that he cared about her. I never said anything to him when he said he is helping her out with money, thats because I understood that he cared about her. Why doesnt he understand that my relationship V is also such? I care about V, he doesnt reciprocate of course, but this is how it is. We dont even communicate with each other but I do care about him. Thats just it, why is that so difficult for PS to grasp?

Went for Mexican with the girls and headed for the clubs on a Wed night. Its been ages since I did drinks after work on a week day. Decided to go for it when the girls asked me out. Had quite a number of glasses of Magarita. I wonder how I get home sometimes, of course the fear of dying on the roads is there all the time when I drive after drinks. Maybe secretely that is what I am wishing for. Thought of PS when I having the Mexican food. We have very similar taste in food and activities. Well he was romantic person, at least in the way he addressed me and when he dedicated songs to me. I cant deny that I did have many enjoyable moments with him, but he is just too full of himself and a total typical Indian at least in the way he thinks. Countless times he has asked if I would cook when we ge married. Seriously which wife wouldnt cook for her husband? His questions are seriously too chauvanistic for me to handle. Maybe he should ask V if I would make a good partner. Amazing how things start and end before you even have a chance to experience it in person. I am just appalled that he did not even try talking to me or try winning me back. Perhaps looking for someone else is easier for him. Men! I shall let it be. Dad asked me along to a wedding tomorrow. Told him thats the last place I want to be right now, dont feel like responding to nosy relatives who will probe with "when is your turn". Probably the next timesomeone asks me when is my turn, my reply would be "Im waiting for your husband to divorce you"...that should keep them away for some time at least :D

My new passion

These are my new trials....and my guinea pig....mua daddy :P. Vege Shepperds Pie (Pre & Post baked), Baked Portobello Mushroom with cheese (Pre & Post baked), Mojito, Biscuits with smoked salmon, persian feta sheep milk cheese, avacado and red chilli honey....more to come

Respect!

Today did not start out as a good one. My morning was spoilt by the comment I saw on FB. I dont get why some people would write personal comments on their timeline rather than send a personal mail. Why the need to let his friends know what is happening between us? There isnt any sense of privacy. And it puzzles me why only selective comments are left and the rest are deleted. After all that explanation all he could tel me was to choose between V, S and him! Where did that even come from? Didnt he undersatnd that S and I shared a very platonic relationship? Is having supper with someone who visited my country wrong? S was a real gentleman, we havent spoken since he left SG bcos I did not want to hurt him further. I was taken aback when he asked me to marry him. I apologisd to him if I had given him that thoughts. He said I am a nice person and he would like to marry me. He was willing to move to SG and work. Ive known him since mid 2008. We started off by bitching about shaadi.com. Our friendship was very platonic and he has always been telling me that he never wants to get married. I call him my terrorist, cos initially there were times he would just disappear from me abrubtly. He has never disrespected me. His last message to me "marry someone and start a family". His love for food and the hot weather brings him to singapore on a transit. A nice soul but I did not see hi that way. The relationship with V ended in a year but I have always cared about him and I was hanging on to him for a very long time. V has moved on, and so after a long time I let go of him and accepted PS into my life. There is something about him that did attract me even though he has disrespected me countless times. Noone has disrespected me as much as he has. Or should I say noone has ever disrespected me. I forgave him for the things he said to me and took him for wat he is. But what happened today got me thinking, "if you think ive decided on you, you are wrong", "have you kissed anyone since Dec?", How is a man able to disrespect you to his extent? A real MCP, I didnt like the way he asked me "are you tight there, how many partners did u have, how many did u sleep with?" These people will never utter such words to their own country women, bloody hypocrites! How is it possible to respect someone who disrespects you? Who mentally tortures you with the same questions over and over again, someone who doesnt trust you, doesnt respect your friendship with men, doesnt respect your mother, and your female friends? I think its a norm in the western culture he lives in to fantacise about someone else' mother! Wait til someone else does the same with the women in his family! People like him need to clear their bloody perverted heads before they start judging others. I should have known better, stupid me. How could I let someone disrespect me to this extent? He keep harping on the fact that he 'found out' something, WTF?!? What is there to find out when these people were just friends and are no longer in my life? I committed myself to this man for the past 3 months only to realise that there isnt any commitment from him. Im just 'another one' one in his list. Noone is asking for love or marriage but wouldnt you at least give your 100% to this person u r dating? I did and I am NOT going to feel guilty or take blame for his accusations! He can go and fuck himself fr all I care! I rather be single, at least I know the people around me respect me.

Its never ending is it????

Im on my bed, laptop om my pillow, tears rolling down and me thinking of my life not knowing if I should be laughing or crying....Today I was accused of bringing him for a ride. Its been sometime since I cried for a man or because of a man, Today I did for the mere fact that I was accused by the man I have begun to adore. Yes you know that V has been there for the longest time, I never thought I would like someone again. For some reason PS has captured my attention and my heart to a certain extent. He feels that its impossible to have feelings for someone you havent met before. He fails to understand that attraction is possible in whichever way. Isnt that how you build on something? Why am I being accused for something I did not do? I wish I had the luxury of being able to 'choose amongst a pool of men', haha if only I had that many options to start with. Well I have 1 whom I have been keeping as my priority but he has failed to see it. I think I have explained enough. Im just sad that he couldnt feel it all this while. I have always thought that I was only his option, cos i have seen different women commenting on his pictures. A man who is into you would find all opportunities to want to meet u, but he evades all questions on my holiday there. I told myself I will go with my full heart and give my 120%. I gave love a chance and I was true. I do like this man alot, but he has failed to understand me and I do not know how else to explain myself. God WHY are you doing this to me?????????? It is painful, to be doubted by the man you adore and accused for not being truthful when all my energy and attention was focused on that very man for the past months. I thought this is it, Ive found him and there he slips out of my hand as I watch. not knowing what to do. Im done with this love shit.....i think its just not meant to be. I lose one to death, another to I dunno what and this one to some silly doubt which doesnt even exist. Ohhh well, I was true to myself and him so I should not be sad. If its meant to be its meant to be! A man who adores you, will undersatnd your tru feelings for him. What is going to transpire from here? I dont know...he said 'bye'. What was that supposed to mean i really dont know. I can never be happy can I?

Awesome Week

The month was really busy with work but there were lots of other things going on. Meeting friends, making new ones, entertaining the kidos, telling off men, my new black hero and zumba, I just love zumba. Was involved in Zumbathon for charity as part of an annual festival yesterday. 2.5 hrs non stop, im so proud of myself. Visit by S was great too, a couple of supppers and off he went. What is happening with PS, I dont know, not sure if he is serious or just crapping around. Seems nice but he accused me of being stubbon. Ohh well, I cant help it. He seems nice but I have no idea where this is heading towards or even if its heading anywhere. He seems a little rough at times which does scare me a little. Lets see. What happened to V you may ask, well I dont know actually, havent heard from him. Must be too busy with his babes I suppose, let him be happy. I still dream of him sometimes, thats good for now. The 3 of them were awesome, this is the video clip of part of our zumbathon...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFQ_XwLgyQE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFQ_XwLgyQE&feature=related

the gal from Miami is in this video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1twCqA8DFZs&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=t7GDVjbpIr8&NR=1

looking forward to...

Ive booked my first getaway trip to Manila! Im definitely looking forward to it. Just went in, saw a promotion and booked it lol, havent done this for some time. Work doesnt seem to end, but i try to remain happy which is tough sometimes. Looking forward to the long chinese new year weekend as well. The start to the year of the dragon, how it is going to be is left to be seen.....love most of my classes. The demands on the results are there. it just gets very tiring. Have been dreaming of V, I hope he is alright. As usual he doesnt respond, screw it i cant be going after him if he cant have the courtesy to respond.Cant understand what he is trying to prove though, apart from the fact that he IS seeing someone. Not sure why i come across only jerks in my life. Sometimes its good not to know stuff, not sure if its a blessing or a curse that information keeps knocking at my door even when I dont go looking for it. DOnt know if PS is genuine. What can I expect from another Gemini. He calls me his pondanti, and dictates when he wants to marry me lol. All i had to say was i havent decided if he will be my husband hahah. S is doing a transit this weekend, its been years. Comes here just for the food. Some just dont get it when you say no, MD insists on meeting even though I refused, i didnt respond after that. Is anything coming out of any of these men, i dunt think so but the flirting works just fine right now. No commitment yeah!

First week of 2012

Hello, its been a week since I last wrote. The week was busy, but a great one. It was a 4 day work week, how nice would it be if only every week was the same :D. School was very busy, my time table seems to be packed. 7 classes this year, students seem alright this far, need to build some rapport with them. Im taking the weaker lot and the personal challenge is to get them to pass my subject for now. An abusive ADHD student, disinterested, weak and rebels I have in my classes to deal with this year. So its going to be an exciting one. Managed to keep them focused and calm this week, the many weeks to come are definitely going to be a challenge. Principal seems to be happy with my work and :"dont think about leaving, at least for a long time", is what she told me during our morning walkabouts. Hmmmm, do you think word may have gotten around that my plan is to leave service after 2 years? O level results will be out on Mon, I need to prepare the slides for my Principal and the briefing materials on what to do next for the students.

As Im writing, 'Hunk' is signing in. He has been trying to meet me for the longest time and every time I seem to be having some other plan. He was online yesterday at 3am, after his clubbing. Tells me he misses me and would be nice to hug! Told him he was drunk and needs to go to bed, and he signs off. Clowns! A physical trainer, has a nice bod thought, but sorry Im not interested. Was trying not to answer MD's call last week, a couple of smses after I answered. PS has disappeared after I told him off. He is cute and cheeky, kind of person I would consider But hell no with this one, cos its kind of obvious he is a player and he gave it away. So the comment about his girlfriend has shut him up. Good the last thing I need now is for his girlfriend to get in touch with me, Im too old for these squabbles now and I dont fight for men! And guss who contacts me, I was waiting to tell this guy off and he buzzed me in singaporelovelinks! I had to ensure it was him, so gave him my email as requested. I guess he recalled who I was. Lets see if he replies, if he does then too bad for him lol.

I think of V everyday, I realised in the manthram I am to say for 48 days, his name is in there too!, 'Raghava',the movie I watched yesterday, "Raghavan" was the name of the villain, "veera" is the name of the boyfriend in one of my favourite dramas! I want him in my world but obviously he has erased me from his. Sometimes I wake up feeling Ive had a conversation with him in my dreams, it feels very real. I havent spoke to him in a week, in fact the last I spoke was the day I left Sydney. Even on new years day, he replied to my old number when I smsed from my new one. Maybe he wanted me off from his list altogether. I always pray that he should be happy. I guess he does not want be as a part of his happy life. I guess i came into his life for a reason, to be there for him during his lowest times. Now that its over, me in his life is over too. I was a little upset when he did not make an effort to spend time with me when I was there. When he was here, I forgo my 2 days pay just to be with him, to ensure he was alright, took care of all his expenses as well. Picked him up even though I did not have a car. He didnt even offer to pick me up. You see thats the difference between him and me. He could have taken days off and brought me to some place but he didnt and Im sure it was because of some girl. I have always been his choice but never a priority, so I told myself I'll never talk to him until Im his priority. If he wants me in his life, he;ll know where to find me......

Hello 2012

Hello, hello, hello! Had agreat countdoen, got home at 5am, slept and up at 10ish, shower, pray, brekkie and some baileys time with family. I do all the time, have drinks with my family so that they dont get a rude shock with my drinking habits lol, but Im a cool drinker you know. Had beer with my beer kaki, Ragu during dinner 2 days back. 12 of us, delicious Italian. Thats our annual end of year dinner. The show at Mediacorp was great! Sat don to do some work, have less than 2 days to complete! I have t complete this year! Am looking forward to a great year ahead :P

Meet ya again!