If I Get To Meet You GOD

Its already May isnt it, fast eh? The day started out fine, got up earlier than usual had breakfast and started on the tones of work I had for the weekend. Then it had to happen, a huge quarrel between my mom & I. For the past years our conversations only lasted abt 5 mins max. I wonder why. Ive heard women & men who cant live without their mother, yearn to have their head on their mother's lap or miss her cooking so much. Why is it that I never yearn for those? Why is it that the distance between us seems to have reached infinity? I dont share with her my sorrows nor my joys, I dont spend time with her anymore, when I try it usually ends up in a fight. Is that why i am leaving? Am I begining to become a loner? Ive lost my bubbly self. WHY? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Has my job taken a toll on me, or is it my childhood and the memories of it? I know my mother loves me but I also know that my mother & I will never share that bond that most mothers do with their daughters. I dont usually discuss my sorrows with anyone cos I tell myself this is just a phase im gng through. Sometimes i think im crazy, i dunno why im even packing my bags, not that I have anything on the other side awaiting me. I dont even have a place to stay yet! Ha! I used to have a diary which used to listen and give me the strength to move on, but that too has gone in search of a new life. Life isnt it, when things get going for them, some tend to get selfish. Friends say Im very forgiving, well hasnt Baba asked to Love All & Serve All? Yeah God may decide who walks into our lives, but who am I to decide who stays and who leaves? Am I not being judgemental then? During an experiment, you dont extend a linear graph assuming it is gona be linear after that point, what if the graph happens to be a curve in the next stage of the experiment? Well everyone deserves a chance to make U turns and I am noone to deprive them of that! If you think Im a threat to your happiness & your future then be it. If i ever get to meet you GOD, pls have an answer to WHY you have never stopped the tears in my eyes and let me have happiness in my life since I was a child!

Closures.........

YLDP saw its closure last Thursday. Brian, Shaiful, Sim, Saras & I were the pioneers driving YLDP the past 6 yrs. We have seen YLDP grow from a student membership of 26 to 200. Kahirul from the pioneer batch of students started off with a speech. It was just a co-incidence that he is currently with us as a relief teacher. Certificate presentation followed his speech and a video presentation that brought back memories. This leadership program is something very close to the 5 of us. Trainings, camps and several school events the past 6 yrs were run by us. A platform that gave me opportunities, won be awards, let me experience a feel of being part of a Guinness World Record set by the school & groomed me as a leader. A program that gave our pupils opportunities to shine, pushed their limits & groomed them to be youth leaders. It was a sad moment for the 5 of us and soon we were in for a surprise. We were each presented with a certificate from the senior student leaders and asked to cut a cake on stage, witnessed by 1300 pupils. I was moved by the gesture, the whistles, their cheers and the words in the cert.

The event following that was VP’s farewell. He had no clue of what was coming up as he stood there watching us blow the candles on stage. VP was my reporting officer, my mentor, my friend and my godfather as I always refered to him. I could always count on him for an honest opinion on anything. He would then ask me “Do you want me to give an opinion as your reporting officer or as a friend? My answer would always be “Both.” He was head hunted by Minister Teo CH to join another Ministry in Policy Making. A Scholar, Gentleman, Leader, Mentor & true Friend. I am extremely gifted to have worked with him the past 2.5 years. With VP’s departure, in 2 months, my teaching career comes to a closure too. In 8 years I have initiated and spearheaded many projects in the school. I am truly gifted to have worked with several amazing leaders who have groomed me to what I am today.

Even though I have many closures in my life and many other doors of opportunities opening, my life is still incomplete without the 2 main ones. One dead, the other alive but both still haunting me in my dreams…….I don’t have the guts to face one and the other hasn’t picked up the courage to face me yet