If I Get To Meet You GOD

Its already May isnt it, fast eh? The day started out fine, got up earlier than usual had breakfast and started on the tones of work I had for the weekend. Then it had to happen, a huge quarrel between my mom & I. For the past years our conversations only lasted abt 5 mins max. I wonder why. Ive heard women & men who cant live without their mother, yearn to have their head on their mother's lap or miss her cooking so much. Why is it that I never yearn for those? Why is it that the distance between us seems to have reached infinity? I dont share with her my sorrows nor my joys, I dont spend time with her anymore, when I try it usually ends up in a fight. Is that why i am leaving? Am I begining to become a loner? Ive lost my bubbly self. WHY? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Has my job taken a toll on me, or is it my childhood and the memories of it? I know my mother loves me but I also know that my mother & I will never share that bond that most mothers do with their daughters. I dont usually discuss my sorrows with anyone cos I tell myself this is just a phase im gng through. Sometimes i think im crazy, i dunno why im even packing my bags, not that I have anything on the other side awaiting me. I dont even have a place to stay yet! Ha! I used to have a diary which used to listen and give me the strength to move on, but that too has gone in search of a new life. Life isnt it, when things get going for them, some tend to get selfish. Friends say Im very forgiving, well hasnt Baba asked to Love All & Serve All? Yeah God may decide who walks into our lives, but who am I to decide who stays and who leaves? Am I not being judgemental then? During an experiment, you dont extend a linear graph assuming it is gona be linear after that point, what if the graph happens to be a curve in the next stage of the experiment? Well everyone deserves a chance to make U turns and I am noone to deprive them of that! If you think Im a threat to your happiness & your future then be it. If i ever get to meet you GOD, pls have an answer to WHY you have never stopped the tears in my eyes and let me have happiness in my life since I was a child!