Sunday, May 31, 2009
Its Sunday again
Every Monday I look forward to the weekend, the weekend comes and ends with the wink of an eye. With about 5 weeks left, tons of work to do, tickets to buy and accomodation to settle, Im just going mad! Uni Services requires me to pay $60 for their services. My cousin isn't going to be home when I arrive, got to find an alternative place until she ends work. I never got anything easily in my life, so Im not even surprised this is even happening! Dont feel bad for me :)
Hope im able to find PT job to finance myself. Im glad I didnt have to trouble my dad, had to let go of my hero. No more luxuries, massages, mani, padi expensive restaurants etc. Back to student life, but I refuse to stay with students, probably another professional, not alone either,i'd probably not have a wink of sleep for days. In your 30s sometimes you want your private space. I go into silence alot nowadays, so its better to stay alone or with 1 other person. Getting to Uni from Whyndham Vale is going to be a challenge, was told there isnt any public transport there. GREAT! Hope to get a place before uni starts on 27th July!
Its finally starting to sink in that im going to be away for a long time fom my loved ones. I have many here whom Im going to miss like crazy, sometimes I ask myself what I have gotten myself into. What was I even thinking?!? Lata, my childhood friend got into Uni of Manchester and leaving in Sept. The irony of it all, she was trying to convince me to go to Oz initially and I was adament on going to the UK! I managed to change her mind to go to the UK and convinced her with Uni of Manchester just to realise later that Manchester didnt offer Education and it was supposed to be Uni of Edinburgh, I got it wrong, but she didnt have Human Resource in Edinburgh, Erghhhhh!!! She was trying to convince me with Manchester, mails went back and forth, got my referees, then got busy with work, we got the dates for the UK Uni exhibition wrong and by then Monash had offered. Figured I'll go with the flow as I was too tired by then. Will be UK if Melb Uni doesnt offer. So here we are, im making my plans to Oz and she to UK. Her dad is in France so it makes more sense for her, mine wasnt too keen on me going to the UK....
I was intending to apply for no pay leave. Things took a turn and Ive tendered my resignation instead. As for my PR application, this is my 3rd agent! After so many emails since March to this agent, I dont have the confidence to let him handle my case anymore, so Im going to do it myself once Im there! That is hanging as well, gets me thinking sometimes, why is all these happening, so Ive stopped planning....whenever I plan the guy up there has somthing else in store for me! Ive invited him to have tea with me so many times, but he refuses to accept my invitation, he probably thought i'd have too much to ask and is avoiding me! Im talking about GOD by the way :)
Im more upset and extremely sad than anything. Beats me why he cant even say a personal 'thank u', well im not talking about GOD this time. Is it that difficult? Isnt that basic courtesy? How dumb can someone be to even think that thanking someone in a blog and sending an email with a personal note is the SAME!?! He talks about a certain eye all the time, probably his special someone, poems of love and special moments with that someone are described vividly and often breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Its difficult but I have a choice not to read, heeee. Sometimes I wonder if it is so difficult for a man to realise that a girl is so in love with him and wants him in her life so much. I dont understand him when he says its a fresh start and he isnt ready to give his number, pathetic excuses for having no guts I take it. Even a place to stay, where did that come from? Well, some say that its easier to tell a lie than the truth. It is said that your life comes to an end when you are silent about the things that matter. Im silent nowadays, I yearn, feel pain, cry, recall the past and try to hate....nothing seems to be working....I dunno what to do....so ive decide to live with him in my fantacy world....i know he will belong to someone else one day....then maybe I'll let go.....You're probably going "How Stupid, just let go and go on. There are so many fishes in the sea" Trust me, i hate myself so much sometimes that I wanted never to wake up from my sleep. Why am I longing for someone who doesnt care to find out about me, doesnt bother replying to my emails, shuts me from his life and wants a new someone in his life....I cant hate him so I hate myself.....maybe I should have a lifesize mannequin of him and throw darts at it, but knowing me, i'd probably start talking to it, kiss and hug it! Ha! Sorry Im a rebel, I dont listen to anyone nor conform to anything against my wishes, I fight when it matters and go silent when I no more matter!
Hope im able to find PT job to finance myself. Im glad I didnt have to trouble my dad, had to let go of my hero. No more luxuries, massages, mani, padi expensive restaurants etc. Back to student life, but I refuse to stay with students, probably another professional, not alone either,i'd probably not have a wink of sleep for days. In your 30s sometimes you want your private space. I go into silence alot nowadays, so its better to stay alone or with 1 other person. Getting to Uni from Whyndham Vale is going to be a challenge, was told there isnt any public transport there. GREAT! Hope to get a place before uni starts on 27th July!
Its finally starting to sink in that im going to be away for a long time fom my loved ones. I have many here whom Im going to miss like crazy, sometimes I ask myself what I have gotten myself into. What was I even thinking?!? Lata, my childhood friend got into Uni of Manchester and leaving in Sept. The irony of it all, she was trying to convince me to go to Oz initially and I was adament on going to the UK! I managed to change her mind to go to the UK and convinced her with Uni of Manchester just to realise later that Manchester didnt offer Education and it was supposed to be Uni of Edinburgh, I got it wrong, but she didnt have Human Resource in Edinburgh, Erghhhhh!!! She was trying to convince me with Manchester, mails went back and forth, got my referees, then got busy with work, we got the dates for the UK Uni exhibition wrong and by then Monash had offered. Figured I'll go with the flow as I was too tired by then. Will be UK if Melb Uni doesnt offer. So here we are, im making my plans to Oz and she to UK. Her dad is in France so it makes more sense for her, mine wasnt too keen on me going to the UK....
I was intending to apply for no pay leave. Things took a turn and Ive tendered my resignation instead. As for my PR application, this is my 3rd agent! After so many emails since March to this agent, I dont have the confidence to let him handle my case anymore, so Im going to do it myself once Im there! That is hanging as well, gets me thinking sometimes, why is all these happening, so Ive stopped planning....whenever I plan the guy up there has somthing else in store for me! Ive invited him to have tea with me so many times, but he refuses to accept my invitation, he probably thought i'd have too much to ask and is avoiding me! Im talking about GOD by the way :)
Im more upset and extremely sad than anything. Beats me why he cant even say a personal 'thank u', well im not talking about GOD this time. Is it that difficult? Isnt that basic courtesy? How dumb can someone be to even think that thanking someone in a blog and sending an email with a personal note is the SAME!?! He talks about a certain eye all the time, probably his special someone, poems of love and special moments with that someone are described vividly and often breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Its difficult but I have a choice not to read, heeee. Sometimes I wonder if it is so difficult for a man to realise that a girl is so in love with him and wants him in her life so much. I dont understand him when he says its a fresh start and he isnt ready to give his number, pathetic excuses for having no guts I take it. Even a place to stay, where did that come from? Well, some say that its easier to tell a lie than the truth. It is said that your life comes to an end when you are silent about the things that matter. Im silent nowadays, I yearn, feel pain, cry, recall the past and try to hate....nothing seems to be working....I dunno what to do....so ive decide to live with him in my fantacy world....i know he will belong to someone else one day....then maybe I'll let go.....You're probably going "How Stupid, just let go and go on. There are so many fishes in the sea" Trust me, i hate myself so much sometimes that I wanted never to wake up from my sleep. Why am I longing for someone who doesnt care to find out about me, doesnt bother replying to my emails, shuts me from his life and wants a new someone in his life....I cant hate him so I hate myself.....maybe I should have a lifesize mannequin of him and throw darts at it, but knowing me, i'd probably start talking to it, kiss and hug it! Ha! Sorry Im a rebel, I dont listen to anyone nor conform to anything against my wishes, I fight when it matters and go silent when I no more matter!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Do U Get Wetter Running In The Rain?
During one of those wondering moments, my mind wandered off in inquiry. Whenever it rains, some people run towards the nearest shelter and there are many others who would continue walking towards their destination. It is one of those moments that got me thinking if running or walking in the rain would actually make a difference to the amount of wetness (mass of water on an object).
Like in any other experiment, one makes a hypothesis, sets the constants and determines the variable. Wetness refers to the mass of rain on an object. In this case the constants should be the surface area of the object (your body), the amount of rainfall (assuming the the mass of rain falling per area is the same), time spent in the rain (distance traveled by a body/speed of body), relative rain velocity (velocity of the rain - velocity of the body), angle at which the rain hits the object, density of rain. The variable would be the speed of the object.
Well we have to bear in mind that alot of assumptions are made in this case (surface are of body cant be constant throughout and the speed of the various body parts differ as well).
So the verdict then? I would think it is more as when you run, assuming that the rain is from the back, your back happens to slouch and there is more surface area that captures the rain for the same amount of time as when a person is walking, bcos we have kept time as a constant factor in this case.....maybe I should do an experiment in our turf, as we have powered water jets to water the turf...hmmm good idea!
Like in any other experiment, one makes a hypothesis, sets the constants and determines the variable. Wetness refers to the mass of rain on an object. In this case the constants should be the surface area of the object (your body), the amount of rainfall (assuming the the mass of rain falling per area is the same), time spent in the rain (distance traveled by a body/speed of body), relative rain velocity (velocity of the rain - velocity of the body), angle at which the rain hits the object, density of rain. The variable would be the speed of the object.
Well we have to bear in mind that alot of assumptions are made in this case (surface are of body cant be constant throughout and the speed of the various body parts differ as well).
So the verdict then? I would think it is more as when you run, assuming that the rain is from the back, your back happens to slouch and there is more surface area that captures the rain for the same amount of time as when a person is walking, bcos we have kept time as a constant factor in this case.....maybe I should do an experiment in our turf, as we have powered water jets to water the turf...hmmm good idea!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Nice To Know
Is nice to know that people do look for me when I go missing, got a call from Mahesh in the morning tday. He was on leave and wanted to lunch with me and catch up...miss him....Sameer was online as well...my friend from the US, was in s'pore over the weekend and now in Jakarta, has promised to meet up with me next week, told him i dun even rem his name & only got his real name today! Im just hopeless! Das said he wld be in melb around the 25th for a conference and would drop in to see me, Sharm will be Melb at th same time as well, he didnt believe me when i said i was single! Is that so difficult to belief? I wonder? Will be gng skiing with him. Its nice to know that some friends still care about you and come looking for you when you go missing.....and there are others who .....its alright...i shall not go there....Thank U ma friends! U must be wondering why all the names are of males, well like ive said before, for me ive found true friendship in my male friends, i dunt have that many female friends to start with...the ones who care about me are still in my heart the rest know where they stand & will be gone with my departure.......
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Do You Know
Too many sleepless nights, the ceiling at most times is a witness to my gaze
Memories of us in each others' arms, your first touch and kiss in the east,
Mails from your gals ive read over and over, memories of your lies and deceit ive run through in my head forever, non seem to seep through to erase memories so dear
What do I do and how long more I know not, no light at the end of the tunnel
It knows of your ignorance and yet it seeks for you, no words has let to its stop
What do I tell, that you want it no more? That you want to seek elsewhere, that you find happiness in someone else's arms? That you care too less of its existance?
It listens not to any, it has its own beat and synchs with the mind no more
Have you never wondered how I am or what im doing? Am I not in your friends lise, have you not thought of me a sec? Can you hear my plead with GOD, do you feel the vibration of my voice calling out for you, can you feel the hotness of my tears? Do you know that I want you back in my life so much, do you know that you're the only one I'll love and want to be with till eternity? Tell me what to tell cos Ive no words to describe my pain no more, my voice you wunt hear either, it hurts to know that you find happiness in keeping me away, If for the digits you think so much, your actions speaks louder than your words....why can I ask you do this to me? I would like to rip it apart and walk with it in my hands....than maybe it will realise you seek for it no more!
Memories of us in each others' arms, your first touch and kiss in the east,
Mails from your gals ive read over and over, memories of your lies and deceit ive run through in my head forever, non seem to seep through to erase memories so dear
What do I do and how long more I know not, no light at the end of the tunnel
It knows of your ignorance and yet it seeks for you, no words has let to its stop
What do I tell, that you want it no more? That you want to seek elsewhere, that you find happiness in someone else's arms? That you care too less of its existance?
It listens not to any, it has its own beat and synchs with the mind no more
Have you never wondered how I am or what im doing? Am I not in your friends lise, have you not thought of me a sec? Can you hear my plead with GOD, do you feel the vibration of my voice calling out for you, can you feel the hotness of my tears? Do you know that I want you back in my life so much, do you know that you're the only one I'll love and want to be with till eternity? Tell me what to tell cos Ive no words to describe my pain no more, my voice you wunt hear either, it hurts to know that you find happiness in keeping me away, If for the digits you think so much, your actions speaks louder than your words....why can I ask you do this to me? I would like to rip it apart and walk with it in my hands....than maybe it will realise you seek for it no more!
Food of Love
Slept alone in that huge bed last night, mom, aunt, my little rascal and my maid had gone to my Periamma's place to stay over. "Settle daddy's meals tomorrow". mom had instructed me before she had gone, asked me if I wanted to go as well, passed the offer. I didnt have someone to hug and sleep last night but at least I had space and didnt have to worry about falling off the bed on one turn!
Dad had taken his breakfast by the time I was up, well he gets up around 6ish every morning, does his prayers for an hour, thanks to him, family is well. Went to a turkish place last night, dinner was good, so decided to try out something similar, but dad is vegetarain, so anything I do has to be vegetarian as well. Went through the fridge...hmmm.....decided to cook up some pita filling to be eaten with pita bread. Potatoes, brinjal, tomatoes, capsicum, mock mutton some spices and walla it was done...dad was happy when he entered the kitchen and saw me cooking, must have been thinking "great im gona get something different today", he knows I normally try out new dishes and he's usually my guinea pig! Pita bread, spread some yogurt as i didnt have sour cream, some lettuce, filling, roll, cut into half on a plate and dad'd lunch was served to him at 1130am!
Smsed ma bro, "Come try my pita", my sis in law and him decided to forgo their lunch date and come try my food....i had compliments.....i was smiling from ear to ear....its nice to see people eat and be happy. Dad says i take after my grandpa (his dad), I havent seen him before, but apparently he used to house and feed immigrants from india who had come to s'pore in search of work....my thoughts went out to my baby boy....wonder what he had for lunch today...hmmm..just hope its not maggie...i decided to have a cone of ice cream, a habit I developed with Lesh on sundays....we would grab a cone each and watch tv....today he isnt around, as I was scooping I was smiling to myself....I remembered how my baby boy used to eat his ice cream....in a huge bowl and I wouldnt trade watching that satisfaction, that gleam on his face afterwards...
Need to do some online payments, with my hero gone i thought my expenses would decrease, doesnt seem like it, $450 for visa, $150 for medical, %1000 for tics,$300 for courier.....and not mentioning my credit cards bills....may burnt a hole in my pocket....birthday presents, treats, mothers' day...i'll have to watch my budget.....better keep track....went shopping last saturday, since i was in town.....didnt have time to go to the post office on monday, so got a friend to help me do a registered post....just to ensure its receipt, but I hope someone is home.....my packing is killing me....i havent sent over my stuff yet....got to do it by end of this week at least.....have dinner with amma tonight....her long over due mothers' day dinner.....Need to spend some time with amma before I leave as well, she was the one who took care of my since I was a baby, til I was about 12 yrs old. This is my other family....so when its mothers' day, I have 3 of them in my list, the other is my aunt who lives with us since my younger days....not to mention that her bday and my mom's bday is in May as well......bought my mom a card and gave it to her last sunday, she cried after reading it....told her that I love her even though I seem very distant from the family for the past few years...mom had vouched not to waste the next month by picking an arguemnt with me...lets c....
Dad had taken his breakfast by the time I was up, well he gets up around 6ish every morning, does his prayers for an hour, thanks to him, family is well. Went to a turkish place last night, dinner was good, so decided to try out something similar, but dad is vegetarain, so anything I do has to be vegetarian as well. Went through the fridge...hmmm.....decided to cook up some pita filling to be eaten with pita bread. Potatoes, brinjal, tomatoes, capsicum, mock mutton some spices and walla it was done...dad was happy when he entered the kitchen and saw me cooking, must have been thinking "great im gona get something different today", he knows I normally try out new dishes and he's usually my guinea pig! Pita bread, spread some yogurt as i didnt have sour cream, some lettuce, filling, roll, cut into half on a plate and dad'd lunch was served to him at 1130am!
Smsed ma bro, "Come try my pita", my sis in law and him decided to forgo their lunch date and come try my food....i had compliments.....i was smiling from ear to ear....its nice to see people eat and be happy. Dad says i take after my grandpa (his dad), I havent seen him before, but apparently he used to house and feed immigrants from india who had come to s'pore in search of work....my thoughts went out to my baby boy....wonder what he had for lunch today...hmmm..just hope its not maggie...i decided to have a cone of ice cream, a habit I developed with Lesh on sundays....we would grab a cone each and watch tv....today he isnt around, as I was scooping I was smiling to myself....I remembered how my baby boy used to eat his ice cream....in a huge bowl and I wouldnt trade watching that satisfaction, that gleam on his face afterwards...
Need to do some online payments, with my hero gone i thought my expenses would decrease, doesnt seem like it, $450 for visa, $150 for medical, %1000 for tics,$300 for courier.....and not mentioning my credit cards bills....may burnt a hole in my pocket....birthday presents, treats, mothers' day...i'll have to watch my budget.....better keep track....went shopping last saturday, since i was in town.....didnt have time to go to the post office on monday, so got a friend to help me do a registered post....just to ensure its receipt, but I hope someone is home.....my packing is killing me....i havent sent over my stuff yet....got to do it by end of this week at least.....have dinner with amma tonight....her long over due mothers' day dinner.....Need to spend some time with amma before I leave as well, she was the one who took care of my since I was a baby, til I was about 12 yrs old. This is my other family....so when its mothers' day, I have 3 of them in my list, the other is my aunt who lives with us since my younger days....not to mention that her bday and my mom's bday is in May as well......bought my mom a card and gave it to her last sunday, she cried after reading it....told her that I love her even though I seem very distant from the family for the past few years...mom had vouched not to waste the next month by picking an arguemnt with me...lets c....
Dear GOD.......
Did some packing and realised I had too many things to bring over. Pondered for some time, vacuum packed all my clothes, still have more to go, was clearing the cupboard and came across a box containing letters and cards from the last time I was in Melbourne. Henty Court & Crampton Cresent both in Mill Park & Haines St in North Melbourne, going through the cards and mails gave me a very nostalgic feel, nothing beats receiveing something through snail mail as compared to email. Some from the list still remail, some long gona and lost from touch. Then I stumbled upon the rosary, the stalk of orchid, tummy trimmer and the hair straightener...brought back the good memories in Melbourne a yr back. I remember him saying "Im in the giving mood, so u better grab watever u want", damn I was so stupid.... Shopping with him was fun....even when we were in Malacca, i enjoyed every bit of dressing him up and making sure he looked good when he left home.....he used to ask me to choose his clothes for him......i used to irritate him so much & loved to see him get irritated and annoyed with me, then I would smile on the inside while he walked around with the constipated look of his! my adorable baby.....yeah he was like my big baby...is still..more in my heart.....and who can forget his picnic bag....it was a joy seeing him eat, like baby krishna eating Neiyi but of course being men they would enjoy thier mommy's cooking the best.
Its been a yr, but it seems very real still, he is very much in every vein of mine, so fresh in my memory. Went for a play today and in the cast list, his name was the first....so many things reminded me of him today and I just drifted back to the first time I met him in the airport....memories....
Jeevan called, enquired about me missing in action and wanting to spend time before I left, he is my irritating adorable nanban....very nice boy....received a call from Yayshree, she seems to be doing alright, jobfront still slow she said....asked her if she can help me look for a place to stay....her landlady doesnt let her sublet, said she'll be in the lookout but no promises......student services gives free airport tranfer ONLY in the city! Gosh What do I do......well I'll leave all as it is till mid June maybe, then I'll make the necessary changes.........its nice to hear from people who care about you....but there are some calls you wish would come one day......
GOD? hello U there? Listen, I cant take this anymore, u either erase my memory or give me back my baby boy cos this is damn bloody painful...literally....or maybe its chest pain or mild heart attack that im experiencing hehe ;)
Its been a yr, but it seems very real still, he is very much in every vein of mine, so fresh in my memory. Went for a play today and in the cast list, his name was the first....so many things reminded me of him today and I just drifted back to the first time I met him in the airport....memories....
Jeevan called, enquired about me missing in action and wanting to spend time before I left, he is my irritating adorable nanban....very nice boy....received a call from Yayshree, she seems to be doing alright, jobfront still slow she said....asked her if she can help me look for a place to stay....her landlady doesnt let her sublet, said she'll be in the lookout but no promises......student services gives free airport tranfer ONLY in the city! Gosh What do I do......well I'll leave all as it is till mid June maybe, then I'll make the necessary changes.........its nice to hear from people who care about you....but there are some calls you wish would come one day......
GOD? hello U there? Listen, I cant take this anymore, u either erase my memory or give me back my baby boy cos this is damn bloody painful...literally....or maybe its chest pain or mild heart attack that im experiencing hehe ;)
Friday, May 22, 2009
He's Not That Into U
Watched that movie and have received emails on signs & symptoms to see if a man is into you, sometimes you identify with the signs & symptoms and sometimes it just confuses you even more. He loves me, he loves me not....he wants me....he wants me not......is this abt her, to her or its to me....
Who is it that you love so much that has walked away. Your intended parties may be many. Nowhere near you is what you wanted and has been granted, The Yes never left from within, its living in dreams that one day it will be swept by that very knight in shining armour (or a pirate, a rose by any other name is still a rose isnt it), Does love still exist in you, sometimes ignorance seems to be the bliss. If you love a woman, show her that you do, go for her and im sure she loves and wants you just as you do, or maybe even more.
The one in waiting may not be the one in your thinking, sometimes words unspoken may be left unspoken....
Paakatha Enna Paakatha Kothum - Aaru
Who is it that you love so much that has walked away. Your intended parties may be many. Nowhere near you is what you wanted and has been granted, The Yes never left from within, its living in dreams that one day it will be swept by that very knight in shining armour (or a pirate, a rose by any other name is still a rose isnt it), Does love still exist in you, sometimes ignorance seems to be the bliss. If you love a woman, show her that you do, go for her and im sure she loves and wants you just as you do, or maybe even more.
The one in waiting may not be the one in your thinking, sometimes words unspoken may be left unspoken....
Paakatha Enna Paakatha Kothum - Aaru
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Today didnt start very well, maybe my mind in pre occupied with the loads of things thats in my to do list, D called yesterday, apparently he was expecting my call on sunday, the day after our date, told him I was busy. Truth is I didnt feel like talking to him, have nothing to say, m not interested in anything nor anyone, Im gona disappear from everyone's life here & downunder. "What are u thinking", have been questioned repeatedly by my close friend lately, i just shake my head & continue. Ive been spending alot of time just with her, gym, lunch, dinner, movies etc, I dunno what Im gona do without her down under. Sometimes relatives and people whom ure close to play you out, its just good to stay away from everyone, at least you dont impose on them in any way.
The staff trip to JB has been canceled, Im not sure what is gona happen to my diving trip. We are planning one in June, have to gt my open water diving license this time. Lets see what happens. Shall discuss with Brian....I shall be back in the afternoon...
The staff trip to JB has been canceled, Im not sure what is gona happen to my diving trip. We are planning one in June, have to gt my open water diving license this time. Lets see what happens. Shall discuss with Brian....I shall be back in the afternoon...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Marking Dramas!
I would have wacked my students' heads if they were beside mei swear! Their ans are irritatingly funny
Q: Why does a dog stick its tongue out on a hot day?
A: To tell us that its thirsty!
Q: State 1 alteration the gardener could do to the wheelbarrow so that lifting the handle would be easier.
A: Put 2 jet rocket engines at the handle!
Q: Why does a dog stick its tongue out on a hot day?
A: To tell us that its thirsty!
Q: State 1 alteration the gardener could do to the wheelbarrow so that lifting the handle would be easier.
A: Put 2 jet rocket engines at the handle!
Ponderings.....
Head is filled with to do things, briefed my colleague who is taking over all my classes, judging from her face, i think she's gona be on another 6 months child care leave, considering she just returned from one, marking is still on the way, moderation of marks tomorrow, visa done, medical still in the list, PR agent has gone missing, have to hook him & get started on that!Packing items all on my bed, sleeping in the next room for now, need to send my stuff over through post, 6 weeks to reach, currency is going up, investments getting better, accomodation seems to be on the streets for now, "dont worry you'll have a place in June", i was told, owner claims to have asked the existing people to move out, but I doubt there was even an attempt, so much for trusting someone for a simple thing like a roof over the head! Nvm, i'll bring my tent along if need be, that has never failed me as humans do.
Ive my successor shadowing me from now, seems overwhelmed by the responsibilities, have work review with my Principal, meeting my cousin at 1pm, an appt with Mr Nicotine, has been along time, waiting for her to move into her new condo, friends I havent seen for some time, so many things to do, so little time,resignation letter has to be in, need to contact my VP for a testimonial, he has promised to give me a good one, thank u sir! Knew I can count on u! Speech day will be my last school event, BBQ with the 'At-Risk' group will be the last gathering in school on the day of my departure....sadness in my heart, pondering how its easy for some to just move on and accept another into one's circle, what is it in another u find peace and happiness that u lack in one...ive given up seeking for answers...Rebels live for the day!
Ive my successor shadowing me from now, seems overwhelmed by the responsibilities, have work review with my Principal, meeting my cousin at 1pm, an appt with Mr Nicotine, has been along time, waiting for her to move into her new condo, friends I havent seen for some time, so many things to do, so little time,resignation letter has to be in, need to contact my VP for a testimonial, he has promised to give me a good one, thank u sir! Knew I can count on u! Speech day will be my last school event, BBQ with the 'At-Risk' group will be the last gathering in school on the day of my departure....sadness in my heart, pondering how its easy for some to just move on and accept another into one's circle, what is it in another u find peace and happiness that u lack in one...ive given up seeking for answers...Rebels live for the day!
Breakfast Table
We met for breakfast, our discussion topic: alcohol
Had wheezing after consuming alcohol and mango said my colleague
My husband asked why we should chill wine, blurted another
Alcohol should not be taken with fruits like mango and durians
there is a chemical reaction that occurs between the fruits and alcohol
what is the exact reaction is my weekend homework for now
Alcohol when kept in the open, reacts with oxygen and becomes sour,
oxidation we call it.....what do you expect when 3 chemistry, a physics
& an english teacher get together...
Had wheezing after consuming alcohol and mango said my colleague
My husband asked why we should chill wine, blurted another
Alcohol should not be taken with fruits like mango and durians
there is a chemical reaction that occurs between the fruits and alcohol
what is the exact reaction is my weekend homework for now
Alcohol when kept in the open, reacts with oxygen and becomes sour,
oxidation we call it.....what do you expect when 3 chemistry, a physics
& an english teacher get together...
Monday, May 18, 2009
If Moving On Was That Ez
He has been asking me out for sometime but Ive been putting it off. D calls me on Sat to remind me that I promised to be out with him that night. Felt like banging my head, well at least I owe him that much. Didnt want it to be a date, so I asked my cousin along, she knew him anyway. An hour before the scheduled meeting my cousin backs out. He wasnt someone new to me, he's the same one who told my brother he would marry me if I was still single a couple of years down the road. He had bought the tics for Angels & Demons, my kind of movie. I totally enjoyed the movie, like how I enjoyed the DaVinci Code as well, but the book was better than the movie for the latter.
Movie ended, he suggested dinner and drinks therafter. He came prepared, there was another helmet secured to the back of his Super 4. I looked at him thinking am i supposed to get on the bike?!? This is where I miss my hero, if only I still had him! Dammit! When was the last time I got on a bike? Yeah 2001/2002, I remember J, well he is already married and has twins, we still keep in touch, sometimes laugh over the past. Last month, he said he regretted his decision of breaking up with me and his ego had stopped him from coming back. Wats the point of regretting now was my only response to him.
Now coming back to D, so I got on the bike, my hand on his shoulder and making sure there was sufficient distance between us,the tamil film scenes came to my mind at that point! Directed him to the coffeeshop. The night was good, we shared stories of our past, discussed about life, relationships, sex, men, women, the movie, people we know, indian mentality, etc and gave each others' perspective on each. Then he pops the question abt when imintending to get married. Told him ive given up on marriage and love, he probed further, then I confessed that Im still in love with my ex boyfriend and I cant forget him no matter how hard I try. Ive let him be and have refrained from writing or calling him (well i dunt have his number and not making any attempts to get it either), but he is still in every vein of mine and every day in my thoughts. He has asked me to move on, but how do I tell him that I cant. Maybe when one day he is married I will move on......"So are you thinking of reconciling with him" was D's next probe, how can I with a man who has already moved on, holding him back would be selfish on my part. As we were talking i received an sms from M, "Bought 2 tics for 1240 movie, angels & demons, would you join me please?" A married one bugging me. Ignored the message and continued with my converstaion with D. ITime passed, it was already 4am, he dropped me back home, during the ride he tried braking a few times along the road, well there wasnt a need to, but of course i held on tight and my cg never shifted! Sorry to disappoint u Mr D, Im only for 1. He saw me to my lift, I thanked his for the night and walked away.
If only moving on was that easy....I still love you my dearest gem downunder......
Movie ended, he suggested dinner and drinks therafter. He came prepared, there was another helmet secured to the back of his Super 4. I looked at him thinking am i supposed to get on the bike?!? This is where I miss my hero, if only I still had him! Dammit! When was the last time I got on a bike? Yeah 2001/2002, I remember J, well he is already married and has twins, we still keep in touch, sometimes laugh over the past. Last month, he said he regretted his decision of breaking up with me and his ego had stopped him from coming back. Wats the point of regretting now was my only response to him.
Now coming back to D, so I got on the bike, my hand on his shoulder and making sure there was sufficient distance between us,the tamil film scenes came to my mind at that point! Directed him to the coffeeshop. The night was good, we shared stories of our past, discussed about life, relationships, sex, men, women, the movie, people we know, indian mentality, etc and gave each others' perspective on each. Then he pops the question abt when imintending to get married. Told him ive given up on marriage and love, he probed further, then I confessed that Im still in love with my ex boyfriend and I cant forget him no matter how hard I try. Ive let him be and have refrained from writing or calling him (well i dunt have his number and not making any attempts to get it either), but he is still in every vein of mine and every day in my thoughts. He has asked me to move on, but how do I tell him that I cant. Maybe when one day he is married I will move on......"So are you thinking of reconciling with him" was D's next probe, how can I with a man who has already moved on, holding him back would be selfish on my part. As we were talking i received an sms from M, "Bought 2 tics for 1240 movie, angels & demons, would you join me please?" A married one bugging me. Ignored the message and continued with my converstaion with D. ITime passed, it was already 4am, he dropped me back home, during the ride he tried braking a few times along the road, well there wasnt a need to, but of course i held on tight and my cg never shifted! Sorry to disappoint u Mr D, Im only for 1. He saw me to my lift, I thanked his for the night and walked away.
If only moving on was that easy....I still love you my dearest gem downunder......
Friday, May 15, 2009
Dont Try So Hard to Hide
Know the truth before you shoot,
Watch ur mouth before u send that para out,
The entire world aint just after you,
So shove that number up urs for all I care,
Wat is it ure trying so had to prove & what
is it that ure runnig from u mite care to share.
Appreciate people if your brain aint disabled,
Noone aims to see you be crippled,
Learn to differ people with their name cos all arent the same,
Reasons many you may give, but the truth wunt be long underlit,
Lines by you are responses to One, go on & deny all u want,
The pieces uve given, Put them together and the puzzle will make sense,
Perth it may be, new found love it has to be, fisheyes is Kayilvizhi
Learn to sieve the good from then bad, I can see that uve already done that,
Its ur life and there isnt a need to hide, So chill ma fren & learn to fight!
Watch ur mouth before u send that para out,
The entire world aint just after you,
So shove that number up urs for all I care,
Wat is it ure trying so had to prove & what
is it that ure runnig from u mite care to share.
Appreciate people if your brain aint disabled,
Noone aims to see you be crippled,
Learn to differ people with their name cos all arent the same,
Reasons many you may give, but the truth wunt be long underlit,
Lines by you are responses to One, go on & deny all u want,
The pieces uve given, Put them together and the puzzle will make sense,
Perth it may be, new found love it has to be, fisheyes is Kayilvizhi
Learn to sieve the good from then bad, I can see that uve already done that,
Its ur life and there isnt a need to hide, So chill ma fren & learn to fight!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Im A Rebel!
No norms I conform to, have my own mind & my own style too
The rebel in me wants to live again, you will see it coming soon
Tattoos ive designed on my own, dont come back home i was told
F* the world I dont care! Come get me if u can, im gona make my life a story to tell
Havent been feeling very good lately, you're gona die says my cousin cheekily,
was never afriad of death and she knows, should have been dead a long time ago,
the road was always my deathbed, speed devil ive always been called,
summons & demerit plenty Ive got, sleep om my wheels I never forgot,
Love I did unconditionally but only to be crushed and left lonely
Sympathy I dont need & bait with carrots a smart one doesnt carry
Im a beauty I was told, dont u worry I'll never walk alone.........
The rebel in me wants to live again, you will see it coming soon
Tattoos ive designed on my own, dont come back home i was told
F* the world I dont care! Come get me if u can, im gona make my life a story to tell
Havent been feeling very good lately, you're gona die says my cousin cheekily,
was never afriad of death and she knows, should have been dead a long time ago,
the road was always my deathbed, speed devil ive always been called,
summons & demerit plenty Ive got, sleep om my wheels I never forgot,
Love I did unconditionally but only to be crushed and left lonely
Sympathy I dont need & bait with carrots a smart one doesnt carry
Im a beauty I was told, dont u worry I'll never walk alone.........
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
My Superman
I had a conversation with my nephew the other night, well ive been sleeping with him and my aunt since the disturbing dream I had in Feb. I asked him " Lesh, Im gona leave in 2 months, what will you do? There wunt be anyone sleeping beside u" His response "I will fly like superman and save you from the plane you're flying on, dont worry Athay" Well Im gona miss my little monkey. When asked if he would cry during my departure, he says no and that he would laugh like this: HA HA HA.
He is the one who questions me when im late or asks me where im going and whith whom im gona be out with....my little monkey is turning 5 on July 16th, but he is my playmate, my victim, my band, my drawing board, my crying pillow and most of the time my dad. There are times when we run around the house, sing our lungs out and dance in front of the TV....I dress him up like a gal, i steal his food when he's not looking, make funky hairstyles for him, try my tattoo skills on his skinny arms and get a scolding from my mom for making a mess of him when he had just showered!
Im gona miss him, my nights are gona be lonely with no my little rascal missing, we talk stories or watch movies on my laptop sometimes in bed.....Im gona miss him so much...noone to question me, no more whys and noone to tell me "Athay look at my arms, im strong cos Im eating chicken and eggs!".....
He is the one who questions me when im late or asks me where im going and whith whom im gona be out with....my little monkey is turning 5 on July 16th, but he is my playmate, my victim, my band, my drawing board, my crying pillow and most of the time my dad. There are times when we run around the house, sing our lungs out and dance in front of the TV....I dress him up like a gal, i steal his food when he's not looking, make funky hairstyles for him, try my tattoo skills on his skinny arms and get a scolding from my mom for making a mess of him when he had just showered!
Im gona miss him, my nights are gona be lonely with no my little rascal missing, we talk stories or watch movies on my laptop sometimes in bed.....Im gona miss him so much...noone to question me, no more whys and noone to tell me "Athay look at my arms, im strong cos Im eating chicken and eggs!".....
Take Me Away
Shivers down my spine, droplets of perspiration
Something wasnt right but the day has to move on
The heart feels hollow and stomach churns the same
I pray to thee my lord, erase my mind or my heart
shall run dry today.
What is it the past that holds memories todate
Havent I served my time & why isnt it up yet?
Have mercy on me please, am I also not yours....
Something wasnt right but the day has to move on
The heart feels hollow and stomach churns the same
I pray to thee my lord, erase my mind or my heart
shall run dry today.
What is it the past that holds memories todate
Havent I served my time & why isnt it up yet?
Have mercy on me please, am I also not yours....
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I Think I Felt Pain
The day started out alright, with the absence of my hero, one kind soul who lives next to me offered to give me a life to school. I was activated for the temperature taking exercise, with my gloves, mask and the thermometer I headed to the classes, looked like a scene in ER. After invigilation I headed back, opened up my mails, many FYA emails from my P, received a call from the finance, "I was told by your office that you've instructed them to stop our payment?" "Yeah I did, maybe you should check with your service department why I had to do that? Payment will be done once your service is fulfiled" and blank went the phone...I bet she would have cursed & sweared.
My stomach started churning, I get this only when Im nervous....I was gng numb and losing my thoughts, wats happening? Im not gng for an interview nor a presentation, then why am I feeling this way? I sat with my hands on my heads and then I felt it.... The Pain, it not an heart attack....so this is it...ive felt it at last...u know how people say abt the matters of the heart? "Its Painful?" Yes thats it I felt THAT PAIN today....wow that was one hell of a pain i should say.....it happens I suppose when u miss someone like hell and u have so much inside u that wants to burst out....
The rest of the day went on fine, headed to the gym after work, my heart rate was fluctuating between 179 to 182 and I was doing cardio....am I alright? 120 crunches, machines for the thigs and arms and off we were to the steam room...our topic for today....we were dicussing abt a book and the different kinds of love depicted in the book....its very different....so what is real love? The author had a different stand to it....well before we got to that, the steam stopped and we were forced to leave after a 15 min wait....showered, had a healthy dinner of fruits & a miz of carrot & orange juice....that felt damn good!
As I entered the house, My dad asked me a question, got me thinking.....y ask after all these months.....
My stomach started churning, I get this only when Im nervous....I was gng numb and losing my thoughts, wats happening? Im not gng for an interview nor a presentation, then why am I feeling this way? I sat with my hands on my heads and then I felt it.... The Pain, it not an heart attack....so this is it...ive felt it at last...u know how people say abt the matters of the heart? "Its Painful?" Yes thats it I felt THAT PAIN today....wow that was one hell of a pain i should say.....it happens I suppose when u miss someone like hell and u have so much inside u that wants to burst out....
The rest of the day went on fine, headed to the gym after work, my heart rate was fluctuating between 179 to 182 and I was doing cardio....am I alright? 120 crunches, machines for the thigs and arms and off we were to the steam room...our topic for today....we were dicussing abt a book and the different kinds of love depicted in the book....its very different....so what is real love? The author had a different stand to it....well before we got to that, the steam stopped and we were forced to leave after a 15 min wait....showered, had a healthy dinner of fruits & a miz of carrot & orange juice....that felt damn good!
As I entered the house, My dad asked me a question, got me thinking.....y ask after all these months.....
Monday, May 11, 2009
Ignorance
Yesterday, Sat, My friend & I were crazy enough to catch a bus to terminal 3 for dinner. As I was getting ready I receive a call from my bro's fren who over the past 2 years has become a permanent fixture in my family parties. "Hey what are you doing? Your bro said u needed a favour?" I remember once I asked him why he wasnt married yet and his response, "I wana marry u, how? Wil u marry me? In fact I told your bro last yr that if ure still single in the next couple of years I'll marry u." "Im running away from this country, if ure ok with running away with me then i'll marry u," was my reply with a cheeky smile :d
I went to drop my mom and her friend at someplace, as I got off the car to cross the road, I could hear her friend asking her my age and if im seeing someone. Finally a few phonecalls later, she tells my mom there is an eligible bachelor. Haha i was thinking to myself, tday is not ur day. "Ur mapillai, is he ok with running away?", i blurted. She was taken aback, well I was in my rebelious mode that day too bad eh! 2 weeks later she calls trying her luck again, my mom was on the phone, I was opposite her doing a charade of a bird flying and a plane taking off, I swear my mom felt like throwing something at me heh :))))
Of course I still get messages from THE sleezy MF matrimonial website, y am I still in then? well, when Im in my stressed rebel mode some MF gets it from me, its better than a stressball, trust me... Ive met tons of sick chauvanistic Bs! One was ready to give me 300K and move to Aust and take care of me. When I told him I was in love with someone else, he proposed marriage!!!!! Of course not mentioning the tons of sex maniacs in there whose conversations revolve ONLY around sex....anywhere around the globe they are all the same, they all think thru their other head!
But there was one, who chat with me one nite, I happened to be up late doing my assignment that night. We shared the same thoughts, we were discussing abt the website and life. He had his own set of problems, the women he met were more interested in marryig his US citizenship rather than him. Recently an interesting soul whom I came across in Orkut sometime back, shared his life story with me. If he was anywhere near me, i swear I would have given him a huge hug. I take my hats of to this guy who amidst all his miseries is still able to infuse humour and make me smile reading his mails. Chandler, as he calls himself, and I have become friends, its kind of wierd how we met actually, was an accident. He had gone missing since Jan and re-appeared last week with a 'hi' email. I would want to meet him one day. The most courages soul Ive come across in my life! A true hero.
Its amazing how some people have so much of love to give and people either are ignorant (or maybe just dense) or just take advantage of their kindness. There are yet others who go after women or men who are totally worthless when they have a soul still in waiting for them. They are totally blind to the good people around them and rather go after some selfish, manipulative, boastful, disgusting being...trust me Ive met 1 such woman, who had no qualms lieing to the man she was practically having an affair with. Not that this man was any angel himself....she had lied to him that she was single when she was already engaged, and her defense, I just wanted to see how far this man would go to marry me...guess what this man actually went all the way to Europe not knowing what he was in for...of course he wasnt there solely for that purpose himself. Disgusting women like her dont think twice about faking their pragnancy nor lieing about having a sibling in hospital with his stomach out. She thought everyone around her was as sly and dumb as she was...of course there are others who stick around you in the name of helping you, with a different agenda of course and some others who go into a total 'silence' cos the world has come down on them but of course their other 'face' is secretly functioning to fish for some sympathy....i have shivers down my spine til tday when i think of the lies I was told by these women....that sould explain why most of my frens happen to me male....there are people who would actually stoop that low.....hmm.....but it was a good experience dealing with these women..as I tell my pupils everyday, no school prepares you for the challenges that life is gona challenge you with...now when i think of it, its just hilarious!
Alright my 30 mins is up. Ive got a drinking session soon. Its been some time hehe.....Vodka, JD, Bombay Sapphire, southern comfort...hmm my cousin is shifting and we are there to finish off the bottles, the last day in this house... Cheers to 689D!
I went to drop my mom and her friend at someplace, as I got off the car to cross the road, I could hear her friend asking her my age and if im seeing someone. Finally a few phonecalls later, she tells my mom there is an eligible bachelor. Haha i was thinking to myself, tday is not ur day. "Ur mapillai, is he ok with running away?", i blurted. She was taken aback, well I was in my rebelious mode that day too bad eh! 2 weeks later she calls trying her luck again, my mom was on the phone, I was opposite her doing a charade of a bird flying and a plane taking off, I swear my mom felt like throwing something at me heh :))))
Of course I still get messages from THE sleezy MF matrimonial website, y am I still in then? well, when Im in my stressed rebel mode some MF gets it from me, its better than a stressball, trust me... Ive met tons of sick chauvanistic Bs! One was ready to give me 300K and move to Aust and take care of me. When I told him I was in love with someone else, he proposed marriage!!!!! Of course not mentioning the tons of sex maniacs in there whose conversations revolve ONLY around sex....anywhere around the globe they are all the same, they all think thru their other head!
But there was one, who chat with me one nite, I happened to be up late doing my assignment that night. We shared the same thoughts, we were discussing abt the website and life. He had his own set of problems, the women he met were more interested in marryig his US citizenship rather than him. Recently an interesting soul whom I came across in Orkut sometime back, shared his life story with me. If he was anywhere near me, i swear I would have given him a huge hug. I take my hats of to this guy who amidst all his miseries is still able to infuse humour and make me smile reading his mails. Chandler, as he calls himself, and I have become friends, its kind of wierd how we met actually, was an accident. He had gone missing since Jan and re-appeared last week with a 'hi' email. I would want to meet him one day. The most courages soul Ive come across in my life! A true hero.
Its amazing how some people have so much of love to give and people either are ignorant (or maybe just dense) or just take advantage of their kindness. There are yet others who go after women or men who are totally worthless when they have a soul still in waiting for them. They are totally blind to the good people around them and rather go after some selfish, manipulative, boastful, disgusting being...trust me Ive met 1 such woman, who had no qualms lieing to the man she was practically having an affair with. Not that this man was any angel himself....she had lied to him that she was single when she was already engaged, and her defense, I just wanted to see how far this man would go to marry me...guess what this man actually went all the way to Europe not knowing what he was in for...of course he wasnt there solely for that purpose himself. Disgusting women like her dont think twice about faking their pragnancy nor lieing about having a sibling in hospital with his stomach out. She thought everyone around her was as sly and dumb as she was...of course there are others who stick around you in the name of helping you, with a different agenda of course and some others who go into a total 'silence' cos the world has come down on them but of course their other 'face' is secretly functioning to fish for some sympathy....i have shivers down my spine til tday when i think of the lies I was told by these women....that sould explain why most of my frens happen to me male....there are people who would actually stoop that low.....hmm.....but it was a good experience dealing with these women..as I tell my pupils everyday, no school prepares you for the challenges that life is gona challenge you with...now when i think of it, its just hilarious!
Alright my 30 mins is up. Ive got a drinking session soon. Its been some time hehe.....Vodka, JD, Bombay Sapphire, southern comfort...hmm my cousin is shifting and we are there to finish off the bottles, the last day in this house... Cheers to 689D!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Dedication - Songs by Bryan Adams
1) Please Forgive Me
It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on
So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should
Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me
This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch
We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do
One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'....
2) Here I Am
Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true
It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of young hearts
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am
Here we are - we've just begun
And after all this time - our time has come
Ya here we are - still goin' strong
Right here in the place where we belong
Chorus X1
Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true
Chorus X2
Here I am - next to you
And suddenly the world is all brand new
Here I am - where I'm gonna stay
Now there's nothin standin in our way
Here I am - this is me
3) When You Love Someone
When you love someone you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon put out the sun
When you love someone
You'll deny the truth believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe
you can really fly
But your lonely nights have just begun
When you love someone
When you love someone you'll feel it deep inside
And nothin' else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone
When you love someone - you'll sacrifice
You'd give it everything you got and
you won't think twice
You'd risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone
It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on
So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should
Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me
This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch
We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do
One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'....
2) Here I Am
Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true
It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of young hearts
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am
Here we are - we've just begun
And after all this time - our time has come
Ya here we are - still goin' strong
Right here in the place where we belong
Chorus X1
Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true
Chorus X2
Here I am - next to you
And suddenly the world is all brand new
Here I am - where I'm gonna stay
Now there's nothin standin in our way
Here I am - this is me
3) When You Love Someone
When you love someone you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon put out the sun
When you love someone
You'll deny the truth believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe
you can really fly
But your lonely nights have just begun
When you love someone
When you love someone you'll feel it deep inside
And nothin' else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone
When you love someone - you'll sacrifice
You'd give it everything you got and
you won't think twice
You'd risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone
All Time Favourite
Movie Name: Roja (1993)
Singer: Balasubrahmanyam SP
Music Director: Rahman AR
Lyrics: Vairamuthu
Year: 1993
Producer: Balachander K, Mani Ratnam
Director: Mani Ratnam
Actors: Arvind Swamy, Janagaraj, Madhubala, Nazar, Pankaj Kapoor
kaadhal roajaavae engae nee engae
kanneer vazhiyudhadi kannae
kannukkul needhaan kanneeril needhaan
kanmoodip paarththaal nenjukkul needhaan
ennaanadhoa aedhaanadhoa sol sol
(kaadhal)
thenral ennaith theendinaal saelai theendum njaabagam
chinnap pookkal paarkkaiyil dhaegam paarththa njaabagam
velli oadai paesinaal sonna vaarththai njaabagam
dhaegam rendum saergaiyil moagam konda njaabagam
vaayillaamal poanaal vaarththai illai kannae
neeyillaamal poanaal vaazhkkai illai kannae
mulloadudhaan muththangalaa sol sol
(kaadhal)
veesuginra thenralae vaelai illai inru poa
paesuginra vennilaa penmai illai oayndhu poa
poo valarththa thoattamae koondhal illai thaeindhu poa
boomi paarkkum vaanamae pulliyaagath thaeindhu poa
paavai illai paavai thaevai enna thaevai
jeevan poana pinnae saevai enna saevai
mulloadudhaan muththangalaa sol sol
(kaadhal)
Singer: Balasubrahmanyam SP
Music Director: Rahman AR
Lyrics: Vairamuthu
Year: 1993
Producer: Balachander K, Mani Ratnam
Director: Mani Ratnam
Actors: Arvind Swamy, Janagaraj, Madhubala, Nazar, Pankaj Kapoor
kaadhal roajaavae engae nee engae
kanneer vazhiyudhadi kannae
kannukkul needhaan kanneeril needhaan
kanmoodip paarththaal nenjukkul needhaan
ennaanadhoa aedhaanadhoa sol sol
(kaadhal)
thenral ennaith theendinaal saelai theendum njaabagam
chinnap pookkal paarkkaiyil dhaegam paarththa njaabagam
velli oadai paesinaal sonna vaarththai njaabagam
dhaegam rendum saergaiyil moagam konda njaabagam
vaayillaamal poanaal vaarththai illai kannae
neeyillaamal poanaal vaazhkkai illai kannae
mulloadudhaan muththangalaa sol sol
(kaadhal)
veesuginra thenralae vaelai illai inru poa
paesuginra vennilaa penmai illai oayndhu poa
poo valarththa thoattamae koondhal illai thaeindhu poa
boomi paarkkum vaanamae pulliyaagath thaeindhu poa
paavai illai paavai thaevai enna thaevai
jeevan poana pinnae saevai enna saevai
mulloadudhaan muththangalaa sol sol
(kaadhal)
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Past, Present & Future
Today Is the Tomorrow I was Taking about Yesterday.
Today marks the 50th annniversary of the NPCC.
Students say they like me better in uniform,
As a cadet in the past and in the present an Officer,
Adjutent to OC. Rifles & pistols being my favourite,
Never ending camps from then til now. Trained first aider,
and still a range officer. Have you seen a gun
someone asked me once. Trophies Ive won in competitions for
officers. Its been 2 years since the last. Time passes,
responsibilities changes, age catches up, been there done
that, now its time to pass on to the freshmen who joined.
No more camps in Ubin, no more sleeping in safari beds under
moonlight. No more muster parades, range duties, orienteering,
high elements nor hikes. Its time for me pass out with my 2nd
batch of cadets. That marks the end of 8 years as an officer.
The future will not see me as the woman in blue again.
Today marks the 50th annniversary of the NPCC.
Students say they like me better in uniform,
As a cadet in the past and in the present an Officer,
Adjutent to OC. Rifles & pistols being my favourite,
Never ending camps from then til now. Trained first aider,
and still a range officer. Have you seen a gun
someone asked me once. Trophies Ive won in competitions for
officers. Its been 2 years since the last. Time passes,
responsibilities changes, age catches up, been there done
that, now its time to pass on to the freshmen who joined.
No more camps in Ubin, no more sleeping in safari beds under
moonlight. No more muster parades, range duties, orienteering,
high elements nor hikes. Its time for me pass out with my 2nd
batch of cadets. That marks the end of 8 years as an officer.
The future will not see me as the woman in blue again.
Today
Rainy morning but responsibilities still continue
Missed my hero who was always in waiting for me
The day passed with the usual routines
Evening came and united I was with my hero
Nostalgic feel but only to last a couple of hours
Familiar faces, friends they were,sometime it has been
irony of all, Mexican it was, started with 7 and 2 added later
Had a night full of humour and laughter, memories of days together
You are troubled by something blurted the one opposite me
Brushed it away sighting work and lack of sleep as the culprit
Few glasses of margaritas, good it was to the bleeding heart
You're lying to me, I know you better, what is it,u can tel me
What am I to tell if I myself am pondering still, thanks to the
margaritas, this high feel is what I need. Kissed my hero goodbye
we shared many moments together and he holds many memories
Im off to my slumber, tempted to push the buttons but if a man
is into you, he'll know how to get you I was reminded. Today
is over, tomorrow shall come, nothing much of a change but
its still a new day!
Missed my hero who was always in waiting for me
The day passed with the usual routines
Evening came and united I was with my hero
Nostalgic feel but only to last a couple of hours
Familiar faces, friends they were,sometime it has been
irony of all, Mexican it was, started with 7 and 2 added later
Had a night full of humour and laughter, memories of days together
You are troubled by something blurted the one opposite me
Brushed it away sighting work and lack of sleep as the culprit
Few glasses of margaritas, good it was to the bleeding heart
You're lying to me, I know you better, what is it,u can tel me
What am I to tell if I myself am pondering still, thanks to the
margaritas, this high feel is what I need. Kissed my hero goodbye
we shared many moments together and he holds many memories
Im off to my slumber, tempted to push the buttons but if a man
is into you, he'll know how to get you I was reminded. Today
is over, tomorrow shall come, nothing much of a change but
its still a new day!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I Wish One Day My Man Would Sing These Phrases
LOVE
By Backstreet Boys
Yeah, Oh, Oh Yeah yeah.
Once there was a time,
love was just a myth,
it just wasn't for real,
it didn't exist.
Until the day you came into my life,
it forced me to think twice.
I didn't have too much,
no I wasn't rich,
You made me believe someday,
I'd be more than this.
That's why until this day I'm still your man,
cause you made me understand...
{Chorus}
Love is,
kisses in a bean bag chair
the two of us with no one there
Love is,
the moment that I climb the stairs
to hold you in my arms after we made love.
Love is,
waking up to see your face,
or kissing in the morning rain.
The only thing that keeps me sane,
at the end of the day is that I've got you.
You're my secret place,
where I can be myself.
You connect with me,
like nobody else.
Even though our circumstances changed,
our love still remains.
Keep me on the ground,
still you help me fly,
You taught me to be patient,
I taught you to rely,
so no matter what tomorrow brings,
we got the simple things cause...
{Chorus}
Love is,
a Sunday morning with the blanket wrapped around your waist.
Love is,
the way your lips seems to curve when you say my name.
Love is,
and when I'm stressing like the world's turnin' upside down.
girl it all makes sense when you're around.
{Chorus} 2x
By Backstreet Boys
Yeah, Oh, Oh Yeah yeah.
Once there was a time,
love was just a myth,
it just wasn't for real,
it didn't exist.
Until the day you came into my life,
it forced me to think twice.
I didn't have too much,
no I wasn't rich,
You made me believe someday,
I'd be more than this.
That's why until this day I'm still your man,
cause you made me understand...
{Chorus}
Love is,
kisses in a bean bag chair
the two of us with no one there
Love is,
the moment that I climb the stairs
to hold you in my arms after we made love.
Love is,
waking up to see your face,
or kissing in the morning rain.
The only thing that keeps me sane,
at the end of the day is that I've got you.
You're my secret place,
where I can be myself.
You connect with me,
like nobody else.
Even though our circumstances changed,
our love still remains.
Keep me on the ground,
still you help me fly,
You taught me to be patient,
I taught you to rely,
so no matter what tomorrow brings,
we got the simple things cause...
{Chorus}
Love is,
a Sunday morning with the blanket wrapped around your waist.
Love is,
the way your lips seems to curve when you say my name.
Love is,
and when I'm stressing like the world's turnin' upside down.
girl it all makes sense when you're around.
{Chorus} 2x
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Who Would U Marry?
A couple of weeks ago I was asked this question by a friend. Would you marry the man who loves you or would you marry the man you love? Well it took me sometime to answer cos obviously my ans is gona be biased. She wanted an opinion as she was confused. She is dating this american who is currently working in singapore. Does love exist still? Im not sure about that but Ive given up on love cos most of the time even though its expressed by the other, somehow in the end it ends up one sided. Well it is nice as long as it lasts but after that all that stays is pain. How is it to be told by the man whom u hold so dear that ure no longer in his future plans?
Ive rejected many in my life, but this one, he's just impossible to be erased and I wonder why. Well there's nothing I can do as it looks like he's found himself another. My friend asks me, how do you bring urself to wish him well? My response to her, when u love a man anything is possible, u dont even have to think. Somehow along the way u stop fighting for the love u want and eventually settle for the love that wants you, if you dont get what u want then at least let the other who desires have u. Many come into your life, some leave footprints and there can only be one who is engraved for a lifetime. Life goes on, responsibilities continue, we meet new ones along the way, but you know your time has passed with the past......
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter"
Ive rejected many in my life, but this one, he's just impossible to be erased and I wonder why. Well there's nothing I can do as it looks like he's found himself another. My friend asks me, how do you bring urself to wish him well? My response to her, when u love a man anything is possible, u dont even have to think. Somehow along the way u stop fighting for the love u want and eventually settle for the love that wants you, if you dont get what u want then at least let the other who desires have u. Many come into your life, some leave footprints and there can only be one who is engraved for a lifetime. Life goes on, responsibilities continue, we meet new ones along the way, but you know your time has passed with the past......
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter"
Its been 3 Dayz
As we were walking out of school, my friend asked me "Did you this?" I was puzzled as to wat she was referring to until she pointed to the shattered glass shelter in the walkway. "Did you try throwing stones at GOD?"
Well this girl, my buddy, my colleague, my gym mate, my best friend, wasnt in school on Mon. Finally she had picked up the courage to do what I had suggested to her. She told him exactly how she feels abt him and he reciprocated! Wasnt it that easy? Wats the point of playing the guessing game? Well what could have happened? Either he accepts or he rejects, yeah its gona be sad but seriously wouldnt she be putting a stop to her miseries once and for all? Well im partly to be blamed for her current state. She didnt want to date this guy and get into this love mess, but I made a bet with her, $50 bucks for having the guts to go out with him, she did, she liked him and was in a confusion as to his thoughts. My ex tells me he regrets not coming back to me, apparently the only thing that stopped him was his ego at that time well then, wats the point of regretting after having kids? Men!
Past 2 days ive been on gate duty for visual checks. It was more for the recent hype but since I was there, I was pulling out pupils with improper attire, coloured hair,
shoes, socks, bag check etc. I bet I'm in the students' dart list already!
It has been 3 days since I spoke to anyone at home, noone bothered to make an attempt
either. Well Im hurt and Im going to let it be. I'd probably miss them and regret my actions once im alone down under but I like it this way, at least for now.
School is as busy as ever, im still waiting for the confirmation from the uni afterwhich Ive tons of admin to settle. Well, accomodation is more or less confirmed,I can sleep peacefully tnite! I just hope there is no change of mind from the other party. Im physically & mentally exhausted and Im absolutely in no mood for anything, friends, family, relationship, job. Nothing interests me anymore, sometimes I wish Im in a COMA and detached from the entire world. God take me away please. Grant me this wish at least :@
Well this girl, my buddy, my colleague, my gym mate, my best friend, wasnt in school on Mon. Finally she had picked up the courage to do what I had suggested to her. She told him exactly how she feels abt him and he reciprocated! Wasnt it that easy? Wats the point of playing the guessing game? Well what could have happened? Either he accepts or he rejects, yeah its gona be sad but seriously wouldnt she be putting a stop to her miseries once and for all? Well im partly to be blamed for her current state. She didnt want to date this guy and get into this love mess, but I made a bet with her, $50 bucks for having the guts to go out with him, she did, she liked him and was in a confusion as to his thoughts. My ex tells me he regrets not coming back to me, apparently the only thing that stopped him was his ego at that time well then, wats the point of regretting after having kids? Men!
Past 2 days ive been on gate duty for visual checks. It was more for the recent hype but since I was there, I was pulling out pupils with improper attire, coloured hair,
shoes, socks, bag check etc. I bet I'm in the students' dart list already!
It has been 3 days since I spoke to anyone at home, noone bothered to make an attempt
either. Well Im hurt and Im going to let it be. I'd probably miss them and regret my actions once im alone down under but I like it this way, at least for now.
School is as busy as ever, im still waiting for the confirmation from the uni afterwhich Ive tons of admin to settle. Well, accomodation is more or less confirmed,I can sleep peacefully tnite! I just hope there is no change of mind from the other party. Im physically & mentally exhausted and Im absolutely in no mood for anything, friends, family, relationship, job. Nothing interests me anymore, sometimes I wish Im in a COMA and detached from the entire world. God take me away please. Grant me this wish at least :@
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Comms Relay
Today comms relay was activated, I was in the movies when I got the call
Had to get out twice to answer it. Have to be in school at 630am tomorrow
There'll be a briefing for all heads and the teachers will come in at 7am
My email is jammed with SOPs, have to read and be prepared for tomorrow.
Ministry has stepped up measures bcos of the recent outbreak. Schools have to
conduct compulsory temperature taking exercises 2 times every day. We are in the
Orange zone right now. I have homework for tonight :)
Had to get out twice to answer it. Have to be in school at 630am tomorrow
There'll be a briefing for all heads and the teachers will come in at 7am
My email is jammed with SOPs, have to read and be prepared for tomorrow.
Ministry has stepped up measures bcos of the recent outbreak. Schools have to
conduct compulsory temperature taking exercises 2 times every day. We are in the
Orange zone right now. I have homework for tonight :)
Will our tears be hot?
As I was rushing to the gym, at the lift i saw my fren
I thought I was late & there she was waiting for th lift crying
She didnt wana say anything, we headed up and did our routines
As we sat in the steam room, she told me what had happened
What do I tell her, nothing I say would be of comfort to her
She is my best friend, one who takes my nonsense, knows me inside
out and completely understands the way I feel and my reactions
We hang out everyday after school, eat, watch movie, crap
In the steamroom she posed a question, if we cry here
will our tears be hot too? I looked at her & we burst out laughing
But as we laughed, both of us knew that inside each, the pain
still remains.
I thought I was late & there she was waiting for th lift crying
She didnt wana say anything, we headed up and did our routines
As we sat in the steam room, she told me what had happened
What do I tell her, nothing I say would be of comfort to her
She is my best friend, one who takes my nonsense, knows me inside
out and completely understands the way I feel and my reactions
We hang out everyday after school, eat, watch movie, crap
In the steamroom she posed a question, if we cry here
will our tears be hot too? I looked at her & we burst out laughing
But as we laughed, both of us knew that inside each, the pain
still remains.
The Wee Hours of this morning......
Gosh I look a mess, arghhhhhhh, my eyes are puffed
Maybe I should stand under a hot shower for awhile
Heading to the gym, used to be tennis every sundays
well with my hero gone there's no way im gona get to
my cousin's at 8 in the morning, gym membership ends
on the mid of this month too, what am I gona do then
they dont have extentions for 2 months! Hmmmm I know,
I'll head to woodvale for gym & swim in future HA HA
I was picking up stones last night whle having a drink
with a friend, told her one is for GOD and the other for
the astrologer who said my life would turn for the better
in 2009! I havent talked to anyone at home since I got up,
Dont feel like it, sometimes I feel like a total stranger
in my own house, hmmm I better get going, geez left my
favourite Levi's jacket in school and my runners too..
Im sure I have another in one of those boxes, will be
back in the afternoon, or evening or night or maybe NEVER!
Maybe I should stand under a hot shower for awhile
Heading to the gym, used to be tennis every sundays
well with my hero gone there's no way im gona get to
my cousin's at 8 in the morning, gym membership ends
on the mid of this month too, what am I gona do then
they dont have extentions for 2 months! Hmmmm I know,
I'll head to woodvale for gym & swim in future HA HA
I was picking up stones last night whle having a drink
with a friend, told her one is for GOD and the other for
the astrologer who said my life would turn for the better
in 2009! I havent talked to anyone at home since I got up,
Dont feel like it, sometimes I feel like a total stranger
in my own house, hmmm I better get going, geez left my
favourite Levi's jacket in school and my runners too..
Im sure I have another in one of those boxes, will be
back in the afternoon, or evening or night or maybe NEVER!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
If I Get To Meet You GOD
Its already May isnt it, fast eh? The day started out fine, got up earlier than usual had breakfast and started on the tones of work I had for the weekend. Then it had to happen, a huge quarrel between my mom & I. For the past years our conversations only lasted abt 5 mins max. I wonder why. Ive heard women & men who cant live without their mother, yearn to have their head on their mother's lap or miss her cooking so much. Why is it that I never yearn for those? Why is it that the distance between us seems to have reached infinity? I dont share with her my sorrows nor my joys, I dont spend time with her anymore, when I try it usually ends up in a fight. Is that why i am leaving? Am I begining to become a loner? Ive lost my bubbly self. WHY? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Has my job taken a toll on me, or is it my childhood and the memories of it? I know my mother loves me but I also know that my mother & I will never share that bond that most mothers do with their daughters. I dont usually discuss my sorrows with anyone cos I tell myself this is just a phase im gng through. Sometimes i think im crazy, i dunno why im even packing my bags, not that I have anything on the other side awaiting me. I dont even have a place to stay yet! Ha! I used to have a diary which used to listen and give me the strength to move on, but that too has gone in search of a new life. Life isnt it, when things get going for them, some tend to get selfish. Friends say Im very forgiving, well hasnt Baba asked to Love All & Serve All? Yeah God may decide who walks into our lives, but who am I to decide who stays and who leaves? Am I not being judgemental then? During an experiment, you dont extend a linear graph assuming it is gona be linear after that point, what if the graph happens to be a curve in the next stage of the experiment? Well everyone deserves a chance to make U turns and I am noone to deprive them of that! If you think Im a threat to your happiness & your future then be it. If i ever get to meet you GOD, pls have an answer to WHY you have never stopped the tears in my eyes and let me have happiness in my life since I was a child!
Closures.........
YLDP saw its closure last Thursday. Brian, Shaiful, Sim, Saras & I were the pioneers driving YLDP the past 6 yrs. We have seen YLDP grow from a student membership of 26 to 200. Kahirul from the pioneer batch of students started off with a speech. It was just a co-incidence that he is currently with us as a relief teacher. Certificate presentation followed his speech and a video presentation that brought back memories. This leadership program is something very close to the 5 of us. Trainings, camps and several school events the past 6 yrs were run by us. A platform that gave me opportunities, won be awards, let me experience a feel of being part of a Guinness World Record set by the school & groomed me as a leader. A program that gave our pupils opportunities to shine, pushed their limits & groomed them to be youth leaders. It was a sad moment for the 5 of us and soon we were in for a surprise. We were each presented with a certificate from the senior student leaders and asked to cut a cake on stage, witnessed by 1300 pupils. I was moved by the gesture, the whistles, their cheers and the words in the cert.
The event following that was VP’s farewell. He had no clue of what was coming up as he stood there watching us blow the candles on stage. VP was my reporting officer, my mentor, my friend and my godfather as I always refered to him. I could always count on him for an honest opinion on anything. He would then ask me “Do you want me to give an opinion as your reporting officer or as a friend? My answer would always be “Both.” He was head hunted by Minister Teo CH to join another Ministry in Policy Making. A Scholar, Gentleman, Leader, Mentor & true Friend. I am extremely gifted to have worked with him the past 2.5 years. With VP’s departure, in 2 months, my teaching career comes to a closure too. In 8 years I have initiated and spearheaded many projects in the school. I am truly gifted to have worked with several amazing leaders who have groomed me to what I am today.
Even though I have many closures in my life and many other doors of opportunities opening, my life is still incomplete without the 2 main ones. One dead, the other alive but both still haunting me in my dreams…….I don’t have the guts to face one and the other hasn’t picked up the courage to face me yet
The event following that was VP’s farewell. He had no clue of what was coming up as he stood there watching us blow the candles on stage. VP was my reporting officer, my mentor, my friend and my godfather as I always refered to him. I could always count on him for an honest opinion on anything. He would then ask me “Do you want me to give an opinion as your reporting officer or as a friend? My answer would always be “Both.” He was head hunted by Minister Teo CH to join another Ministry in Policy Making. A Scholar, Gentleman, Leader, Mentor & true Friend. I am extremely gifted to have worked with him the past 2.5 years. With VP’s departure, in 2 months, my teaching career comes to a closure too. In 8 years I have initiated and spearheaded many projects in the school. I am truly gifted to have worked with several amazing leaders who have groomed me to what I am today.
Even though I have many closures in my life and many other doors of opportunities opening, my life is still incomplete without the 2 main ones. One dead, the other alive but both still haunting me in my dreams…….I don’t have the guts to face one and the other hasn’t picked up the courage to face me yet
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