Today we booked out tickets to Tassie, 6 days and 5 nights. I told myself I have to do this - a free and easy adventure trip with a girlfriend all by ourselves, exploring an unknown terrain. Feels good and I am looking forward to it. Some shower is expected but I just hope it doesn't ruin our trip. Tomorrow we plan the route and book the car and probably the initial accomodation. We land in Lauceston and depart from Hobart. We are going to have a great time for sure :-)
Why is it that men can get so annoying sometimes, or rather most of the time. I am accused of not trying to meet someone, and when I do I end up meeting people who are superficial and full of bull stories. Yet another arse I have come across. Sometimes you let yourself out there only to be reminded that the perception you have formed about certain things will never change. Its no loss for me though, cos the universe knows who I truly desire :-)
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Sleepless nights
Its 4am, sleep is nowhere in the radar,
Thinking of where my life is headed,
This is not me I tell myself, for the 1000th time maybe,
"Get out of your depression", I get snapped at
"What makes you think I am depressed", I retort,
"Your face says it all & you do not care about anything" comes a reply
The rebel that I am I refused to acknowledge the truth
That day in July 2007, a click of a button that turned my life around
Many have walked in and out of my life but this one shattered me into pieces
Just as I picked up those pieces and glued that imperfect self
It was shattered yet another time just to realise that it will never be perfect again
New ones come into your life, but in that conversation all you can think of is the one who was the reason your life remains shattered til now
WHY you ask yourself, the answers you will never get from a 2 faced Gemini
The little lies that you tell, sometimes i wonder why even now you do
Please God take me away, as I am hurting those who love me while chasing after the love which hurts me
Thinking of where my life is headed,
This is not me I tell myself, for the 1000th time maybe,
"Get out of your depression", I get snapped at
"What makes you think I am depressed", I retort,
"Your face says it all & you do not care about anything" comes a reply
The rebel that I am I refused to acknowledge the truth
That day in July 2007, a click of a button that turned my life around
Many have walked in and out of my life but this one shattered me into pieces
Just as I picked up those pieces and glued that imperfect self
It was shattered yet another time just to realise that it will never be perfect again
New ones come into your life, but in that conversation all you can think of is the one who was the reason your life remains shattered til now
WHY you ask yourself, the answers you will never get from a 2 faced Gemini
The little lies that you tell, sometimes i wonder why even now you do
Please God take me away, as I am hurting those who love me while chasing after the love which hurts me
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Are You Happy
The question of whether I am happy has been posted to me quite a number of times in the past year. Am I really happy? I know I have nothing to complain about but if this equates to happiness, is still questionable. Happiness to me is being around loved ones and doing the things I love doing. I am neither with my family nor with the man I love and my answer to all who have posted this question is "NO". By going back to my family, I am hurting them more as I am unable to fulfill their desires. The very man I love has asked me for distance as he has his own desires. What do I do but stare at the ceiling, stand under the shower in deep thoughts or cry myself to sleep? This dreamy moments landed me in a close shave with a huge truck one afternoon. Sometimes the thought of ending my life has ever crossed my mind. I have moved on, but I cant take him off my mind, I am living in the hope that I will be his priority one day and he will come back for me. I have wondered why I love a man who has hurt me so much and who time and again has chosen someone else over me. I was never his priority, then why am I so madly in love with him?"how are you", was a reply to my sms to him. Do I fake what is happening in my head or do I tell him the truth? Does he even really care? I dont think so!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Deepavali 2010
This is the 2nd Deepavali away from home. It was great this year as well. Did some prayers with my friend in the morning at home, had lunch with them and my cousin and headed for a birthday party at night. The smses from friends interstate and the call from home made me miss home. There was a party back home yesterday at my cousin's and i was dearly missed. Its nice to have people missing your presence and remembering the games you have introduced in past parties. I sure have one bunch of cracko cousins! Somehow I missed home more this year than last. Mom cried the day before saying she misses me, well that has been the case every time she calls. I hold myself from breaking down and mask it with a harsh tone. She often says I dont love nor understand her. They want me to get married, but what do i tell them? One of the reasons I left Singapore was to be away from them so that the attention would be taken off me and my parents would worry less. I am waiting to be the priority of this one man I truly love.
Well they say you talk to the universe and it will happen, so i have been talking to my dearest universe :p.
Well they say you talk to the universe and it will happen, so i have been talking to my dearest universe :p.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The last chapters....
It has been a great 16 months I should say. This chapter of my life is coming to an end in 22 days to be exact. A trip to Christchurch and Wellington and then home sweet home. This party planner has been 'hired' to plan mommy's 60th Bday on 19th Dec and Daddy turns 68 on 20th Dec. Dec seems to be filled for now :-) and there goes my job hunting. This 16mths have sure been a roller coaster ride for me but this experience has definitely made me stronger. The friends Ive made, the people I came across and all the hardships and emotions that i have gone through has made life much richer for me.
The 3 weeks with S before he went back to his wife and kids, was really comforting. An angel who came into my life at the right time to lift me up, showing me what love, care and concern really is. "I followed you behind the workshop and chat you up. You were in jeans and white top, do you remember? Even your friends knew I was following you. I was always attracted to you." I just looked into his eyes in amazement! How am I to remember an incident 18 years ago?!? My heart melts when he plays the guitar and sings. He is everything a woman would want her partner to be. We had loads of fun talking about school days, shopping (this fashion guru made him buy a pink and green shirt haha), cooking, singing, clubbing and not forgetting our movie marathons. It was sure great to be in someone's arms (pumped and strong :P) and to be loved and cared for. But like how all good things come to an end, it was time for another goodbye. I was strong until he held me close to him and whispered "thanks for everything, and take care of yourself." Those familiar words and I broke down. I could see the redness in his eyes. The last flying kiss and he was gone.
The goodbye with V in Sydney airport was very different. It was nice of him to hang around until I boarded the plane. No hugs, no kisses, he didnt look at my face even. A quick cheek to cheek, "take care", no looking back and we walked in opposite directions. I cried all the way, through my journey from Sydney to Melbourne. Leaving him, I felt so lost, as if a part of me had gone with him. I confined myself to my room for days until S called me one day. S knew how much I love and miss V. I havent heard from V and this is it I guess. A married friend of mine told me yesterday "you know he is THE ONE, when he is a bad arse and you really want him in your life." Ive always wanted V in my life. He is one person I have done crazy things for. I forget myself when Im with him. He aint loving nor caring but somehow my heart only seeks for him. Crazy right? yeah i know, my middle name is "mad".
This year has also been ex boyfriends confession year. One says he regrets not coming back to me after we broke up. He said it was his ego that stopped him from doing so. The other says he broke up because of inferiority complex. He said I had a good relationship with family and friends and he loved the way I interacted with them. He apparently forced himself to leave me because he was more of a recluse. Well i never knew this in 10 years! Looking back, all my exes still keep in touch with me and I realised i did have a positive impact in all their lives that im remembered for.
The last few weeks in Melbourne. Gym, friends, cooking, drinking and outings. Paul loves my cooking and I told him he is my guinea pig, lol! Im gona make him some fish sambal tday. Think his taste buds are dead from all the vegetarian food his wife has been cooking. This is how its been for the past few weeks. Being single is great and im enjoying every bit of it. This is how my life is gona be. Love is out of the radar but Im still holding on to my hopes that ONE DAY my LOVE would come back to me :P.. I love my LIFE...Jay was saying I could write a book about my life, apparently its a very interesting one...looking back I feel the same too huauhauha
The 3 weeks with S before he went back to his wife and kids, was really comforting. An angel who came into my life at the right time to lift me up, showing me what love, care and concern really is. "I followed you behind the workshop and chat you up. You were in jeans and white top, do you remember? Even your friends knew I was following you. I was always attracted to you." I just looked into his eyes in amazement! How am I to remember an incident 18 years ago?!? My heart melts when he plays the guitar and sings. He is everything a woman would want her partner to be. We had loads of fun talking about school days, shopping (this fashion guru made him buy a pink and green shirt haha), cooking, singing, clubbing and not forgetting our movie marathons. It was sure great to be in someone's arms (pumped and strong :P) and to be loved and cared for. But like how all good things come to an end, it was time for another goodbye. I was strong until he held me close to him and whispered "thanks for everything, and take care of yourself." Those familiar words and I broke down. I could see the redness in his eyes. The last flying kiss and he was gone.
The goodbye with V in Sydney airport was very different. It was nice of him to hang around until I boarded the plane. No hugs, no kisses, he didnt look at my face even. A quick cheek to cheek, "take care", no looking back and we walked in opposite directions. I cried all the way, through my journey from Sydney to Melbourne. Leaving him, I felt so lost, as if a part of me had gone with him. I confined myself to my room for days until S called me one day. S knew how much I love and miss V. I havent heard from V and this is it I guess. A married friend of mine told me yesterday "you know he is THE ONE, when he is a bad arse and you really want him in your life." Ive always wanted V in my life. He is one person I have done crazy things for. I forget myself when Im with him. He aint loving nor caring but somehow my heart only seeks for him. Crazy right? yeah i know, my middle name is "mad".
This year has also been ex boyfriends confession year. One says he regrets not coming back to me after we broke up. He said it was his ego that stopped him from doing so. The other says he broke up because of inferiority complex. He said I had a good relationship with family and friends and he loved the way I interacted with them. He apparently forced himself to leave me because he was more of a recluse. Well i never knew this in 10 years! Looking back, all my exes still keep in touch with me and I realised i did have a positive impact in all their lives that im remembered for.
The last few weeks in Melbourne. Gym, friends, cooking, drinking and outings. Paul loves my cooking and I told him he is my guinea pig, lol! Im gona make him some fish sambal tday. Think his taste buds are dead from all the vegetarian food his wife has been cooking. This is how its been for the past few weeks. Being single is great and im enjoying every bit of it. This is how my life is gona be. Love is out of the radar but Im still holding on to my hopes that ONE DAY my LOVE would come back to me :P.. I love my LIFE...Jay was saying I could write a book about my life, apparently its a very interesting one...looking back I feel the same too huauhauha
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
