Are You Happy

The question of whether I am happy has been posted to me quite a number of times in the past year. Am I really happy? I know I have nothing to complain about but if this equates to happiness, is still questionable. Happiness to me is being around loved ones and doing the things I love doing. I am neither with my family nor with the man I love and my answer to all who have posted this question is "NO". By going back to my family, I am hurting them more as I am unable to fulfill their desires. The very man I love has asked me for distance as he has his own desires. What do I do but stare at the ceiling, stand under the shower in deep thoughts or cry myself to sleep? This dreamy moments landed me in a close shave with a huge truck one afternoon. Sometimes the thought of ending my life has ever crossed my mind. I have moved on, but I cant take him off my mind, I am living in the hope that I will be his priority one day and he will come back for me. I have wondered why I love a man who has hurt me so much and who time and again has chosen someone else over me. I was never his priority, then why am I so madly in love with him?"how are you", was a reply to my sms to him. Do I fake what is happening in my head or do I tell him the truth? Does he even really care? I dont think so!