Respect!

Today did not start out as a good one. My morning was spoilt by the comment I saw on FB. I dont get why some people would write personal comments on their timeline rather than send a personal mail. Why the need to let his friends know what is happening between us? There isnt any sense of privacy. And it puzzles me why only selective comments are left and the rest are deleted. After all that explanation all he could tel me was to choose between V, S and him! Where did that even come from? Didnt he undersatnd that S and I shared a very platonic relationship? Is having supper with someone who visited my country wrong? S was a real gentleman, we havent spoken since he left SG bcos I did not want to hurt him further. I was taken aback when he asked me to marry him. I apologisd to him if I had given him that thoughts. He said I am a nice person and he would like to marry me. He was willing to move to SG and work. Ive known him since mid 2008. We started off by bitching about shaadi.com. Our friendship was very platonic and he has always been telling me that he never wants to get married. I call him my terrorist, cos initially there were times he would just disappear from me abrubtly. He has never disrespected me. His last message to me "marry someone and start a family". His love for food and the hot weather brings him to singapore on a transit. A nice soul but I did not see hi that way. The relationship with V ended in a year but I have always cared about him and I was hanging on to him for a very long time. V has moved on, and so after a long time I let go of him and accepted PS into my life. There is something about him that did attract me even though he has disrespected me countless times. Noone has disrespected me as much as he has. Or should I say noone has ever disrespected me. I forgave him for the things he said to me and took him for wat he is. But what happened today got me thinking, "if you think ive decided on you, you are wrong", "have you kissed anyone since Dec?", How is a man able to disrespect you to his extent? A real MCP, I didnt like the way he asked me "are you tight there, how many partners did u have, how many did u sleep with?" These people will never utter such words to their own country women, bloody hypocrites! How is it possible to respect someone who disrespects you? Who mentally tortures you with the same questions over and over again, someone who doesnt trust you, doesnt respect your friendship with men, doesnt respect your mother, and your female friends? I think its a norm in the western culture he lives in to fantacise about someone else' mother! Wait til someone else does the same with the women in his family! People like him need to clear their bloody perverted heads before they start judging others. I should have known better, stupid me. How could I let someone disrespect me to this extent? He keep harping on the fact that he 'found out' something, WTF?!? What is there to find out when these people were just friends and are no longer in my life? I committed myself to this man for the past 3 months only to realise that there isnt any commitment from him. Im just 'another one' one in his list. Noone is asking for love or marriage but wouldnt you at least give your 100% to this person u r dating? I did and I am NOT going to feel guilty or take blame for his accusations! He can go and fuck himself fr all I care! I rather be single, at least I know the people around me respect me.

Its never ending is it????

Im on my bed, laptop om my pillow, tears rolling down and me thinking of my life not knowing if I should be laughing or crying....Today I was accused of bringing him for a ride. Its been sometime since I cried for a man or because of a man, Today I did for the mere fact that I was accused by the man I have begun to adore. Yes you know that V has been there for the longest time, I never thought I would like someone again. For some reason PS has captured my attention and my heart to a certain extent. He feels that its impossible to have feelings for someone you havent met before. He fails to understand that attraction is possible in whichever way. Isnt that how you build on something? Why am I being accused for something I did not do? I wish I had the luxury of being able to 'choose amongst a pool of men', haha if only I had that many options to start with. Well I have 1 whom I have been keeping as my priority but he has failed to see it. I think I have explained enough. Im just sad that he couldnt feel it all this while. I have always thought that I was only his option, cos i have seen different women commenting on his pictures. A man who is into you would find all opportunities to want to meet u, but he evades all questions on my holiday there. I told myself I will go with my full heart and give my 120%. I gave love a chance and I was true. I do like this man alot, but he has failed to understand me and I do not know how else to explain myself. God WHY are you doing this to me?????????? It is painful, to be doubted by the man you adore and accused for not being truthful when all my energy and attention was focused on that very man for the past months. I thought this is it, Ive found him and there he slips out of my hand as I watch. not knowing what to do. Im done with this love shit.....i think its just not meant to be. I lose one to death, another to I dunno what and this one to some silly doubt which doesnt even exist. Ohhh well, I was true to myself and him so I should not be sad. If its meant to be its meant to be! A man who adores you, will undersatnd your tru feelings for him. What is going to transpire from here? I dont know...he said 'bye'. What was that supposed to mean i really dont know. I can never be happy can I?