Pain

A conversation over lunch one day, "Which is worst? Physical pain or emotional pain?" Seriously im not too sure. But I can safely say that i havent been spared from either for a very long time. Sometimes I sit and wonder if there is light at the end of the tunnel, or is my karma so screwed that pain has become a part of my life. Sometimes I wonder if there is its worth in living. Lately thoughts of ending it has been crossing my mind just a little too often, but sad to say I dont have the guts to do what R did. Ive popped pills before, but I only felt sick and threw up after that, nothing close to death. Well how would you see death, when life has been taking a back seat for a god damn long time, its as good as being dead. Nothing excites me anymore. I bumped into DR this evening, been a long time, the very guy who dated my friend to get close to me. "Lets catch up", he says and departs. "yeah, I will", i muttered knowing very well, thats the last he will see me. "oi" from L, my ex, who is now happily married. The dating scene has taken a back seat, as im just not interested anymore. "I would like to see yu again", messages I receive from IK and M. "I'll let you know", is all I reply. My teeth has been acting up one by one. The pain has been excruciating. Last weekend was a sleep in. Since I work 7 days, i had to forgo my salary for that sat. I was $180 poorer, but i got to sleep for abit. The pain hasnt ceased. Going for classes has become a torture. I feel intoxicated because of the medication. Why is it that some people take love for granted? You offer somthing out of kindness and it comes back and bites you in the arse a little too sooner than you think. Im pretty sure, its a female who is responsible for his change of mind. I mean didnt he know that I have been having feelings towards him since 2007?!? "i dont want you to have feelings for me", was his response. Im reading it and going WTH?!? you drive me up the wall sometimes V! Didnt you know this when you decided to go via s'pore? Didnt you know this when u asked me to prepare for the accomodation? Just tell me that you have other plans instead of your little drama bullshit! You should have more guts to tell me the truth, instead of making it seems as if its all my fault. I am sick and tired of you putting me throough this emotional roller coaster to suit your bloody selfish, confused behaviour. Baba are you there? You keep telling me he is the one, but the one you are pointing to, seems to be looking elsewhere and hasnt stopped hurting me! SHow me you are there, I am tired of your games already, pls just give me a break please!!!