The day started early with greetings from my flatmates, what I was wearing gave the feel of diwali to them it seems. I missed home so much and the call from home while in the train station brought tears to my eyes. "Diwali is not the same without you", "I always spend the eve with you, today im home", "I love you", "Missing you", these are the messages Ive been receiving from friends and family since 1am this morning. Mom has been missing me lots and she had asked my cousins to come over so that she can feel my presence. Got to speak to my two little monkeys as well. The cards they made me on my birthday breaks a smile on my face on days when I feel very down.

Had four of my friends over at my cousin's, she was doing her house warming as well. Food oredered from her friends, the house seemed like S'pore headquarters. Then we headed to crown and I left with winnings of $35. Back home, its bright with tea lights around the house, pooja done by my flatmate and they were out to his cousin's, i didnt make it on time to go along with them. Home almost midnight, called home and spoke to all who were there, a pleasant way to end my 1st festival of lights away from home.

Dear God....

I met DR when I was back, he didnt seem his usual self. He left the party earlier citing something else, but later I learnt i was the reason he left. He is asking for a heart which isnt ready to accept someone else. Call me is what I heard last from him.

AM came into my life as a happy pill. Said he would love me if I did. But how could he when he already had 2 in his plate I asked him. He was angry and said he wasn't kidding. I cant share and my ex is in every vein of mine I told him. Text me when you get back down under is what I heard last from him.

SK came into my life sometime back. We were friends and still are. What do you want from me he asks, I said nothing is what I want. He said he liked me and would like to take it further if he wasnt in California. Geography is one and religion the other, both he and I know this isnt going to happen but I was surprised he felt that way and brought it up.

M talks as if he owns me, he probes about my ex and gets very jealous about him. He offered me an expense paid trip to sydney, I declined and he said he will come to my territory to spend some time with me. He was persistent and getting possesive. I just barred him a week ago and he doesnt have a clue I suppose.

V is every vein of mine. Im supposed to hate him and I did try very hard. I just cant and Im unable to move on. God why do I still love and care for the man who has hurt me so much? Will I ever get an answer god? I miss him God and I still cry over him. Will you please send someone to take over his place.....I cant take this anymore

Seeping Through Your Heart

No struggle with the gate, but a pleasant surprise awaits,
A warm smile, an enthusiastic greeting, glad it wasnt your mate,
Looks of expecting one, though words spoken later seemed otherwise,
Conversations ranging from family to updates on life and school,
Showing more interest than ever before, sharing on your plans and more
Drinking that sweet potion of yours, delicious this time around,
I want you so much in my life and yet I dont want you at the same time,
I wish I could seep through your heart and spend one more day with you,
I lived with you as your woman and now in my mind its still alive,
I miss you so much sometimes tears just roll down my cheeks,
Ive stopped trying to hate you and now live with you in me all the time,
As happy as you seemed having me around, I was too, seeing you after a month,
What went wrong a year back, I asked myself as we kissed goodbye,
You want me I can see and yet you dont want me in your life,
Like you I battle my feelings, the clash of the heart and mind,
Will you let me into your life, one more time,
To clean up the mess we left the last time around,
My dearest baby boy, its a daily struggle to let go and move on...