The 4 principles of Spirituality

"Whomsoever you encounter is the right one"

Everyone whom we have met this far is intended. Like what I mentioned to SV, we have met for a reason. What are the chances of meeting your homeboy, someone who has been in your neighbourhood for 20 over years and knows a quarter of your friends, through a matrimonial website?!? When we met, both of us did not ring a bell to each otherm though we had many common friends. We meet each other to improve a situation or learn somthing from each other. Listening to his story has put me in perspective and having gone through something similar I was able relate to him and offer him some of Baba's teachings. It was intended that I met him so that he could receive Baba's blessings. Its the same with V, it was intended that he received Baba's blessings at that point. What was the probability that I was in the same city as him at that point of his life? I was supposed to leave in Sept, but my stay was extended only because my friends offered me her place, and because of that I was able to be there for V when he needed me most. So can I say that was meant to happen?

"Whatever happened is the only thing that could have happened”
Everything we have experienced is exactly what it should have been. The journey I have taken this far has definitely made me a stronger and matured person. I realise how fortunate I have am as compared to others. Every single situation in life which we encounter is absolutely perfect, even when it defies our understanding and our ego. Each person met had a lesson to teach and each situation, a lesson learnt. I belief SL coming into my life was to wake me up from my denial state. Its still bizarre how it all happened and ended on a snap of the finger.

“Each moment in which something begins is the right moment”
Everything begins at exactly the right moment when we are ready for it. Maybe I am not ready for the change in location, well who but he knows best. The fact that V has allowed me into his life again is meant to happen. Dont ask me where it is intended to go from here, but I am glad it hapened at least.

"What is over, is over”
When something in our life ends, it helps our evolution. Not one single snowflake falls accidentally in the wrong place. Many journeys have ended and a few have just begun, some with the same players and some with different ones. Where this journey leads to is left to be seen. My journey is NSS is over, but the friendship made there will last a lifetime ;P

A Beautiful Soul

Its the second time in a week that someone has referred to me as "a beautiful soul". What makes their experience with me different from the rest I wonder. I remember sometime back I was told by an astrologer that I am like the moon, where it is a rare occasion to be disliked by someone. When I was away I was missed by many. Mails and comments of missing my presence kept me going I should say. I was known to be the gel that glued many together. Now that I am back, friends and family from there are missing my presence. My brother in law says its like the 'storm' has subsided, cos it used to be gatherings, drinking and BBQ during my stay, where my friends were also a part of it. In school days I remember being ostracized by my classmates because I mingled with students from the less academically inclined classes. But to date, I have made many friends from all walks of life, and frankly I have seen more humanity and compassion in these people as compared to those who have lives stacked with degrees and passports to many countries. Even the most educated and established, i have come across to be the most selfish and self centered, making me wonder what education had actually done to one.
I am a rebel in my own ways, I was also told by friends that I do not conform to the norms. Thats true, I play by my own rules and follow my heart, for that I have been said to be naive and stupid. Well my rule is simple: Love All & Serve All, I am not GOD to punish, I dont choose friends based on how they benefit me, and I dont care what others think of me. I do what is right and I stick by MY rules :P

What do I make out of this?!?

I was starring at an sms I received, very had trying to make sense of what the sender was driving at. That was one abrubt sms from someone I never thought I would hear from. I was clueless of what had prompted him to send it in the first place. First thought "what did I do this time". I got over the anger I initially felt and confuion set in. I have let him be in his new life, what else does he want? What does he know about hurt anyway and why would anyone curse someone they adore? This is total madness. I hate the shoes i am in right now. I dont have the freedom to cry nor stare blankly withought having to explain to someone what is running through my head. Just seconds ago my mom pops in and asks me what am I doing on the computer sitting in the dark. In my cousin's place I couldnt go by smsing withought subjecting myself to their sacarsms. I miss my Melbourne days where I could just shut myself in my room for days and cry my lungs out :P

My Getaway My gym

I love the concept of the new gym Ive enrolled in, its different from the rest I have joined this far. The circuit training is great as it works on cardio, strength and 8 major muscles. I go at least 4 times on weekdays, and it helps that its is located under by block. The trainers are always chatting with the members, but me being in my own world doesnt give them much room to communicate apart from the "hi" and "bye". I spend about an hour on each visit, and I love the fact that i perspire. I control my food as much as possible apart from weekends when my diet goes berserk as Im on the move. Other than that I maintain a no rice, wholemeal bread diet. Should cut down on my bread and noodles too :P. Im 2 kg down in 5 sessions in the past 2 weeks. Feel alot more firmer. 28kg more to shed..haiz..i'll reach there by the end of this year :P

Do I Cry or Laugh?

I returned from class and plopped myself on my bed staring at the ceiling. I do that alot nowadays, my deep thoughts whilst driving has either landed me in trouble with other drivers or I end up taking the wrong route. Today was different, there were tears added to that journey. Its all starting again. Why am I feeling If everything is crashing down on me? My maid walks in as I was deep in thoughts with eyes glued to the ceiling. "Dont cry", she says. I could see the sadness in her face. She held my hand and patted my head. My trip to the priest was a disaster. I am beyond help and neither have I any clue how to help myself. "Manam purinthavanei manathil nineithirunthal eppadi thirumanam nadakum?", the priests blurts and stares at me. I looked at him and asked him what I should do? He repeated what he said and stares at me again. Then he says in Tamil, "I dont know how to say, and I dont know how you are going to say it." Well I had nothing to say, I love V and I dont want to marry anyone else. Everyone knew who he was talking about but surprisigly non said anything. For some reason, I cant hate him nor forget him, and neither have I any clue how to forget him.

I have moved on yes, but I am unable to move him away. I havent spoken to him, and my smses go unanswered, but he is still in every nerve of mine. I cry, but sometimes I dunt know why I am crying. Its the pain I suppose, the pain of wanting someone so much and not be able to be with him. Another shocking news is my PR, apparently there are errors in my application. I havent heard from immigration and I have no clue as to what is happening. Sometimes I wonder if quitting was a mistake I did. I worte 2 emails to V giving him accounts of what happened with the priest, but I deleted both. Why would he care anyway. He doesnt need to know. At least let him be happy.

He has gone to Sydney for a reason, he already has someone there. If not why would he stop me from following him to Syd for the interview saying that his sister's friends are pickig him up? Why did he get defensive when I asked him if he had stayed over in a female friend's place? Why did he have to hide from me that his 'friend' was picking him from the hotel and dropping him off at Sundar's place? I know I am stupid to hang on to a man who obviously desires someone else, but I cant seem to rationalise with my heart to let him go. So I have decided to live with it and be the way I am. Why V? WHY are you torturing me like this? I cant take my dad's worries and my mom's cries. Maybe disappearing from everone would bring some peace into their lives :P

My First Interview

I applied for an editor's position in Science but was offered a Writer's position for Maths instead. I was a little apprehensive when I received the call, but was persuaded by the caller to attend the interview. This is something I have been wanting to do for a long time, something away from teaching but still associated with education.

Clad in my pint striped blue suit, black pointed heels and the beautiful pearl earrings gifted by V, I was ready to leave my home. Dad got me some holy ash, mom checked my attire, a good luck wish from my domestic helper, a hug by Lesh and off I went for the interview. Since its Singapore, I took a cab to Raffles place where the office was. These are the things I missed when I was away from home. I created a mess while choosing the outfit to wear for the interview, clothes ironed and hung in my room, food on the table, mess cleared by the time I get back home, and family around to share your sorrows and successes. Its definitely great to be back home.

I was there waiting for the interviewer to attend to me. The office was on the 29th floor, the most prestigious part of Singapore where the large offices and banks stand. Lawyers and businessmen clad in suits walking in and out of these buildings, it sure is a place to be. The Managing Editor entered the room. She explained to me that this post was offered to me as this is higher than an Editor's position that I had applied for. This company publishes text books for the International market, and my job as a writer is to produce the content for these text books. Interesting ehh? "This is what I would love to do", I was telling myself. Then came the question, "what we are offering for this position is 1k less than your last drawn, will you be still interested?" I smiled at her, she knew what my response was going to be. She then offered a freelance writing position if I was still interested. Now that seemed more like it i thought. I agreed on that and brought back the first assignment to be done and sent to them in a week! So my task now is to write a chapter to teach TIME to Primary 1 students in an International context. This chapter has 4 learning outcomes and I will have to design the workbook to go with the text, It is not as easy as i thought, it is not just coming up with the questions, I need to include an opening page for the chapter in the form of poem or something catchy, include an activity and a thinking bank. I shall begin :P

First 2 weeks of 2011

Its been a good start, Im blessed to be surrounded by people who love me. Both my nephews went to Primary one this year, together with them I was excited too. The job hunt is still on, havent secured anything yet, maybe Im not putting my heart to it. Im still not too sure where Im destined to be, I have so many desires. If I chase my dreams then I would have to sacrifice something else, in the middle of all this, I miss V heaps as well. I havent spoken to him for some time but I guess he is happy there. This distance reminds me more of him than ever before. Spending more time at home with family and friends does do wonders to me. Working out definitely makes me feel good, the circuit training is interesting and I hope to see results, 30kg being my target! Im back to my riceless diet, maybe I should start V's liquid potent. I am happy but there is still that missing piece in my life....