Myself

Had a work review session with my vice principal this morning. Nice to hear that he loves working with me and he said that I value add to the department. My people skills and bubbly nature have definitely been an added advantage for me and I have integrated into the school culture well he said. He complimented the way I was firm with one of the staff in driving the message across when the need arose. Its nice to hear that people are attracted to my bubbly nature and have positive comments about my work. Leadership is about people after all and it nice to know I have the balance to drive the people Im working with. I thought I was losing my bubbly nature for a moment. This is the 2nd time in 2 weeks someone has mentioned about my bubbly nature. The other was a friend who lives in Sydney. Spent 2 days with her. Ive known her since my teenage days, she was my cousin's best friend. Apparently she saw my pics then and thought I was very pretty and still thinks so. She too said that I have a bubbly nature that compliments my looks. I did mention to her too that its really nice to hear that as I really thought that Ive lost that side of me with all that I have been going through lately. Reassurance does help sometimes especially when you've hit rock bottom.

Met Suja and Shyly for lunch and spent the evening with them. Food and laughter and a comment from Suja "Where were you all this while? I missed you man". Their first comment on seeing me today "You look good, What did you do?" Something has changed in the 3 weeks definitely. All those I met said Ive lost weight! Well with not eating I suppose I did. But today would have made up for the 3 weeks I suppose. Night was more food with my cousins. The 4 of us again, its been a long time since we all were together joking and laughing! I cant help but think of V at that moment.

I become this completely different person around him. Very quiet and I hardly speak. That is because of the way he makes me feel. He never has anything positive to say about me. Always putting me down for some reason and I become very conscious around him. Well of course he compares me with all the high profile friends and the high society lifestyle he leads now. Why would he want to have any kind of affiliation with me? I do not need his acceptance but I am just so bloody angry with the way he has treated me. I have also been a victim of his lies and defense snaps. He can lead his life the way he wants but he has no right to snap at me to hide his lies. He slept on else's couch he says, but he chooses not to come back home even when I am not around, then why make me feel bad by saying that he cleared his place FOR me? He made me feel like Im the most boring person on earth. Refuses to go anywhere with me nor do any activity with me. He is definitely seeing someone, that should explain the secret calls after his supposedly "time out" periods. To hide that damn lie he snapped at me. How is that fair to me?

What kind of a person doesnt thank someone when he receives a gift? If he was worried about the cost of making a call, then an email at least? I know I dunt mean a thing to him, but not to even give basic respect?!? I think I deserve more than this. I may not be rich like those he is seeing, but I definitely do need to be respected and treated well. He doesnt even reply to my smses but Im sure during that time he has many that he has to respond or talk to. Sometimes I wonder if he afraid that I will take the gal away from him. Why should I? When a man tells u he doesnt want you, you should just stay away. Somehow he knew my reply was to make him happy and I didnt mean what I said when he asked if I had a good time. Well he was just too busy for me and how would I have had a good time when he made me feel like Im some low grade person he doesnt want to associate with? And why ask me about Vidya? Why would I have udates about her?!? He has this perception of me in his head and that makes him react the way he does. Fuck it I dont givea shit anymore! He can go and fuck around with his high society babes!