Why are you angry with him after all these years some may ask. Well yes I am disappointed with him and hurt by the outcome of his behaviour, but let me assure that it has nothing to do with the fact that he may have possibly found someone. The disappointment is only at the fact that Im not treated like a human being who deserves due respect. Im aware that love cannot be forced, and being upfront with him about my feelings towards him is just my way of coping. For those who have fallen in love with someone and not have that love reciprocated will understand where Im coming from. Sometimes when you know the love you have over someone will not be reciprocated ever, telling it to the person concerned does help you cope with it, with no expectations. I told V about my feelings for him, and Im pretty sure he knows that I am strong enough to deal with his rejection. To him Ive always been the last priority, and he has never failed to hurt me bcos of some other woman. For example Im pretty sure he was waiting for Swapna's response to picck him up from the airport maybe, and when she decided to pick him up after work, he accepted my offer to accompany him and hand him over to my friends. My next question is, if he had someone there, then why ask me to ask my friends? Why ask me to help him look out for accommodation in North Sydney? His emotions are controlled by her/them and somehow I am the receiver of his negative outbursts. Like thetime he was deciding to come to Singapore, he disappeared for sometime, perhaps he was waiting for someone else to give him a response. It beats me why he was always the last to exit from the baggage area. Reporting to Swapna maybe? Lol. I dont mind being there for him, but the least he could have done is be truthful to me. I know he will definitely fall in love again (not to me), and he probably has. But WHY put up a front that there is no love for him again, and he is going through depression etc? All I can think of is that his disinterest in only directed at me and NOT in women in general. I was never good enough for him for some reason.
After R's death, I was looking for the movie 'Ghost', starring Demi Moore and Patrick Swaze. It was the first movie we went to. I was never able to get my hands on it for a long time. Recently a good friend of mine presented it to me for my birthday. Its been almost 5 years since his death, but he never fails to come in my dreams.
Met S with a couple of other friends over dinner. His wife was present, I had no clue she was going to be there. How was he able to do it?!? "Are you seeing anyone?" he blurts. "No" I reply. He accuses me of being very choosy with my men. Maybe I am. I dont fall in love easily and not many have sparked interest in me. Kal Ho Na Ho, was an amazing movie. Shah Rukh Khan rejects Priety Zinta's love even though he loves her. He did that as he was diagnosed with cancer and his time was limited. He will be the reason Priety would accept Saif Ali Khan, her best friend. Priety confided in Saif, not knowing he loves her. Preity would find out the reason Sharukh rejected her. Intense love between the two. I too want to have cancer, then my time too will be limited. I can do the craziest things and leave the world!
A fellow colleague told me "Forget about finding a man, a rendezvous is easier!" He is right, some how the interest Ive recieved this far happens to be by married one. Puts me off marriage altogether!
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